01
Charlie Munger once said:
"After you know what guarantees a miserable life, just be careful to avoid them and you can achieve the success and happiness you want."
Marriage is a combination of two families.
If you want to maintain marital happiness, in addition to loving each other between husband and wife, you must also have a reasonable in-laws and a mother-in-law who does not over-take.
In real life, many marriages that are going to disintegrate are not because of how much contradiction there is between husband and wife, but from the provocation of dissension by an evil mother-in-law, or the insatiable demand of a mother-in-law.
When the small family encounters "cruelty" from the original family, how to correctly handle the contradiction between the small family and everyone is the key to determining the success or failure of the marriage.
If both husband and wife always safeguard the interests of their respective original families and disregard the interests of the small family, then the marital relationship is likely to decline.
The right thing to do is to avoid them carefully and guard your own happiness.
This is the case with Wang Mei (pseudonym). In the face of greedy parents, firmly choose to side with her husband and defend her marriage.
02
Wang Mei was born in an ordinary peasant family, with two brothers and sisters.
Her parents have always hoped that Wang Mei can marry a rich family to improve the family's conditions. In case my brother needs help in the future, he can also help him well.
Therefore, when Wang Mei first brought home her husband, who was also born in a peasant family, she was strongly opposed by her parents.
Because the conditions of the husband's family are not good, there is not much dowry money at all, let alone the sky-high bride price offered by the mother.
Her parents did not give in to the bride price, which made Wang Mei very embarrassed.
From an early age, she obeyed her parents' words, and most of her income after work was also given to the family, at the discretion of her mother, and never against her mother's wishes.
But she also couldn't let go of her love.
Thinking about it, Wang Mei finally decided to be brave for love. So she secretly took the household registration book and went to the Civil Affairs Bureau with her husband to register for marriage, hoping to force her parents to agree.
Although the parents knew that they were angry and pointed at Wang Mei's nose and scolded for a while, the effect was still good, and the parents finally had no choice but to accept this fact.
It is precisely because of the fact that they did not give a bride price when they got married, Wang Mei and her husband have always felt indebted to their mother's family in their hearts.
Therefore, in the past two years, after the husband's career has entered the right track and the income has slowly risen, the couple has always tried their best to give their parents some material compensation in order to make up for the guilt of their mother's family, and they are basically responsive to their parents' requirements.
It is said that a bite can not be fat. People's appetite is also fed one bite at a time.
Seeing that Wang Mei and his wife were so good at talking, the mother's side became more and more greedy.
Their parents originally preferred sons to daughters, and the salaries given to them as early as when Wang Mei was not yet married basically fell into her brother's pocket.
Nowadays, the husband's income is getting higher and higher, and the mother's parents take this opportunity to kidnap the husband, find various reasons to ask for money every three to five years, and then take it all to supplement the life of the younger brother.
The frequency and quantity of money is getting higher and higher.
Watching the mother's family like a bottomless pit waiting for him to fill the pit, the husband gradually felt that he could not afford it, and he also began to dislike the insatiable face of the mother's family, and often complained to Wang Mei about this matter.
Fortunately, Wang Mei is a clear person, and she understands that her parents have crossed the line by doing so, so she chooses to stand on the side of her husband and defend her marriage.
A few years ago, my mother called to say that she had a house in the county town for her brother to marry, and wanted Wang Mei and his wife to help the staff officers.
Wang Mei knew in her heart that if she said that she was a staff officer, in fact, they were already satisfied, and they were waiting for Wang Mei to pay the full amount.
Yes, it's full money. They didn't care if Wang Mei and his wife had so much money, they only cared about whether their son had a loan or not, and had a more relaxed life.
Wang Mei made an excuse at that time and prevaricated.
My mother was not dead hearted, and she made many phone calls during the Spring Festival. First, he pretended to beckon them to go back to eat Chinese New Year's Eve meal, and then hoped that they would take time to go home to see, and then consciously or unconsciously talked about the lack of money to buy a house, and even in the case that Wang Mei clearly said that she would not pay for it, she directly scolded her for losing money and having no conscience.
Wang Mei was also very angry, and later her mother called again, and she didn't pay much attention to her mother.
Two days ago, my mother called again and said pleasantly: "Daughter-in-law, and son-in-law came to my mother's house for the Lantern Festival." ”
Wang Mei did not want to continue to be pestered by her mother because of this matter, and said fiercely: "Go again, my good life will be over." "Just hang up the phone."
My mother called again, and she didn't answer again.
Wang Mei said that the money given to her mother intermittently in the past two years has long exceeded the number of dowries proposed by her mother that year, which can be regarded as two clear.
She didn't want to bury her happy marriage because of her mother's greed.
03
I have to say that in real life, there are not many sober "daughters" like Wang Mei in the world, but most of them are poor women who have been kidnapped by their relatives and scattered.
It's not easy for a woman to marry a good man. If you want to keep your marriage, you must understand the following two truths:
One: It is easy to produce vague "cross-border" behavior between relatives.
Each of us has a bottom line in our hearts that we will not easily cross, nor will we allow others to trample on them at will.
When interacting with others, we often consciously abide by the unspoken rules of social interaction and will not easily test the bottom line of others.
Only when facing relatives, it is easier to produce vague "cross-line" behavior.
Because family affection is the most precious thing in the world that each of us lives in. Whether psychologically or emotionally, I unconsciously trust and rely on family affection.
When life is difficult, the first thing people think of is to seek the help of their loved ones.
Or always think that family affection is the strongest relationship in the world, no matter how unreasonable they make, the other party will not really be angry, so they are more unscrupulous to ask, just to satisfy their own selfish desires.
And many of the parties who are asked for it, even if they are no longer willing, will hinder the special relationship of "relatives" and try to be satisfied.
One thinks that there is a family affection, and the other is always kidnapped by the family affection.
The cross-border relationship between relatives is often like Zhou Yu hitting Huang Gai, one willing to fight, one unwilling to be beaten.
I didn't dare to think about it, but I could only smile and greet each other.
And such a relationship, on the surface, seems to be calm and quiet, but in fact, the dark tide is surging. Once the last straw that crushed the camel appeared, it would bring devastating disasters to the family.
Second: The vague "cross-border" behavior between relatives should be treated rationally.
Zhou Guoping once said:
"All interactions have an insurmountable final boundary, which is not clear, but is certain, and all troubles and conflicts arise from the inadvertent attempt to break through this boundary."
Even if the relationship between two people is close, they should always maintain a sense of boundaries. This is especially true between relatives.
Affection is sometimes strong, even if the bones are broken, the tendons are still tightly connected. Sometimes it is fragile and vulnerable, and once damaged, it is difficult to repair.
Therefore, the vague "transgression" behavior between relatives must be treated rationally.
Many parents talk well with their daughters and sons-in-law, and as long as they do not die, they will exploit them to death and over-demand materially.
And many daughters hinder each other from being their own parents, or have the attribute of "mother-in-law slaves", and when faced with the unreasonable requirements of the mother's family, they are often satisfied if they can be satisfied, and they cannot be satisfied.
As a result of this, couples are often not harmonious, marriages are not compatible, and finally end in the pain of ending the marriage.
The right thing to do is to be like Wang Mei in the story, grateful to her parents but not blindly filial piety. When the greed of "everyone" threatens the happiness of the "little family", have the courage to say "no" to the vampire-like parents and guard their marriage.
Many people may find it difficult to take the step of rejecting their parents.
But this is actually the same as the "crocodile law" in economics:
When a crocodile bites your foot, if you try to pull the foot out of the crocodile's mouth with your hand, the crocodile will most likely bite your hand and foot at the same time. The more you struggle, the worse you'll be bitten. The only way to do this is to sacrifice one foot to minimize losses.
When family affection is kidnapped, only by cutting off "that foot" can we have a new life.
Text/No Pen