Fans left me a message saying that her marriage had not suffered betrayal, no domestic violence against men, and there was no more extreme mother-in-law contradiction on the Internet, but the days were getting more and more tired, like never seeing the end. 38 years old, young is not there, old is still far away. There are elderly parents who need to be taken care of, and there are young children who need to be cared for, and it is not good to live well, and she seems to be stuck in the cracks, in a dilemma. She wanted to know who was right and who was wrong in a marriage that was in a dilemma, and how to change it.
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This fan friend told me that she was the same age as her husband and attended the same school in middle and high school. She went to college, studied abroad for four years, and returned home to go on a blind date after a year of work. He failed the college entrance examination, did not repeat the study, but followed an uncle of the family to work in other places, and the Spring Festival was at home on a blind date, and he just met her.
The two people are classmates, there are many common topics to talk about, plus the two families are not far away, the elders know the roots, so they have contributed to the marriage.
At the age of 26, the two people got married, and in the second year after marriage, they had children. After the child was full moon, she followed her husband to Hebei to work. My husband opened a shop with his uncle and was responsible for the daily expenses of the family. She was independent with her baby, became a standard stay-at-home mother, and her daily life was relatively plain.
At the age of 33, she became pregnant with her second child and gave birth to a little princess as she wished. The children are complete, and they look very happy. She also felt that life should be so plain, but in plain and plain, it was full of tiredness that she could not say.
She said that after the birth of their daughter, they returned to their hometown with a pair of children. My husband opened a small shop in the town, selling chemical raw materials. Business is OK, enough food and clothing.
The house was built by the in-laws when they were young, and it is now more than twenty years old, and the appearance is OK, but many parts of the house are in tatters.
When she first moved back, she said to her husband: "Let's repair the yard, this ground is potholed, and my daughter always fell when she learned to walk." ”
The husband said, "You want to learn to stick floor tiles like people in the city?" We are in the countryside, it is inconvenient to paste, so it is very good. Little children, how can you not wrestle? ”
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The room was leaking rain, and the walls were cracked, looking like vicious scars. She felt uncomfortable, so she consulted with her husband: "Let's buy some paint to brush the wall, the home is clean, and it looks comfortable." There is also this roof, but also have to find someone to repair, this rainy day will seep water, everything in the house are back to the tide and hairy. ”
The husband said, "Fix what?" Waste of money. When your husband earns money, you buy a house in the city and decorate it. ”
Old house, the windows are very small, and when it comes to a rainy day, the room is too dark. Turning on the lights is absolutely wasteful, and it is dark without turning on the lights. She consulted with her husband and wanted to make the window bigger.
The husband said: "Not only to change it a little bigger, but also to tear down this window and door, and replace it with aluminum alloy sliding doors and windows." ”
She was full of expectations, and as a result, it had been three or four years, and the door was still that door, and the window was still that window.
The most recent conflict was a change of bed.
The bed at home was bought when I got married, and considering that I didn't live in my hometown at that time, I bought a model bed for discounting at a roadside shop. For more than ten years, not only the legs of the bed were broken, but even the bed board was rotten in several pieces. She went to the furniture store to see, a new bed is more than two thousand yuan, she wants to buy, her husband does not agree, said that she is a waste of money, said that she does not know how difficult it is to make money outside.
She knows that it is not easy to earn money, and she knows that she should save money in her life, but she just wants to tidy up the place where she lives, be decent, and want to let herself sleep more steadily, but every time she consults with her husband, what she gets is perfunctory and coping.
There is no money for the floor of the family, no money to change doors and windows, no money to change beds, but he has money for smoking and drinking. More than 10,000 mobile phones, he said to buy them, saying that they were needed for work. More than two thousand fishing gear, he only looked at it and bought it, saying that he was such a hobby. More than four thousand projectors, more than four thousand drones, he bought back home to fall to ashes, and said that men who do not love a little high-tech.
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She said her two children grew up day by day, and there were more and more places to spend money in the future. In-laws are also in their early seventies, and their bodies are not as good as a day, in case they are sick one day, all they need is money. She persuaded him to save money, but he said that the money was not saved, it was earned, and said that she was worried about the world and thought that things were pure and bad.
She said they were 38 years old, and the family didn't even have a deposit of ten thousand yuan, in case something happened, they didn't even have a little resistance to risks. But he said that he was 38 years old and still young, and said that who was almost forty years old to start a business, and as a result, he became a big boss. But she looked left and right, and she was stunned that she didn't see a little bit of the potential of the big boss from his husband.
That big boss's money, is it bragging?
Say that she has a bad day, there is food and drink, and there is a house to shelter from the wind and rain. Say her husband is bad, he doesn't seem to have any big problems. Saying that this man did not love her, he did not go out to attract bees and butterflies. Saying that this man loved her, what she said, he never cared about it, nor did he put it in his heart.
She persuaded herself to be content and happy, but looking at a tattered home, looking at a husband who had been wandering all day, not for the elderly, not for the children, felt inexplicably tired. Anxiety, restlessness, pervades every corner of life. Divorce it, no courage, in addition to not being able to put down the child, but also worried about being complained by her parents, saying that she is not living a good life. If you don't divorce, you feel that the current days are all suffering.
What do you think went wrong with this fan friend's marriage? In the eyes of the late and late, the biggest problem is that their attitudes towards marriage and life are different. Fans feel that life can be poor, but life cannot be settled, and limited funds should be invested in daily life. The husband feels that life can be done, but he can't do it for himself, whether it is tobacco, alcohol, fishing gear and drones are all for his own preferences.
When you meet such a husband, you must either tolerate him, adapt to him, or change him, expect him to change, and the success rate is zero.