1, last night finally lived with my girlfriend, the next day I woke up I hugged her carefully for half a day, asked her how to remove makeup how it is different from usual? My girlfriend shyly threw herself into my arms and told me,

1, last night finally lived with my girlfriend, the next day I woke up I hugged her carefully for half a day, asked her how to remove makeup how it is different from usual? My girlfriend shyly threw herself into my arms and told me that you have eaten instant noodles for so many years, don't you know that the packaging pattern is for reference only??

2. My second uncle was crushed by the machine in the factory, rested for half a year, assessed the eighth level of disability, compensated 300,000 yuan, and proposed a new car at the end of the year. That day he issued fifty dollars to the machine in the factory, and he used his feet to stir it. I happened to be seen by the boss and pushed the second uncle aside: "You used three fingers to change the car, and now you want to take your feet to change the suite, don't you?" ”

3. Not long ago, the newly widowed female president was particularly hard to bring two children alone, and I often went to her house to help repair the water pipe and change the light bulb. My wife was very angry about this and had a big fight with me, and I couldn't help but scold her twice, and she ignored me angrily. In the afternoon she went to pick up her son from school, and I called her: I got out of the house and didn't come back! Don't come to me, live well with your children! After saying that, I hung up the phone and started playing the game. After a while, the son came back: Dad, why are you still here, mom said that you are out of the house, very happy, said to go grocery shopping, ready to celebrate in the evening! I......

4. This year I performed the best in the company, and our president proposed me as a manager when he held a meeting today. Naturally, my salary also rose a lot, and the more I thought about it throughout the day, the more excited I became. After work I was ecstatic to take my girlfriend to a barbecue. After eating, the girlfriend inserted the bamboo skewers in the empty beer bottle. Then he said to me, "Youth, the old man has counted you in!" After saying that, he shook the bottle, dropped a bamboo stick out, and the girlfriend shouted: "Little youth, this is the next signature!" You need to break your fortune to avoid natural disasters!! Before I could say anything, she scoured my wallet. The cargo patted me on the shoulder and said, "Rest assured, dear, I will help you block the natural disaster!" Me: "Roll!! Did you know that this was a natural disaster? It is clear that it is a man-made disaster. ”

5, what is the use of high education, doctoral degrees have been read, or no girlfriend. Listen to the matchmaker, the other party is a rich second generation, but the academic qualifications are only high school. When he arrived at the agreed place, the man said directly and proudly: My father is the vice president of the top 500, and I am now working in his Jin Mao Building. I looked at him faintly and said dismissively: Cut, the eunuch is still working in the Forbidden City!

6. The father-in-law is a professor at Shandong Normal University, and after retirement, he can receive a retirement pension of 56,000 yuan a month. Because he was idle and bored at home, his father-in-law found a newly opened fish pond to fish, a rod 100! This weekend, I just happened to rest, so I went out with my husband. There were a lot of fish in the pond, and the bite hook was fierce, and in a short while I caught seven or eight big fish. The father-in-law was angry, and threw the fish into the fish pond fiercely, and the rod was to be returned. Confused, I hurried to ask why. The father-in-law said breathlessly: This fish pond bites the hook too fast, and has lost the pleasure of fishing.?

7, this day to go on a blind date, the other party is actually a small and accomplished middle-aged uncle. He was not handsome, bald, with a big belly, and sat across from me in an upstart posture. I was a little disappointed, so I hung my eyes listlessly. The other party spoke very directly, and when he saw me sit down, he said: Girl, you are very beautiful, it would be a pity if you were my wife! I was stunned after listening to it, and I felt a little guilty, how rude I was compared to the other party. However, he finally came to a sentence: It is a pity to be a wife, or you will be my lover, right?

8. Once I went to bed in writing class and woke up to ask what the topic of the essay at the same table was. The same table struggled to write without looking up and said, "The topic is if I were a pig." As soon as I heard it, I wrote it, so I thought hard and racked my brains to write a "If I were a pig." When the teacher asked me to read it with emotion in front of the whole class, I realized that the title was "If I Were a Spider."

9. Because I usually don't study well, my grades often come to the bottom of the class. This time the final exam was the bottom of the class, and when I came home in the evening, my mother was ready to beat me again. At this time, I retorted to her: If you think that hitting me can improve your learning, why do you want the teacher? You can't learn from Dad, who teaches verbally every time. Dad also advised mom: Yes, every time you beat him, he didn't change, this time it's time to change me to beat him, right?

10, I used to have a classmate, three days two hairstyles, this week to dye hair, the next week and perm, and then directly the whole head exploded. The class teacher criticized him several times, but he did not listen, but he was angry and directly called the parents. His father came over, combed a ponytail, and asked the class teacher to calm down and have time to cut his hair at a 50% discount

11. Mom stewed beef icon with a pressure cooker. The first time I used it, I stewed the paste. Dad comforted Mom and said that the first time I did it was inexperienced, the next time I wouldn't. The second time, it was stewed again, and Dad didn't say a word... Yesterday, my mother stewed beef again. Dad was very angry and slammed the pot hard... It scared everyone away. Dad said: The first 2 times paste, you have no experience, is your problem. You have experience, still paste?! Wife It's not your problem, it's the pot's problem! Let's change the pot! We..

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #