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Plato's Republic: "We always look east and west, only what we want, which is why we have so far been unable to achieve our wishes." ”
Some people can get a happy marriage as desired, while others always have difficulty in achieving their wishes, which is related to the "attitude towards greed".
People have greed, if you let greed flood, you will be like a little monkey down the mountain, lose this and pick up that, always think that the next is better, and eventually get nothing. But if you have restraint and cherish it if you get it, you will not fall into the end of nothing.
Treat feelings should also have such a consciousness, after two people get married, cherish each other, work together, there is no reason not to be unhappy. And if they don't have different hearts, both people are greedy enough, or one of them is not greedy enough, it will lead to unhappy marriage.
When a marriage shows signs of unhappiness, there is an opportunity to turn the tide. As long as it can be remedied in time before the complete misfortune comes, it is possible to resolve the misfortune. And if the person who created the misfortune insists on going his own way, the marriage tragedy is basically a foregone conclusion.
The following two women both suffered betrayal during confinement, and their handling is very different. The key to the difference lies in the truth mentioned above, and we will look at it separately.
He didn't repent, so I had to get a divorce.
Some people say that no matter what stage of marriage you encounter betrayal, you must divorce.
This kind of person who can't rub a little sand in his eyes does exist. However, not everyone has this attitude. There is also a kind of person who will depend on the situation.
If they don't have children, they may leave freely, but with children, their actions and thinking will be somewhat slow. Perhaps because of their motherhood, their compassion is evident.
As one reader put it: "Although it was painful for me to suffer betrayal during confinement, divorce would make me even more miserable because the child had just been born and I didn't have the courage to say I had to get a divorce." ”
Having said that, her compassion needs to be considerate and approved by her husband. In other words, if a man is willing to go back and make up for it, she will choose to let the marriage continue.
It's just a pity that her husband doesn't have such a high level of consciousness. He is the person we mentioned earlier, looking at the mountain high, not thinking that his betrayal is wrong, and is unwilling to return to the family.
In this case, the nature of the betrayal changes. Even though others advised her not to impulsively divorce her, in her opinion, the most important person did not understand her, and she had no need to let the marriage continue: "He did not repent, I had to divorce him." 」 If I don't get divorced, I will live in the pain he has caused me every day, and I will not be able to concentrate on taking care of my children because of the pain, but it is better to get rid of his burden! ”
I endured the pain and gave him a chance.
Another reader, similar to the previous one's original thoughts, saw a turnaround in her marriage because the "most important person" had lost her way.
Although her husband knew that he was wrong under the influence of external forces, as long as he knew that he was wrong, it was a great comfort for her: "He did not think that he was wrong at first, and he confronted his mother-in-law, saying that he was not wrong to love others when I was busy confinement." My mother-in-law listened to his words and became furious and ordered him to kneel before me and confess his mistake. If it was just my in-laws and my parents who advised me not to divorce, and he didn't repent, and they didn't teach him a lesson for me, I don't think I would agree to give him another chance. ”
Some people may suspect that such "forgiveness" needs to pay a painful price, thinking that men who are forced to admit mistakes are not really admitting mistakes, and may repeat the same mistakes later.
This possibility does exist, but it did not appear in her marriage, because both parents have been secretly escorting her. In the absence of a clear shot by them, her husband is still very disciplined, which shows that it has worked.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
For those who have to divorce as soon as they encounter betrayal, there is betrayal in their marriage, there is nothing to say, and no one can make them waver.
And for people like the two readers above, there is betrayal in the marriage, and there is room for relaxation.
In the end, whether there can be a relaxation and whether there will be a turnaround, the key is not how people outside marriage advise, but whether people inside marriage repent.
People outside of marriage will basically "persuade and not dissuade", especially elderly people, especially parents and friends around them. But this factor does not determine the outcome, if you have had a similar experience, you will definitely have this feeling: "No matter how much others persuade you, they cannot bring you hope, the only thing that can bring you hope is how your other half expresses his position." ”
For example, the above two readers, the husband of the former died unrepentant, and the husband of the latter returned to the family, and there was a completely opposite result.
For women, if you are also a person of this personality, if you also want to ease the marriage, you can try to ask the people around you to promote the results you want; for men, if the fault is in you, the key to making the marriage turn around is in you, you have to seize the opportunity; for both parents, the marriage of the children is wrong, do not just blindly persuade the peace, but should work the key person to solve his problems, and the marriage problems will be eased.