Young people who can't have children

Author | South Wind Window reporter Xiao Yao

In Wuhan, Hubei Province, a 32-year-old woman took 12 years of hard work to give birth to her child. On April 4, the matter attracted widespread attention and discussion on social platforms.

From 2010 to the present, she has experienced 14 pregnancies, including 13 miscarriages. Recently, through a cesarean section, she finally managed to give birth to a baby boy.

The bitterness and bitterness in it can be spied on by these figures alone. The truth is that there are still many young people who are desperate to have children. For many couples, the simple desire to have their first child is not met.

Recently, a 32-year-old woman in Wuhan, Hubei Province, was pregnant with 14 miscarriages and 13 times to realize her dream, and the doctor said that the result was satisfactory but the mentality of desperate birth was not recommended to follow

With the development of the economy, the fertility rate of a society is indeed bound to decrease, but in recent years, the fertility rate of the school-age population has been sluggish, except for some people who do not want to have children, there are also a considerable number of people who cannot seek children.

According to data released by the Chinese Association and the National Health Commission in 2018, the infertility rate of couples of childbearing age in China has climbed from 2.5%-3% 20 years ago to about 12%-15% in recent years, with a total of 50 million patients.

That's the equivalent of an average of one couple in every 8 couples.

According to the WHO definition, "infertility" means "normal sexual life, failure to conceive or have children within 1 year without the use of contraception".

In the medical and health service platform "Dr. Lilac" on infertility, the probability of male and female main causes is almost the same, and some of them are caused by men and women.

Nowadays, "fertility difficulties" cover many dimensions such as sociology and psychology in addition to pathological reasons. Fertility capability refers to people's basic needs for fertility from the aspects of body, time and energy, and material resources.

Obviously, such as the general increase in the age of first marriage and first childbearing, with the increase of age, the physiological conditions of the human body naturally decline.

When the media and the Internet are paying attention to the part of young people who do not want to have children, who can hear the voices of families who want to be born?

01

Nightmare

After missing the opportunity to have children for the fourth time, the post-85 Alai continued to dream of the baby for a long time.

Many of her peers were always awakened by the cries of babies, and Alai seemed to be awakened by a dead silence every morning, and fell into a miserable reality as soon as he opened his eyes.

Is it loneliness? Or anxiety, jealousy, self-blame, shame? All of them.

Dreams become nightmares because they come true again and again. Less than half a year after the first miscarriage, she became pregnant for the second time, however, when she went to the hospital to do the B ultrasound, when the payment queue, she brushed a pregnancy science video in her mobile phone, which mentioned a concept called "fetal cessation", Alai trembled in her heart: will not be touched by me!

Unexpectedly, afraid of what came, a few hours later, the B ultrasound results came out - fetal cessation.

The third pregnancy was still in the hope range, but this time it hit an ectopic pregnancy, the gestational sac grew on the ovaries, bleeding 1500cc, "almost lost my life." ”

Alai fell into helplessness step by step, fortunately, the family has been giving support and companionship, her husband told her, otherwise we will not want, she knows, the mother-in-law also secretly told her husband to "take the problem to himself".

But in any case, three consecutive "stillbirths", Alai had to face his own hard wounds: the ovarian reserve function was not high, and for several years, AMH (anti-Mueller's tube hormone) continued to decrease.

Stills from the movie "Dear"

In medicine, the AMH index is often used to assess a woman's ovarian function, and a low index usually means that the ovarian reserve function is low.

It wasn't until after the failed fourth pregnancy that the doctor told Alai and her husband that "you can try the tube." Alai immediately lifted the god from the loss, hit the iron while it was hot, and took 12 follicles in one breath, with 6 of them, of which only 2 embryos, it was difficult to transplant the bed, the result was no fetal heart, and had to do another abortion.

After many miscarriages, Alai obviously felt that his physical condition was getting worse, his physical strength was not as good as before, and the whole person almost became a medicine jar.

Every time I see news on the Internet such as "a young girl gives birth unexpectedly" and "young people don't want to have children", Alai is angry: for others, things as natural as eating and drinking, trying to avoid things, how can it be more difficult for me to come here than heaven?

Pregnancy test stick

Li Yun, a physician at the Reproductive Medical Center of Zhengzhou Hospital in Henan Province, summed up based on his five years of work experience that the fertility disorder that young women are most likely to face is "polycystic ovary syndrome", which he specifically emphasizes, "This is a 'symptom', not a 'symptom'." The so-called "polycystic ovary syndrome" is more like a physiological state caused by multiple factors.

Under the influence of poor living habits such as diet and work and rest, the incidence of POLYOS has increased greatly.

For a long time, small advertisements on the back of bus chairs have led people to believe that infertility is a disease that is somewhat difficult for most people to talk about. But when they are willing to reveal their efforts in childbearing, they also hope that this difficulty that affects the whole family will be understood and valued.

Among the fertility patients that Li Yun has received, no matter the age group, no matter where the main problem is, the psychological pressure of both husband and wife is relatively large, and as soon as they enter the consultation room, they are full of sadness, as if they are suffering from a serious illness, there is a mouth that "saves me", and there is a cry because of a fetal stop.

Li Yun could only enlighten them: "If you think about it, you have only heard of accidental pregnancy, and you have never heard of accidental pregnancy, right?" ”

02

Secrets that cannot be said

After getting married in 2016, there has been no pregnancy, Qiuyuan and her husband went to the fertility center to hang up the expert number, was diagnosed with "endometrial complexity hyperplasia", and immediately decided to do salpingogram and embarked on the road of test tubes.

Unexpectedly, this road is not easier than preparing for pregnancy, from June 2019 to August this year, Qiuyuan promoted ovulation 3 times, transplanted 4 times, all failed. Incredibly, the reasons for the failure are all vague – the doctor can give the explanation that is the "probability problem".

The suffering brought by the test tube to Qiu Yuan is not more physical, but psychological. "When promoting ovulation, worry about the follicle growing too fast or grow too slowly, worry about the early discharge of the follicles when retrieving eggs, worry about the small number of eggs retrieved, worry about fertilization after taking eggs, worry about whether it can be successfully formulated into embryos, worry about whether implantation can be made after transfer, successful implantation and worry about whether the HCG double is normal, double normal and afraid of whether there is a fetal heart, etc."

At this time, 31-year-old Qiu yuan officially began to face the fact that "maybe she will never be able to have children".

Wei Lin, a specialist infertility at a top three hospital in Shenzhen, remembers that about three or four years ago, the average number of fertility patients received by each doctor per month was less than 1,000, and now it has almost doubled.

Overall, the average age of ivy tube applicants that Wei Lin has encountered so far is around 32 years old, and usually, patients over thirty years old will be advised to try ivy tubes, but "generally over 42 years old we will be dissuaded." ”

Since the birth of the first case of IVF in China in 1988, IVF technology has become a lifesaver for many patients with fertility difficulties. The essence of IVF is ivory fertilization, the principle is simple, but the operation process is quite cumbersome. In the experience of Alai and Qiuyuan, the test tube is like turning one's body into a container, and in the cycle of making test tubes, almost every day, blood is drawn, hysteroscopy is done, egg induction injections are given, and eggs are retrieved again and again.

On July 25, 1978, the world's first case of IVF Louis Brown was born in the United Kingdom

Many times anxiety overshadows pain, and in order to wait for a result before becoming "elderly mothers", they can only grit their teeth and toss their bodies again and again, from habit to gradual numbness.

Li Yun concluded that in the past 4 or 5 years, the breeding groups he has encountered have shown the characteristics of "younger and younger, older and older". After the opening of the two-child policy, one of the main reasons for the unsatisfactory birth growth rate is that "elderly women have great difficulties in giving birth and are at great risk." ”

Li Yun has received the oldest female patient 50 years old, "good luck has not amenorrhea", a year ago, the only child died, can only try the test tube, do eight or nine cycles, before and after spending four or five hundred thousand. "The higher the cost of older people, the lower the chance of success in taking an egg," Li Said, adding that after three years, the elderly mother finally gave birth to a healthy baby.

Michelle Obama, who spoke for the first time in an interview about the difficulties she encountered during pregnancy, revealed that she had experienced miscarriages and that both of Obama's daughters were IVF

Once, Li Yun dissuaded a female seeker who was nearly half a hundred years old, and egg retrieval at an advanced age had a considerable risk to life, but the other party was resolute and resolute: "I am not afraid of death."

"When you die, who raises the child?" Li Yun was helpless.

03

Who's in a hurry?

Except for not having children, Tianjie felt that there was no shortage of anything between her and her ex-husband.

There is no shortage of deep emotional foundations: from high school to graduate school, from school uniforms to wedding dresses; there is no shortage of economic conditions enough to start a family: after working for a few years, the two bought a house and a car together in Beijing, and gradually took root in the big city.

But the ideal "perfect family" is alone with one child.

Stills from the TV series "Parental Love"

Tianjie began to prepare for pregnancy in 2012, and did not move for most of the year, but the results of the pregnancy test were not a big problem. They went to the best hospital in Beijing to try artificial aids, like them, for unknown reasons, they had to fail three times of artificial insemination to qualify for test tubes.

The ex-husband was a child in a single-parent household and was raised by his mother alone. Since 2014, Tianjie's mother-in-law has begun to make several phone calls every day, at least one of which is to promote children: "I think you can't sleep at night when you have children, and cry until dawn." ”

The mother-in-law also called Tianjie's mother and opened the door to the mountain, "Is it that Tianjie has miscarried too much?" Tianjie's mother was angry: "I have never been pregnant, where is the miscarriage?" The mother-in-law muttered again, "Did you not take the brazier when you got married, and brought dirty things?" ”

By this time, the ex-husband had been reluctant to do test tubes, "he felt that this was the last straw, and if he still failed, it would be equivalent to sentencing him to death." ”

Until August 2015, one day, Tianjie was at work, suddenly received a call from her mother-in-law, asking Tianjie to divorce her ex-husband, saying that "my son can't go without children."

After tossing and turning for several months, the couple was exhausted and finally walked into the Civil Affairs Bureau. Marriage mediators tried to persuade them: "Not many divorces are getting over the birth of children now." But the ex-husband was unusually determined, and the mediator couldn't help but secretly tell Tianjie: "He only has children in his eyes, leave it." ”

Stills from the TV series "Do You Know If It Should Be Green Fat Red Skinny"

Tianjie didn't understand why, when the "childbirth" thing became less simple, life began to become a mess. Love, affection, began to face the same challenges, the original happy marriage was gradually crushed by a non-existent child.

Once, Wei Lin received a couple nearly 40 years old, the two built a file for test tubes, after a series of processes, the embryos were ready, in the next several re-examinations, the man has not appeared. Until one time, when the wife came to see the doctor, the woman's in-laws secretly ran into the consultation room to tell the doctor that the husband of the original female patient had died a while ago.

And this, the patient herself has been hiding from the doctor, because she herself wants a child.

In China, this situation can usually only be litigated and legal procedures. "Embryos are mutual and must be agreed by both people." Wei Lin said.

Although, in principle, when the husband and wife come together to retrieve eggs and fertilize, they can already represent the informed consent of both parties, but the law still strictly stipulates that the transplantation procedure of the test tube must be signed and confirmed by both the man and the woman.

Li Yun also encountered a similar case, the man's family has superior economic conditions, but suddenly died unexpectedly after the embryo was prepared, in the face of his wife's insistence on giving birth to a child, the man's family finally signed a property division agreement with his daughter-in-law, and then agreed to continue to transfer embryos.

Having children is a matter of two people, but in China, having one more child is often a matter for the whole family.

04

Who has the final say?

Li Yun once met a couple who came to seek medical treatment, male intelligence has pathological defects, women suffer from schizophrenia, both have hereditary.

Due to genetic risks and ethical considerations, the hospital finally discussed and decided not to give the couple a test tube. However, the man's parents still came to register every day, and in the end, they did not forgive, knelt down in front of the doctor, rolled around, and wrote a lawsuit against Li Yun.

Another time, a rural couple came to ask for a son, and Li Yun learned that they had seven daughters, but the husband still insisted on having a son. "The wife has no financial status in the family and six of the seven births were caesarean sections." The saddest thing is that one of the girls is lost, and the couple doesn't care.

Stills from the movie "Private Life"

As a doctor, Li Yun had to advise the woman: "You must not give birth again, otherwise it is easy for the uterus to rupture." ”

The other party echoed her husband: "Isn't this still broken!" ”

In fact, it is reasonable that hospitals should not test tube this pair, "because the multi-child policy supports parents of only children, and it is those families who actually have needs and parenting conditions." ”

Whether it is macro policy or individual anxiety, for the country, the population problem cannot be avoided, and for a family and a couple, the issue of fertility has never been a slogan or a matter of lamentation.

Stills from the movie "What a Home"

Alai secretly told me a secret: when she was in her twenties, like many young people I hear now, I thought that children were the most terrifying creatures in the world, and that having children was comparable to going to hell.

Now, she had heard of a word called "motherhood", which is often used in society as a voice for women's rights and interests, reflecting on the impact of childbirth on the individual, but Alai only felt a heavier helplessness: since I had thought clearly, I was willing to assume the functions and responsibilities of being a mother, but I never achieved it.

"It's still that word, empty, empty."

(Alai, Tianjie, Li Yun, Wei Lin are pseudonyms)

Edit | Monet

Typography | Jungar

Follow the South Wind Window for more content