A man was in a car accident and was taken to the hospital for rescue, and his wife stood at the bedside and asked the doctor, "Is he badly injured?" The doctor replied, "I'm afraid he's dead." "Man one

A man was in a car accident and was taken to the hospital for rescue, and his wife stood at the bedside and asked the doctor, "Is he badly injured?" The doctor replied, "I'm afraid he's dead." When the man heard this, he quickly moved his head and said, "I am not dead, I am still alive!" His wife quickly stopped him and said, "Be quiet, the doctor knows more than you." ”

2, once ate a Western food ice cream, that time the eldest nephew coughed just right, I was afraid that he ate too much bad, so after the ice cream came up, I also took a spoon to eat there, the original intention was that I ate a little more of this bear child can eat less. When a certain spoon went down, he pressed me with his own small spoon and said to me in a serious tone: Second uncle, you are leisurely, some things, endure a little and pass..." He was only three and a half years old when he said this sentence!

3, at home there is nothing to like to fight with my father, that day really can not fight him, angry I slapped the table, said to him: "Old Guo Tou, you weather me, this account should have a settlement." When my dad heard this, he rolled up his sleeves, "Hey, you still want to beat you lao tzu?" I shook my index finger and said, "Nonono, hit Daddy with a cattle killing knife?" Then I yelled, "Mom, my dad hid his money, and he was smeared with tape on the bottom of the TV cabinet drawer..." Then my mom came in with a rolling pin...

4, yesterday morning when I was lying in bed dreaming, I vaguely received a call from my father: Son, I won the lottery, you hurry back. I was suddenly surprised and happy, thinking about whether this would be a dream, I pinched myself, it would hurt, it turned out that it was really not a dream. So he immediately quit his job, didn't even want his luggage, and rushed home. After arriving home, my father took a bank card and said to me: Help you save a hundred million, you take it and spend it casually. I was ecstatic, and I couldn't dream of anything that I actually encountered. So I took out five million, bought a sports car, and bought a mansion with another 20 million.

5, the cousin is very fat, 26 years old and has no object. Yesterday we went shopping, saw a handsome guy selling pears, pulled me hard over, weighed five pounds. Before leaving, my cousin said, "Is there enough scale?" ”。 Handsome man: "Auntie! You can rest assured, if you don't weigh enough, you'll let me play bare sticks for the rest of my life." Cousin: "Who's auntie?" I'm only 26 years old, so, if there is not enough scale, you consider marrying me, what? ”。 The handsome man looked at his cousin, thought about it, grabbed the bag of pears, and added four more to it...

6, the boyfriend took me back to his home for the New Year, I met the parents for the first time very nervous, the boyfriend went out to buy something, leaving me and my aunt at home, just saw a fur coat on the sofa, found the topic: Auntie, this is a mink coat, right? It's so pretty! While talking, I touched it with my hand, when there was a "Wang" sound, and a big dog jumped off the sofa...

7, the boyfriend took me to his home, the first time I saw my in-laws, I was very nervous. The boyfriend went out to buy something, leaving me and my aunt at home, just saw a fur coat on the sofa, and looked for something to talk about: Auntie, this is a mink coat, right? It's so pretty, I touched it with my hand as I said it. At this time, with a "Wang" sound, a golden retriever jumped off the sofa...

8, the prevalence of Internet celebrities, but also produced some not so good effects. A survey shows that 54% of the emerging occupations most desired by the post-95 generation have chosen internet celebrity anchors, which is undoubtedly because they think that making money is easy, money is fast, and they don't want to do other more stable jobs. With the development of the influencer industry, its threshold is also constantly increasing, more than 70% of influencers have a bachelor's degree or above, and 146% of internet celebrities have a doctoral or master's degree. The prospects of the internet celebrity industry are very good, but everyone still has to consider their own conditions and the ability to be competent, rather than blindly entering, which is a waste of time and has no gain.

9, I bought a car and then paid a deposit, 5000 yuan, ordered a black one! Then other stores contacted me and said that I bought a loss, their store can be less than 7,000 yuan, I can refund this deposit, I think the difference between the two is a bit much

10. January 12, 2018! My son was born! My wife called me to the bedside, handed me a bank card, and said, "After having a son, the cost will be greater, I know that it is not easy for you to make money, this card is a little money for me, and the password is the date we first meet." Today last year I inserted the card into the A machine and entered the "170722 with tears in my eyes

1 The elderly who can't grab daily necessities here in the UK these days, and the supermarket staff who work for 13 hours continuously but can't buy food after work. In recent years, I have been wondering, if the per capita public resources in the UK here are reduced to an indicator for developing countries, will the concept of "British gentleman" still exist?

12, in the morning at home to lie in bed, it seems that the little cousin is also lying in bed. Mom shouted several times in the living room, and no one squeaked. Then I heard my father's majestic voice: "Whoever you two get up first, give two hundred to whom" I used the fastest speed of getting up in more than ten years, but when I rushed to the living room, my little cousin was bare-chested, wearing a big pants, holding two brand-new Grandpa Mao in his hand, smiling. Alas, I will never sleep naked again.

13, Rocket Girl 10R1se airborne "Creation Camp", similar to the mentor, the trainees will be evaluated after the performance, He Luoluo commented on Hu Jiaxin's "heartbeat is also for you" Hahaha netizens said that this is a blind date show? Hu Jiaxin's smile is indeed very sweet

14, me: I was beaten today. Friend: Why? Me: I went to the supermarket today to buy cigarettes and found that I didn't have a lighter with me. Friend: And then what? Me: I said to the boss to help me get a lighter. Friend: That's normal. Me: He grabbed me and asked what my last name was and I said it hurt. Friend: You were fine if you didn't kill.