Recently, I was reading Li Meijin's book, called "Subtle Humanity", and when I looked at it, I couldn't help but tighten my brows, and it turned out that all the problems in the child could be refracted from the original family.
In layman's terms, every child who has problems during adolescence, such as early love, is mostly because her parents are divorced, or single parents, or the father is absent for a long time during the child's growth process, so she will be particularly obsessed with the opposite sex.
After adulthood, some people have problems behind the shadows of their parents, for example, if they love someone, they want to take it for themselves, and other people can't even look at it.
He will manage his girlfriend, to see his girlfriend's mobile phone and WeChat, the girlfriend feels that the control of me is too strict, do I not have social freedom?
This strong desire for domination can be very uncomfortable, but in his opinion, I am doing this to you because I love you. In fact, this is not true love, this deformed love, for another person, is a knife, a sharp blade, a wound.
01
The book mentions such a point of view, quite agree, the original words are like this, talking about love is one thing, marriage is another thing, love is easy, but marriage really needs to choose.
What kind of couple knows at a glance that it will not last long, the answer is very real.
Sometimes you will find that when a man lives with this woman, he beats her every day, and after the divorce, he finds another woman and stops fighting.
Why? Some people say that it is fate, in fact, it is a personality problem of two people, one thing drops one thing, some women can lower this man, and some can't drop.
Whether there is an element of love or not, it is difficult for outsiders to distinguish, but it is certain that linking marriage and love is a relatively modern concept, in ancient times, not to talk about this.
Love, too, has two sides, and is both a blessing and a curse. Modern people say that how to get married without love, and a marriage without love is a grave.
02
But after truly experiencing marriage, you will understand that marriage is a kind of law, love is not indispensable, there is better, there is no can live.
From a large number of cases, we found that the more feelings are not so strong, the more the love is not so dead and alive couples, but more suitable for marriage.
Sometimes I wonder if two people with intense feelings are suitable for marriage or long-term cohabitation, that is, living under one roof together?
The answer is no, because such two people, in the name of love, love is very deep, when together, possess each other, control each other, spy on each other.
There are almost no secrets between each other, two people have no private space, and a little contradiction and estrangement will lead to a big mistake.
Some husbands can't stand that their wives still have peach blossom luck in middle age, and there is always no shortage of suitors around them, so they are dissatisfied, and even fight hard.
03
Some wives do not understand why their husbands love themselves at the same time, but also with other women to talk about love, or even go to bed? She didn't understand, did he ever love himself?
If you have loved, how can you easily be occupied by another woman in the entire atrium of the heart, so that all the past feelings will be erased.
Just like the recent hit drama, the character played by Yuan Quan, she is much better than her husband, the salary is several times his, and the two began to separate many years ago.
For the sake of the children, they have always played the appearance of a loving couple on the surface, but in fact, they have long been separated, and she cannot stand the betrayal of her husband again and again.
She knew in her heart that he did not leave his mobile phone every day, and he lied a lot, that is, he was hooking up with the women outside, and he still didn't bother to pay attention to it and didn't bother to ask questions.
It is not that he does not love, but that the heart is dead, in her heart, the man in front of her is the father of the child, even if he is wrong again and again, in front of the child, she should also give him a healthy and tall father image.
04
She didn't want her 14-year-old son to have a shadow on the marriage when he became an adult because of the failure of her marriage, so when she divorced her husband, she was extremely generous.
Knowing that the party at fault was him, he still met all his requirements, he ate soft food hard, asked for a house, gave, asked for 500,000 yuan, and also gave.
The girlfriend felt that it was not worth it, and thought that she had no need to be kind to this kind of scoundrel, and it was not worth it. Her response was also very real, he was the father of the child after all.
I just wanted to draw a line with him early and get him out of my sight, not wanting to wait for a second. Yuan Quan's words actually appropriately confirm the mentality of most modern women when dealing with divorce.
She just wants to divorce immediately, immediately, preferably in a hurry, and does not want her body and mind to suffer any more, because in the past ten years, or even decades of married life.
All her patience, love, and pity were exhausted, and she could no longer convince herself to entangle with that person, even if she sacrificed the benefits that should not be sacrificed.
05
From this perspective, why too many husbands who are unfaithful in marriage take advantage of divorce is not how bad he is, but the ex-wife's subordinates.
She was more child-based, throwing out more than a million, or millions, and gritting her teeth. My heart was clearly dripping blood, and I was very unwilling to let the fruits of my labor be taken by others.
But helplessly, the most disgusting point of the soft rice man is to deny his own problems and point all the marital contradictions to his wife.
I think she's too strong, I think she doesn't treat herself as a person, I think she always looks down on herself, even if it's to give him money, it will feel like a kind of charity.
Such slander is not only ridiculous, but also the saying that when a person does not love you, whatever you do is wrong.
Even breathing is a mistake, what is wrong with her? Take care of your children, desperately earn money, and find time to please you who have nothing to do.
Think about it, how can it be possible for many years?
06
Middle-aged women often live alone into a team, even so, the husband still feels dissatisfied, always feel that you should care more about me.
Such a marriage will disintegrate sooner or later, and such a couple will know at a glance that they will not be able to go to the head, after all, she is a human being, not a god.
She can raise you as the eldest son, but you can't spend her money and make her head green.
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