The writer Montaigne said: "A happy marriage is one of the greatest happiness in life, and an unhappy marriage is tantamount to living in hell." ”
A happy marriage is the same, awakening the most beautiful emotions in the human heart, positive, infinitely lovely, and never lacking the motivation to move forward. And unhappy marriages have their own misfortunes, in short, a lifetime of chickens fighting and fighting, there is no peace.
Although marriage is not a necessity of life, it does account for a large proportion of the happiness of life.
On the other hand, an unsatisfactory marriage is the real disaster in life, like a soft knife killing people, bringing about mental torture and abuse.
So the more you go on, the more you will find that choosing the right person to marry is the most important and critical step in life. Many people have spent their lives paying for this choice.
Losing love in marriage is not terrible, what is terrible is that you have buried your life in marriage.
So of all sorts of misfortunes, what kind of marriage is the most terrible? The three most terrible marriages!
1. Deformed conjugal relationship.
There is no amount of business between husband and wife, only one person has the right to speak, decide, take the initiative, economic rights and so on on on family affairs. There is no reciprocal, equal conjugal relationship, only one party imposes his own will and will on the other, and then always demands the other with impersonal and harsh standards.
The deformed relationship between husband and wife inevitably leads to the fact that one party always enjoys the part of married life strongly, and the other party always bears the part of labor and suffering.
Therefore, what is more terrible than not loving, than having no money, is that you can't find yourself in marriage, and your dignity is trampled and humiliated by the other party at will.
In such a marriage, counting, questioning, belittling, ridicule, denying, and hitting is the norm, no matter how you bend to meet, always take a hot face to paste a cold ass.
If you don't get a response to your efforts, if you don't cherish your sincerity, if your personality is not respected, you will naturally not be able to maintain a healthy cooperative relationship.
Over time, a party will always become more condescending and unscrupulous, which also means that he or she is very likely to lose moral, responsibility, and emotional constraints. Not only can you not get warmth, but you live in a heavy, depressed, and collapsed life and atmosphere every day.
In fact, this is also the result of forced demand, the other party will inevitably hold that attitude of coming to enjoy life, not to mention the value of common struggle, and the determination to bear a fate together.
2. Toxic family system.
Psychologist and author Susan Foward said:
"Toxic family systems are like a chain of rear-end collisions on the highway, and their bad effects are passed on from generation to generation. This system was not invented by your parents, but a gradually accumulated set of feelings, rules, communications, and ideas inherited from your ancestors. ”
The terrible thing about it is either being assimilated by this toxic family system or being forced into a neurosis by this toxic family system.
For example, a girl, her cuteness and sunshine, will soon be exhausted, and then forced into a grudge by the living environment, atmosphere, and conditions.
And the most toxic kind of family system is that the mother-in-law is strong and the husband is weak.
Or the in-laws do not know how to respect women at all, and only think that women are appendages of men and deserve all sacrifices and sacrifices. No love, no respect, and no human touch.
Love is a matter of two people, but marriage is not, and the parents of both parties are reasonable, tolerant and loving, which is more important than anything. Even more important than choosing a partner who loves you, after all, love is romantic and marriage is realistic. If there is just no money, there is still room for change, but there is a problem with the family system, I am afraid it will be a nightmare for a lifetime.
3, indifferent to the outrageous.
You must believe that the most cruel way to treat a lover is not to love and hate, not to cheat and betray, but to gradually fade after the ultimate love. The shadow of frustration is almost impossible to escape, comparable to mental abuse, and even psychological distortion and darkness.
Special and extreme indifference, no care, no need, no emotion, like falling into the ice cave of ten thousand years.
They don't care what happens to each other, and they can't argue until they exhaust all of each other's expectations and no longer have enthusiasm for life.
Family life is silent and desolate, making people want to escape so much, but they are always tied up by life. In this embarrassment to oneself, all the beliefs, confidences, and pillars will gradually collapse, even if life is free of food and clothing.
Therefore, in this world, the most cruel and terrible thing is the indifference between husband and wife, the torture that cannot be cathartic, and the pain that is very unpleasant. Because of the entanglement in life, I had to continue to live together, and I felt breathless every day.
Home, which should have been the warmest place, turned out to be the place where each other most wanted to escape, and only when they walked out of the house did they feel that their breathing was free.
Sometimes, it really feels like getting married wrongly is more scary than not getting married for the rest of your life. Although marriage has the nature of gambling, if the gamble is lost, marriage will really become a consumption and torture of oneself. If you think about it alone, at most a person's life is lonely.
Perhaps loneliness will corrupt people's character, but unsatisfactory marriage will strike more wildly and heavily on people's spirits. So get married or be cautious, some hurt is not inevitable, as long as you polish your eyes before marriage.
A large part of the problems encountered after marriage is that I am confused and only see the beauty of love, but do not judge the essence that really needs to be judged.
Just like when we look for a marriage partner, we always think about what kind of one we want to find, but we don't think about what kind of one we want to avoid. No matter how good people are in this world, they are more important than what you can enjoy and what you need to endure. There are two things, conditions and romance, don't let it blind when you are in love.
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