Remember what He Jiong said:
"If you suddenly meet a person who is perfectly adapted to you, who is particularly accommodating to you and considerate of you, you must be careful, there is no such person in this world, don't believe in fairy tales so much!" 」
Deeply.
In this world, there are no two identical leaves, and there are no two exactly the same people. Two people together, can only seek common ground while reserving differences, because they come from different families, growth environments, and different levels of education, so everyone is a unique individual.
What is a unique individual?
You have your thoughts, emotions, personality, cognition, three views, and I have these things that are unique to me.
If you expect to meet a soul mate, then you wait to be hurt. In particular, I hope that the two people's three views and thoughts are highly consistent, and they will all be the same when they raise their hands and feet, and they will have a sharp mind. If you meet such a person, it can only mean that the other party is much smarter than you, and has a plot against you, hiding your true self.
Therefore, the three views are not in harmony, which is very normal, and the three views are not correct will be really terrible. What is suitable? It's just the result of mutual respect, acceptance and understanding.
To tell the truth, whether two people are suitable or not is never to look at the three views.
When two completely different people come together, there will be inappropriate parts, suitable or inappropriate, depending on how two people deal with inappropriate parts, or whether they have the ability and characteristics to deal with inappropriate parts.
1. Character.
If it is not suitable, why should we look at the character? For example, if a selfish person centers on himself in everything and only considers his own interests, then he cannot have acceptance of another person.
If it is very selfish, it will only take, and it will bring more inappropriate parts, and there will be repeated conflicts and frictions.
In addition, selfish people are very picky and always ask others to make what kind of changes they want to make, without thinking about what kind of changes they want to make.
Unless you can cater to him without a bottom line, it is impossible to fit and make you feel comfortable.
Therefore, if the character is not good, it is difficult to have respect and acceptance of others, and it is never possible to respect that the other party is an independent individual, let alone retain the integrity of this individual. On the contrary, they often think about controlling each other, and gradually lose the reciprocal relationship, husband and wife relationship.
Really, people with bad character will only test your bottom line again and again, challenge your bottom line, until they turn you into a person without a bottom line.
If you want to have the expression of your true self in love and marriage, you must avoid such people, otherwise two people are not just inappropriate.
If you can't accept someone with bad character, then in the next process of getting along, it's all inappropriate.
2. Personality.
When you meet someone with too strong personalities, you can't be suitable, because there is no tolerance between each other. Especially in married life, the more you will find that the so-called tolerance and accommodation is actually a glorification of the word "tolerance".
How important this tolerance is, Balzac said:
"Husband and wife should know each other and understand each other, and then tolerate and love each other, in order to maintain a happy marriage."
If you can't tolerate each other's shortcomings and don't want to try what you hate, couples will immediately stand against each other.
There is nothing else to do but mutual attacks and mutual attrition.
Including when people have heavy speech, when they are in a bad mood, it is normal to have emotions, one knows how to let go, one knows how to endure, and after the emotions have passed, they are still a good couple. But if you can't swallow that breath all the time, if you want to ask for an explanation, you have to understand everything, and the quarrels are endless.
Can't stand a little grievance, in fact, such a person is not suitable for married life, after all, even if you meet a good person, there are times when you are wronged for no reason, there are also times when you are angry to the point of shivering, and you are eager to go out to buy a gun and collapse the other party.
Without tolerance, two people cannot be suitable, but quarrels will become the norm of life, more and more feel inappropriate, and question their own choices, preset their own retreat.
3. Empathy.
Having empathy largely means that there is also the ability to push oneself and others, and to know how to think in a different position when things happen, rather than absolutely standing on their own position and perspective, and not discussing the results of everything in terms of right and wrong.
In fact, the inappropriateness between two people, including quarrels, is often only because of different positions, and there is no right or wrong.
Two people with empathy can understand each other's situation and difficulties, less attack, more understanding. In such a situation, two people will definitely cross more suitable, cross more sweet. Two people without empathy, on the other hand, will always cause contradictions from within.
Empathy is important because people who have empathy know how to understand others.
Being able to understand other people's feelings and understand other people's positions can deal with the inappropriate parts between two people, but not to worry about the problems of positions.
Two people without empathy meet together, and when the passion fades, it will only be a disaster, no matter what, it will not be able to escape the fading end.
So, look at empathy, and if there's empathy, then you're right.
Why do two people who are not the same get along properly? It is not that two people have common interests and hobbies, nor that two people have the same values, but that they can tolerate each other and accept the parts that are inappropriate with themselves, and do not consider the parts that are inappropriate.
When passion exists, there is little exposure of the true self, but everyone will cover up their true face through intentional obedience and deliberate disguise, and become an obstacle for the other party to understand themselves.
To see where you really need to see, the eyes shift, stop staring at each other's three views, what contradictions, what is inappropriate, throw to the three views to carry the pot. The root cause is clearly the lack of respect, lack of acceptance, lack of tolerance, and lack of understanding between each other.
People must also learn to change themselves, not always thinking of letting a person fit themselves, but also thinking about making themselves, going to the right people, and thinking about what needs to be changed by themselves.
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