01
Mr. Qian Zhongshu wrote in "The Siege":
"Life is a siege, marriage is a siege, and when you go in, you are surrounded by all kinds of worries about survival." The people in the city want to escape, and the people outside the city want to rush in. ”
Marriage is always infinitely envisioned, and people expect it for a lifetime. However, not all marriages go well to the end.
Sometimes, a seemingly simple husband and wife quarrel, a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law conflict, may become the last straw that crushes the marriage, so that the marriage dies halfway.
Some people say, who lives without quarrels? How some people have been noisy all their lives and still don't give up. Some marriages collapse at once they quarrel, is it too pretentious?
In fact, the contradiction itself is not the main reason for determining whether a marriage breaks down. The key lies in the attitude of the two people in the marriage to resolve the contradiction.
In the process of handling the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the husband's attitude plays a crucial role.
If the husband always blindly protects his mother and ignores his wife's feelings, then such a marriage is doomed to quarrel and even fall apart.
Li Zhi (pseudonym) chose to end the marriage because of her husband's long-term inaction.
02
Li zhi and her husband met each other on a blind date.
Although the conditions of the in-laws are ordinary, they are not without any savings. When Li Zhi and her husband got married, her mother-in-law was unwilling to take the money to make a down payment for them, and threatened not to live in their house in the future.
Li Zhi had no choice but to postpone the purchase plan and rent a house after marriage.
Later, when the child was born, it was almost the age of school, and buying a house became an urgent matter. Because no house means no good school.
She once again asked her husband to find her in-laws to open her mouth, first borrow some money to buy them a house, and then pay it back when the days are more abundant. He also promised that as long as her mother-in-law helped herself through this "difficulty", she would never slack off in her pension in the future.
The mother-in-law still refused, saying that she had a sister-in-law to retire and did not have to worry about Lizhi.
Li Zhi had no choice but to piece together from her mother's relatives, bought a small two-bedroom apartment in the city, and solved the problem of her children going to school first.
The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also formed a "beam" as a result.
But I didn't expect that the house had just been renovated, and my mother-in-law came with her sister-in-law and said that she wanted to live permanently. The reason is that the sister-in-law has to work in the city after graduating from college, and the brothers and sisters live together to take care of each other.
Lizzie certainly disagreed.
And aside from the previous grievances, this house was originally two rooms. Couples have one room, one child, where is there any extra room for them to live in?
Lizzie offered to let them rent a house nearby.
But the mother-in-law did not want to spend money, and she had to live in it, and she also rolled in front of Li Zhi's husband and cried a lot.
The husband is a foolish and filial man, and he cannot see his mother being wronged in the slightest, let alone his wife who is so "disrespectful" to his mother.
Although he knew that his wife had complained about his mother because of the purchase of the house. I also know that if a large family lives together, what kind of consequences may be brought to the marriage.
But in the end, filial piety prevailed.
Ignoring Li Zhi's objections, he took advantage of her overtime work on the weekend and was not at home, and directly took his mother-in-law and sister-in-law home, and came to cut first and play later.
Li Zhi had ten thousand unwilling in her heart. But since they all came, it was useless for her and her husband to protest, and Li Zhi had to let herself see it a little wider. This look up and don't look down, the relationship is still good.
It is said that a slap does not make a sound. Li Zhi wanted to get along well with her mother-in-law and sister-in-law, but they didn't necessarily think so.
Since the in-laws moved in, they have eaten and lived with Mrs. And mrs. Hua Lizhi. They didn't pay their living expenses, they didn't do housework, and they didn't even clean up the second bedroom they were given to live in.
Li Zhi had to go to work during the day to earn money, to pick up the children from school after work, to cook the family's meals, and then to clean up, help with homework, and was busy like a gyroscope every day.
In addition, from time to time, we must also deal with the sister-in-law's nonsense, as well as the mother-in-law's dependence on the old and selling the old. The only husband who felt he could rely on always defended his family and blamed Lizzie with them.
Each time it was one to three, and Li Zhi was very exhausted.
She has also proposed many times that her husband let her in-laws move away. It even shows that if you continue like this, you will not be able to live.
After talking more and more, the husband became more and more impatient: "They are also your family, why can't they live together?" I don't think you think of my family as family. ”
Whenever this time came, Li Zhi thought about simply getting a divorce. But as soon as I thought of the child, I put up with it again.
The mother-in-law saw Li Zhi's embarrassed look, and felt more and more that she was the hostess of this house, and she was very proud.
Not long ago, the sister-in-law secretly used Lizhi's lipstick, and the mother-in-law was also teaching the children to stir up dissension such as "In this room, your mother (Lizhi) is an outsider" and so on. Li Zhi was angry and threw her and her mother-in-law out. No matter how they knock, they just won't open the door.
At this time, the husband called back and angrily scolded Lizhi on the other end of the phone for going too far.
Li zhi had already made up her mind to divorce and said to her husband, "Because your mother cried once, I served your sister for a year. Now your mother is happy, we should leave. ”
Then she packed up her mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and husband's things and threw them out the door. Together with this terrible marriage, it was also discarded.
03
Li Zhi's husband forcibly brought the family to live with her, resulting in more and more conflicts between the mother-in-law and sister-in-law, and eventually irreparable, and the marriage also broke down. In essence, it is all caused by the husband.
Through their stories, we also understand the following two truths.
One: Filial piety is also a form of domestic violence.
When it comes to domestic violence, perhaps most people's concepts are still physical violence in the traditional sense.
But in fact, it also includes mental violence, economic control, and so on.
And I always believe that blindly sacrificing the rights and feelings of my partner to fulfill my filial piety is also a kind of domestic violence.
In life, in the eyes of some men, whether they are married or not, the original family is always in front of the small family. People in the original family, including parents and siblings, and even distant relatives who could not play for eight lifetimes, may be more important than their wives.
But what is marriage?
If marriage is for a woman, it is not about marrying a husband who prefers herself. Instead of marrying a man who is always on his own opposite side and pointing fingers at himself with his family, what is the point of such a marriage?
In fact, when a woman identifies a man, she is not afraid of hardship, and she will not dislike men for having no money.
She is afraid of being angry while accompanying men to suffer. Not cherished, not treated well, and fed the dog both youth and sincerity.
No one can be held back in an unforested marriage. Enough disappointment, let it go.
Second: Good family relations are mutual compromises, not unilateral accommodation.
I once heard the saying that love will tiptoe and bend over.
The person who loves you can't help you tiptoe all the time. Similarly, the person who loves you will respond to your bending.
Throughout our lives, those families where husband and wife are harmonious with their wives and daughters-in-law must have a mother-in-law who can carry a clear line, a husband who is not biased, and a wife who is sensible.
Do not complain when things happen, respect each other, tolerate each other, and be willing to stand in each other's position to think about problems. Only in this way can such family relations develop steadily and orderly.
And if there is a party between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, the husband has not been able to play a good role in adjusting, blindly favoring or thin mud, always allowing the wife to compromise unconditionally and tolerate it, the marriage will sooner or later be dragged down, until it collapses.
Love is mutual. A good family relationship is a compromise between each other, not unilateral accommodation and tolerance.
Therefore, as a crucial figure in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the husband must clarify his identity. You are not only a son, but also a husband and a father.
Impartial, a bowl of water is flat, in order to be the head of the family, guard their marital happiness.
Text/No Pen