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Dong Zhongshu: "Gentlemen do not hide their shortcomings, if they do not know, they ask, and if they cannot learn." ”
In today's parlance, it is a question of "self-knowledge."
Self-aware people, modest and cautious, will not deliberately cover up their shortcomings, but will take the shortcomings as their own growth space, the learning of the learning, the question that should be asked, and the adjustment that should be adjusted.
And people without self-knowledge are often self-centered, thinking that they are already perfect, do not need to learn, and do not need to listen to the advice given by anyone. In their opinion, all those who disagree with them are not as smart as they are.
In fact, no one is perfect, and there is no perfect person in this world. Everyone needs to keep learning in order to improve themselves in the process of growing up. Not only should you have self-awareness and recognize your shortcomings, but at the same time, when others point out your own problems, you should not be ashamed and angry, but you should think carefully about whether you have problems.
This is not only the principle that should be followed as a person, but also the guideline that needs to be followed in interpersonal communication. This guideline should also be followed, including the various interpersonal interactions involved in marriage.
The problems caused by her brother-in-law's marriage mentioned by the following reader are related to the above guidelines, let's take a look at them.
Hello Mr. Donglin:
Just because individual women are bullied in their in-laws' homes, can it be said that all women are bullied in their in-laws' homes?
Just because individual mothers-in-law are not good mothers-in-law, can we say that all mothers-in-law are not good mothers-in-law?
I don't think women should treat marriage with this kind of follow-the-trend mentality, otherwise they may mistakenly hurt their in-laws and family members and end up being unfavorable to themselves.
Take my sister-in-law, for example, who did not bother to contact our family before getting married, did not do any understanding and preparation, but preconceived that there were no good people in our family, that my mother was not a good mother-in-law, and that I was a troublesome little sister-in-law.
I would like to ask, whose fault is it that there is a contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and a contradiction between sister-in-law and sister-in-law in the marriage of such a person?
It was clearly her own fault!
The pain of a person treating a bad person as a good person is the same pain that a person treats a good person as a bad person and brings to others. Both of these problems are due to a lack of understanding and communication, and they are a manifestation of irresponsibility to themselves.
My sister-in-law belongs to the latter kind of person, and treats me and my mother as bad people. It doesn't matter if she doesn't like me, anyway, I'm married and don't live with her. But she couldn't get used to my mom, and the only thing that brought my mom was pain, because my mom needed to live with her and my brother.
My father is gone, my mother alone to manage the marriage of the children, brother and sister-in-law what reason not to give my mother a pension? Is there any reason not to bring her to live with you? Is there any reason not to let her live at home?
My brother was a very filial man before he got married, but since he got married, it has changed, and this change is obviously because of my sister-in-law. Either because he's afraid of his wife, or because my sister-in-law is too strong, as long as these two possibilities.
No matter what kind of possibility it is, he can't even dominate his own filial piety, and even this kind of thing must obey my sister-in-law's orders, but my sister-in-law can't get used to my mother, so you can imagine how much my mother will suffer.
I didn't know it at first, and I thought my mom was getting along well with the two of them. It wasn't until one day my mother went to my house with her luggage that I learned that she had been swept out of the house by my sister-in-law, crying and telling me how much she had been wronged at her brother-in-law's house.
I can't stand it! I went directly to my brother-in-law's house to find my sister-in-law to settle the account!
I asked her, "Why didn't my mother let her live in the house she bought?" ”
She said, "Let her come!" I'm going to get a divorce tomorrow! Don't you just want to see this result? Don't you just like to collude to bully me as an outsider? I have fulfilled you!" ”
I asked her what tricks she had in addition to blackmailing people with divorce: "Although you want to do it, don't play anything with me to get away with it, I bet you don't dare to divorce!" ”
After I recognized her mind, she began to change the subject, saying that my mother was not a good mother-in-law.
I asked her why she said my mother was not a good mother-in-law, and what evidence she had. Her answer proved how stupid she was: "This kind of thing doesn't need evidence, you are also a woman, and your mother-in-law is certainly not a good mother-in-law." Women all over the world are the same, after marriage, they will be bullied by their mother-in-law, and all the mother-in-law in the whole world are not good mother-in-law. ”
I didn't talk nonsense with her anymore, because it was useless to say more, she was a self-centered person, she couldn't listen to the advice of others, and my words were just playing the piano to her.
I firmly believe that sooner or later she will lift a stone and drop it on her own feet, because after driving out my mother, she will definitely target my brother, and then it is time to pick my brother's fault. When my brother couldn't stand her day, she couldn't escape karma.
Donglin Xiting Emotional Advice:
There is a rule in interpersonal communication called "there is something to say", but this code only works for normal people, like the reader's sister-in-law, who is not willing to talk well, how do you talk to her well?
These kinds of people who never think they are wrong will fall behind sooner or later, because they are not as perfect as they think they are. Imperfect but think they are perfect, this blind momentum will lead them to constantly know mistakes and make mistakes. Small mistakes may go unpunished, but if they make big mistakes, they cannot escape punishment.
From what she said to her sister-in-law, it can be concluded that she will inevitably be planted on her own hands afterwards.
She said that "all daughters-in-law will be bullied by their mother-in-law", and said that "all mothers-in-law are not good mother-in-law", and her logic of "partial generalization" will certainly not only target the relationship between mother-in-law and sister-in-law, but also target her husband and other people, which will make her keep making mistakes, and there will always be people who punish her because they can't stand her.
Hopefully, others will check themselves out if they have her kind of logic, and if so, change it as soon as possible, because you personally can't represent everyone, and you and your fox friends together don't represent everyone. Don't say how everyone is, first run yourself well, is the focus.