Went to the barbershop to get a short unisex haircut, put on a hip-hop outfit, and went shopping with my girlfriend! We were walking hand in hand, and suddenly I was kicked from behind and then pounced on me

Went to the barbershop to get a short unisex haircut, put on a hip-hop outfit, and went shopping with my girlfriend! We were walking hand in hand, and suddenly I was kicked down from behind, and then pounced on me, one look was my girlfriend's boyfriend, her boyfriend looked at me, stunned, a strong apology to me "sorry, sorry, I didn't expect it to be you, I thought it was a faceless little white face seducing my wife"! I......

2, last Christmas morning, I passed by my mother's breakfast stall, took 2 buns in my hand and left, just at this time, a girl saw that I took the buns and did not give money, and also followed 2 to go. I was grabbed by my mother, "Why don't you give money when you girl takes the bun?" The girl said, "Didn't the man just now give me no money?" "He's my son, who are you?" "I'm his girlfriend!" Now she really is my girlfriend!

3, when I was in school, I was an iron brother in a dormitory. In my freshman year, I hung up on the advanced math, he fell out of love, and we drank together. In my sophomore year, I hung up on calculus, he fell out of love again, and we drank together. In my junior year, I hung up on the simulation project, he fell out of love again, and we drank together. When I graduated from my senior year, I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 months and went to drink his happy wine.

4. Me: Grandma. My Grandma: What's up? Me: In the morning I was going out to run an errand, and a car in front of me was waiting for a red light, and suddenly four strong men came down. My Grandma: And then what? Me: Then they went to the back and startled me, I thought I didn't want him, I was going to beat me, and then the four of them started pushing the cart, hahahahahaha My Grandma:

5, my wife and I met at the temple fair. I remember that it was one day many years ago, I saw someone telling fortunes at the temple, so I went up to do a fortune telling, and the fortune teller touched my hand and gave me a sentence in half a day: "Young man, I see that you are wearing peach blossoms today, and you must have a marriage." "Then I happily gave 50 yuan. In this way, I met my wife, and it was not until the day I met my parents that I realized that the gentleman who had told me my fortune was actually my husband.

6, my wife is a cruel and wayward person, today she is crying and clamoring to buy brand-name bags, I raised my hand is a slap, to her drink: do you want to?" She looked at me and continued to cry. My heart was fierce, and I slapped ten times in a row and said, "Do you want to?" Finally, under my majesty, she stopped crying. Watching the tigress being subdued by me, I touched my already reddened face and smiled.

7, my mother and my brother want to get a haircut, because our barber shop here is more expensive than other places, so they went to the next village, just next door village has a very delicious milk tea, I asked them to help me bring a cup by the way. Finally milk tea they remember to bring, but forgot the haircut on the back, I kept laughing at my mother she still did not let Timohaha ~ ~ ~

8, how did I pick watermelons. "Boss, how is your melon, sweet or not?" "Rest assured! It's all sand, not sweet, no money! "Really?!" "That's not it!" "Well, you cut me one, everything in half, I don't want it to be sweet!" (After the boss carefully selected, he was about to cut it) "Okay, don't cut it, put it on me!" ”

9, I secretly bought a 360 square meter villa in Beijing, no one told me. The monthly mortgage is more than 10,000, and finally overdue, call my dad's place. When I got home, I saw my dad not go into the bedroom on the third floor. Then there was a cacophony of noise from the room, accompanied by the sound of falling things. A few minutes later Dad came out with a dusty box. Dad said: You take the gold bars inside to sell it, the extra money you take to buy a car to drive, your dad and I drive a Lamborghini every day, you drive a broken Santana, the family is not without money, you still mortgage to buy a house? ay! I wanted to be on my own.

10, my eyes are highly myopic, the previous glasses are low, so today my mother took me to wear glasses. A girl came to the optical shop to introduce, and the mother chatted a few words, and actually looked at the right eye. I was looking at the frame, and she actually pulled the clerk to me and said, "Son, this girl is good, you take it down and make me a daughter-in-law!" "I saw the messy look in the clerk's eyes... Where is the seam!

1 when I was a child, the road home was very dark, especially afraid, just a sister riding a bicycle slowly from the side, instantly felt grasping the hope, rubbing and following the sister's bicycle to run. My sister rode faster and faster, and I was afraid that I would be left alone in the dark, so I got up and chased after me. I didn't tell you that my sister finally cried and blew the stirrups away, and I was scared and cried and almost broke my leg.

12, when I was a child, I lived near the Chengdu-Kunming Railway, often played with my friends nearby, whenever the train came, we chased the train to run, sometimes the train would spew out water mist, we would spray us with water mist, and we were very happy, there was time to open my mouth to pick up, and later after knowing what it was, whenever I remembered, the originally beautiful childhood memories were instantly ruined.

13, the balcony watered the flowers, but lost their hands and spilled them on the passers-by downstairs! Panicked, I hurried downstairs with a towel! The victim was a bald uncle who took a towel and carefully wiped the water droplets on his head, and I repeatedly said "sorry" on the side. He didn't think it was wrong, but quipped to me: Boy, the water is poured, you can't grow hair, you have to be responsible?

14, after a heavy rain, the temperature suddenly dropped below zero, and most colleagues in the office had a cold. Before going to bed, I brushed the circle of friends and saw that the beautiful colleague sent a note: I really want to slap this ghost weather. I replied: can't fight, can't fight, can't catch up with me, it's so powerful! As a result, people got angry and said: Why are you so naughty. I hurried back: I'm not naughty, I just want to make you happy. This morning I went to work, and her boyfriend punched me without saying a word, not that I hooked up with his girlfriend! I......