Mother's love gives the boy a sense of satisfaction, and the father's love gives the boy direction

Nowadays, many fathers work harder in order to pursue their careers, and it is often the mother who teaches their children to take on most of the responsibility. As everyone knows, money and maternal love cannot replace father's love, and only father's love is not enough, but also requires some psychological techniques, especially for families raising boys.

One mother described the relationship between husband and son this way: Sometimes, I feel that the relationship between husband and son is like a mystery, they are always twisting and playing together, chasing each other, tickling each other. The nature of the fight between them is completely different from that between me and my son. I think there's a special language between them. For example, when a husband and son are fighting, they will lie in bed together, touch each other's stomachs, and then rest quietly for a while. But as soon as one of them makes a small move, the other person immediately goes into a state of alertness, as if they have a sharp mind.

Maternal love gives boys a sense of satisfaction

Father loves to give boys a sense of direction

There is indeed a language between father and son that belongs between father and son. Together, they can play together, they can constantly touch each other's bodies... Behaviorists say that the physical contact between father and son in a fight is a deep level of communication between father and son. It is because of this deep communication that the boy knows that he is going to grow into a man like his father. In their fathers, they can see their own future, and they will consciously follow their father's example.

Every boy needs the love of a parent to grow up, but father's love is completely different from that of a mother's. Maternal love is delicate and gentle, and in maternal love, boys can get satisfaction; And the father loves broad and rough, in the father's love, the boy can find a sense of direction.

If a little boy can't touch his father for a long time, or doesn't feel his father's love, he will have a strong sense of insecurity and will lose his way. For example, boys who have no access to their fathers for a long time develop a tendency to feminize. In addition, in the case of not feeling the father's love for a long time, many young boys often use some bad behaviors, such as lying, stealing, fighting, etc., to attract their father's attention in order to give themselves the opportunity to communicate with their fathers in depth. Of course, there are many little boys who do not hesitate to hurt themselves in order to win their father's attention.

Boys need a father, they need to see their position in their father, they need to imitate their father's behavior to make themselves manly. Therefore, for the healthy growth of boys, fathers must not ignore their sons on the grounds of "busy work". Fathers' actions, language, and thoughts influence boys all the time, but not all fathers succeed in taking on the role of "son role model." Many fathers often unconsciously convey wrong thoughts and actions to their sons.

A kindergarten teacher recounted the fact that when I washed all the children's dishes, a little boy happened to be right next to me. I asked him to help me sort out the dishes, but I was rejected by the little guy. He said to me solemnly, "No, I can't help you with these things, because these things are done by women, and my dad never did these things." "Look, that's what fathers do. A little boy who has just gained gender awareness is already actively imitating his father's behavior, and he unconsciously regards his father as his role model.

In life, if the father rarely helps his wife with housework, then when the mother asks the boy to do some housework for himself, the boy will rightfully refuse. Because the idea has arisen in their minds that doing housework is a woman's business and that men have the right not to help. Fathers of boys of all ages should set different role models, as fathers of boys, if you do not have enough confidence in being a role model for boys, you may wish to learn from the following views and methods:

Method 1: Face young boys and help them complete their attachment to their mothers

A psychologist once said that the love of a mother makes us obsessed, but the excessive love of a mother will make a boy grow small, so that he will stay in the state of a little boy forever. Indeed, there are many such little boys who do not like to be in contact with others, who stay away from their mothers all day long, even to the age of school, and who follow their mothers all day and refuse to go to kindergarten or school.

Psychologists have found after years of research that it is difficult for such boys to integrate into the group when they grow up. Moreover, whether it is getting along with people or doing other things, it is often surrounded by a strong inferiority complex.

In fact, these boys grow up because they do not do a good job of mental development in early childhood. In early childhood, there are many psychological tasks that boys need to complete, the most important of which is to complete the intimate separation of the mother. That is, let them come out of their attachment to their mother alone and begin to accept their father and others. During this period, Dad's task is enormous, requiring Dad to take more time to spend with the boy and encourage him to communicate with himself.

For children in early childhood, the care of the father means a special meaning. An adult male once told the story of my father, who was nearly 70 years old, and once we flipped through those old photos together. Suddenly, I turned to the picture when I was 3 years old, and my father held me and lifted me above my head, and the smile on my face was very bright and proud.

I put this photo inside my wallet. After that, my father talked to me for the first time about his relationship with his father: "My father never hugged me, I never even sat on his lap..." At this point, my father was already in tears. I can feel deeply that even though my father is about to turn 70 now, he still regrets that his father did not hold him when he was a child.

So, how should a father show affection to his son? Let's hear the little boys' own voices: "I like daddy to take me out so I'll be proud to be around!" "I like to sit on my dad's lap and make him shake me constantly, and with his big palms on me, I'm not afraid at all." "I like that my father lifts me above my head so that I can feel my father's strength, and I think he is a powerful god." 」

From this, we can see that it is not difficult for the son to successfully get rid of the attachment to the mother, of course, this mainly requires the cooperation of the father. In fact, what dad needs to do is also very simple: while showing his masculine strength, he can pay more attention to and carefully care for his son.

Method 2 Facing childhood boys, clarify the rules and develop their self-control

A humorous father once said, "If you want to get along well with your son, you must learn to wrestle!" What the father meant was that the boy liked his father to be in touch with himself.

In fact, this is also a question that many psychologists are studying: Why do fathers and sons always like to fight and fight together, or even get together? Psychologists say what boys learn in their fights with their fathers has far-reaching implications for their later growth. In the fight with Dad, Dad can make them understand that everything has rules. One father said: When my son was 4 years old, I liked to tickle him, and he liked me to do it, and whenever I did this, our father and son would run around the whole room. But once, when I saw my son lying in bed, I went over and tickled him. My son may not have been happy that day, he did not "giggle" as usual, but kicked me hard. I was stunned by my son's reaction, but instead of throwing a tantrum at him or blaming him, I calmly said to him, "You hurt and your dad hurts, and if dad is hurt, then you can't play with you anymore." So, we need to make some rules, for example, we are not allowed to kick others, hit others, or catch others! Can you follow such a rule?" My son seemed to have realized his mistake because I saw him nodding.

In fact, the process of getting along with boys is the process of transmitting various basic rules to them. Under the influence of testosterone in the receptor, any boy can be called a "king of destruction" and an aggressive machine. If parents let this destructive and aggressive nature of them develop, the boy will really become a destructive "machine" that everyone fears; But if the parents forcibly suppress their destructiveness and aggression, the boy's innate desire to explore and create will gradually disappear.

So, the best thing to do is to tell them what the rules are and let them grasp the "degree" of behavior for themselves. In the process, boys learn not only life skills, but also self-control, and they begin to learn to consciously control their behavior.

Approach three: Confront adolescent boys and make them feel the power of moral restraint

Everyone says that adolescent boys tend to become "bad", and some psychologists say that whether adolescent boys become "bad" has a lot to do with whether they are with their fathers. A psychologist once conducted a survey in a middle school. He found that these junior high school boys lived in "groups". In general, boys who love to learn will always play together, and those boys who love to fight and be naughty will always be together. Psychologists want to learn more about this phenomenon, so they ask the boys who love to learn: "Why don't you like to play with them?" Because I'm not the same person as them. We are all people with fathers, and they either don't have a father or they don't live with them, so they always do bad things. The children's view is correct.

Human behavioral studies have shown that 80 percent of "juvenile offenders" in labor camps fall into a situation where they either don't have a father, don't live with them, or often don't get their attention.

It can be seen that for adolescent boys, the father is like a moral force, and he is always bound to the son's behavior. Boys enter puberty, and the mother's discipline seems to have worked no longer for them. Sometimes, in order to make the situation clear to the mother, they often even challenge the mother's power. At this time, the most important thing for the father to do is to stand with the mother, and the two people educate the son with the same attitude.

When it comes to respecting women, boys need their fathers to set an example for them. Of course, for adolescent boys to identify with their parents' education, fathers must reach a united front with their mothers. And, in this process, the father's attitude must be sincere. If the father does not want to help his wife, but plays a trick, the boy will become less and less respectful of the mother, and even more and more challenge the mother's power.

In fact, when a boy enters puberty, it is not the mother's strength that becomes weaker, but the boy's "wings" become harder. At this time, they need the strength of their father to give them restraint and to guide them, so whether the boy will become "bad" at this stage depends on the father for a large part.