There is a saying: "There is no such thing as a free lunch". Literally, there is no such thing as a lunch that does not cost anything. But usually we all use it to express that we have to work first to do everything, and there is no such thing as unearned gain. Deeply believed, pay and return, has always been one. If you want to get, you must first learn to give.
And the rewards in this do not only refer to economic and material returns. The same applies to emotional giving and rewarding. You want to maintain the feelings between each other, and if you want to get spiritual support from this relationship, first of all, you have to be willing to give. Only know to enjoy, and do not want to give, this relationship will be screwed up by you sooner or later.
There is a saying in the sociologist Hohmanns's "Theory of Social Exchange": "Any interpersonal relationship is essentially an exchange relationship." On the other hand, it also shows that the relationship between people is mutual. The interpersonal relationships here naturally include between relatives. That is to say, in essence, even the affection between parents and children is essentially an exchange relationship.
"You raise me small, I raise you old" is not only a responsibility and obligation, but also an exchange. It is said that children should be filial to their parents, and children should provide emotional support to their parents in their parents' old age. But the old saying also says, "The father is kind and filial to the son, and the family is blessed." Only when parents first love their children and cultivate their children well will their children truly understand filial piety and be filial to their parents. In this way, the family you come and go with is a happy family.
In other words, if as a father, you are only a biological father to this child. You simply don't fulfill your basic maintenance obligations, or you just give it for a certain period of time. So what right does such a father have to accuse his child of not cooperating with him to play the role of fatherly kindness and filial piety? What qualifications do you have to say that children are not filial and do not understand things?
Wang Ze's parents are the fate of his parents, and his mother does not like his father, so his feelings have always been bad. It is said that the child is the crystallization of the love of the parents, and since there is no feeling between the parents, then this child, in the eyes of Wang Ze's mother, is more like completing an obligation. In the end, when Wang Ze was three years old, the two divorced, and after pulling for half a year, the two divorced.
Because of his young age, his impression of his mother, as time passed, could no longer be remembered. Regarding the mother, some people say that the mother remarried and ran away from her first love; others said that the mother ran alone and became the big boss. But either way, after my mother decided to leave, she never came back. It was as if in this city there were no people or things left to worry her, including her own son.
Wang Ze's father, full of thoughts about making money, he was paranoid that his wife divorced himself because his family was poor. It never occurred to me that the family's poverty might be one reason, but his paranoia and irritability may be the most important reason. Because of this cognition, Wang Ze's father did not agree to his son's study, Wang Ze has not yet reached the age of primary school, and his father began to worry about his future work to earn money to supplement the family.
Later, wang Ze's grandmother insisted, Wang Ze entered the school, but not long after entering the school gate, he lost his "father's love". My father went out to work and said that he must mix with a person. Like his mother, his father left this time and did not return to his hometown for many years. At the beginning, my father would transfer a little money to an old man and a young man every few months, but after 2 years of working outside the home, the money that was better than nothing was gone.
Wang Ze later learned the reason, because his father remarried in the city, and the remarried wife was not willing to give the already small income to the old mother and son in the hometown. Therefore, Wang Ze's father, in order to maintain this marriage, chose to obey his words. He did not think about how his mother and son, one of whom was already old and one of whom was not yet able to work, should survive. He didn't even think about what face he had to blame his son when he did such a thing.
Wang Ze and his grandmother have been dependent on each other since then, and his tuition and living expenses have all relied on his grandmother's various farm work, odd jobs, and the help of well-wishers in the village. Wang Ze was later admitted to a key university, and during his college years, he was signed into a large enterprise in advance because of his outstanding performance and numerous awards.
At this time, his father suddenly appeared in front of Wang Ze. In the past, my father always said that the mountain is far away, and he has a new family, but he also has more than enough and lacks strength. But now, in the case where the younger son is obviously not much out of the way, and the older son can save face for himself. Instead, he "worked tirelessly" and ran to find his eldest son.
In the face of the long-lost "father's love", Wang Ze did not have much fluctuation in his heart. The year he was admitted to college, it was the teacher who helped him with the student loan, and it was the well-wishers in the village who made up enough money for him to travel and live. Grandma gave him a big bag of specialties, and inside there was a ledger, and the illiterate grandma, using symbols that both grandchildren knew, told him how many people had helped him over the years. These favors must be repaid no matter how difficult it is, and there is no father's name in this ledger.
In the face of his father's courtesy, Wang Ze said, "It is not impossible for me to return to your home on vacation and be filial to your father and son. You first take Grandma out of the village, as long as you treat Grandma well, I will certainly follow your example and be filial to you. As soon as these words came out, the father was not happy, and he had a hard time convincing his remarried wife that he could take Wang Ze home to live for a while, and if he took an old man who needed to be taken care of for a long time, it would definitely not work.
The son's words were already so obvious, and Wang Ze's father was still weighing the pros and cons. Finding that he really could not do his son's request, he was still angry and corrupt, saying that his son was not filial piety and a white-eyed wolf. Wang Ze smiled and said, "Did you do it yourself?" Are you filial to grandma? It may be true that I am not filial to you, but this is because you, as a father, have not led by example. ”
In the end, Wang Ze's father went back to his hometown in a gray way, and Wang Ze returned to his hometown and sent his grandmother to a nursing home. He was originally going to pick up his grandmother to work in the city, but his grandmother was unwilling, saying that he was old and wanted to stay in his hometown, so that Wang Ze would have time to come and see her. As for his father, Wang Ze secretly had a decision, and his biggest compromise was to give living expenses, and there was nothing else. Do you say, Wang Ze is cruel?
There is a saying on the Internet: "Family members, the first school of life." "It means that the family is the child's first school, and the parents are the child's first teachers. The education that each of us receives in the family can accompany people throughout their lives, and parents, as the navigators of the family, must lead by example. As we all know, a good family style comes from the words and deeds of parents. What kind of person you want your child to be, first of all, what kind of person you want to be.
The maintenance of family affection is not only enough for blood ties. Otherwise, there would be no such thing as "born without raising, and the broken finger can be returned". Blood relations can only mean that you are a parent-child relationship, but no matter what kind of emotional relationship, you need to pay each other. If you don't fulfill your basic maintenance obligations, don't expect anything in return. It's not that the child is not filial, it's just a causal cycle of your past choices.
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