As soon as I woke up, I saw that the phone screen was lit, a phone number with no notes. I didn't answer or hang up, quietly waiting for the phone to hang up. Groggy and groggy, upstairs

As soon as I woke up, I saw that the phone screen was lit, a phone number with no notes.

I didn't answer or hang up, quietly waiting for the phone to hang up.

Dizzy and panicked, the very clear cries downstairs were stirred up in the mourning, and I closed my eyes and waited for the tears that came up again to pass.

I knew I should get up now and put on my mourning clothes and go downstairs to burn some paper money for my father, but I didn't want to move.

I didn't want to move at all.

I didn't want to get up, I didn't want to wear the mourning clothes that were as white as ghosts, I didn't want to go downstairs, I didn't want to see the photograph and the urn in the hall.

I don't know how long it took, but when I opened my eyes again, the phone screen was finally black.

The screen of the phone that was unlocked at first glance lit up in the dark room, and the first thing I saw was the time, it was already seven o'clock.

The second glance revealed that there were a lot of missed calls and unread messages.

Don't want to watch, don't want to go back.

Without looking, I know that it is some person who cannot find a little sincere comfort just out of courtesy.

All said is the funeral can be what can be done, there can not be a person alive.

Silently continued to stare at the bed for a while, or sat up slowly.

The house was quietly dark, and the room next to Dad's room was locked.

Even if it is not locked, there is nothing to look at, the person is no longer there, the clothes have been sorted out, and even the bed has been moved.

Trance walked to the door to change shoes, suddenly remembered, four days ago, I woke up again in the early morning to prepare to take the dog downstairs, it was also in this position, Dad heard a voice in the room, stopped me, and said to me: It is very cold downstairs, you have to wear more clothes.

That was the last thing he said to me.

It was still cold today, even colder than it had been that day, but no one had told me to wear more clothes.

I never had a chance to ask him if it hurt to be awake so late.

I know that advanced cancer is incurable, I know that cancer pain in cancer patients is painful, and I know that every day we spend together is a countdown.

But I really didn't think that it would be so fast.

It's so fast that there's no time to say goodbye, not even the last look, and you'll never see each other.

I didn't even think that when this day really came, all I could recall was so limited.

……

Long before I fell ill, my understanding and fear of death, like most people, felt that it was the saddest and untouchable suffering in the world.

Then, during the two years of my illness, I was unable to solve the unchangeable difficulties again and again, and I thought to the extreme that death might be the only way for me to escape.

I look forward to the day when I can not wake up in my dreams again, never have to face the ups and downs of this world again, and even tried this many times.

But now, for the first time, when I face death so closely, and watch it fall upon the people closest to me, I suddenly realize that the previous understanding of death was so shallow and one-sided.

I still can't define the meaning of death, but I know that it has taken away one of my most important relatives and rooted this grief of never-ending in every day that comes when I think of him.

Years after that, year after year, we can only see each other again in our memories.