01
I have seen a sentence: whose old age is not a bloody storm.
No amount of money can change the natural law of life, old age, illness and death.
Many young people say: "There is an old family, such as a treasure." ”
That's when parents can still move around, can help their children with housework, and take care of their children. When parents can't walk, they know what a "burden" is.
In the family, the old man is rejected, not that the children are not filial piety. The bitterness in it is hard to put into words.
As an old man, you should take the initiative to do the following four things and learn to get along with your children.
02
First, pay attention to the family and psychological changes of children, create a good communication environment, and eliminate barriers.
Friend "auspicious and ruyi" left a message saying that his mother has a very bad personality, talking to his family, never having a good tone, and when he calls, the tone is blunt, and it seems to be sulking.
What is even more heinous is that she told all the ugly things in the family to outsiders, and when the outsiders comforted her a little, they were so happy that they were eager to live in other people's homes and take out their hearts and livers and show them to others.
She often said that how good the people outside are, and how many children of other people's families have to show up and take care of the family.
Every few days, the gossip of outsiders reached the ears of their children, mostly saying that how useless and unfilial their children were, so that their children had no place to be self-contained.
"Elbow out", such an old man, really annoying. When children grow up, how can they have no self-esteem?
Parents treat outsiders as relatives, invisibly offend their children, and make there is a language barrier between the two generations.
Smart old people, no matter what difficulties they encounter, in front of outsiders, they will definitely say that the people in their own family are good people. All emotions are digested at home.
Say more affirmations to your children, say more words of encouragement to your grandchildren, and boast about your own family every time you are. If the old man could do this, the contradiction in language would not exist.
Since ancient times, it is the "father's kindness and filial piety" that is emphasized, rather than the old man imposing the word "filial piety" on his children. Filial piety and love complement each other and are cold.
03
Second, keep a certain amount of money, don't be hollowed out by the children, this is the "back road" of last resort.
It is a natural thing for children to support their parents, but children often have such emotions: why are parents so selfish, relying on the old and selling the old, arbitrarily apportioning alimony, extreme dependence, making people breathless.
For example, parents have two sons and give most of their property to their eldest son, but on the issue of pension, "each plays fifty boards." The youngest son who did not get the property will definitely have resentment in his heart.
In addition, there are always some parents, who have hundreds of thousands of themselves, still cry bitterly, a little bit of illness, and want their children to pay money, otherwise they will "make a fuss" and publicize the "ironclad evidence" of their children's filial piety everywhere.
Parents who like to be contrived will inevitably be rejected by their children.
As the saying goes, "It's better to rely on whoever you are." ”
The old man should leave a certain amount of money, and do not reach out to his children until the last resort. Moreover, how much money you have on your body, what valuables you have at home, and give your children a bottom in advance.
When people are old, they must be honest and sincere, don't know how to stay behind, and don't favor anyone.
04
Third, learn to get along with your daughter-in-law and son-in-law, and you can't be "condescending" and treat them as outsiders.
I have seen a story: after a couple gets married, the wife often goes out at night, which arouses the suspicion of the husband.
One day, the husband quietly followed his wife to see what she was doing.
It turned out that the wife went to the door of the community and shared a "barbecue and other supper" with her in-laws.
The husband has always been against supper, but the wife can't help it and doesn't want to argue. After the in-laws learned of the situation, they fulfilled their daughter-in-law's wishes.
The secret of family harmony is "mutual pain".
When your parents are still healthy, don't "be an elder", but learn to be friends with your juniors. Usually accumulate more feelings, and when you are old, you will have a lot of "feeling cards".
Perhaps, it is difficult to treat your daughter-in-law and son-in-law as your own children, but if you don't try it, how do you know that it can't work?
No matter how tricky the daughter-in-law is, she can also be moved. It is just that it is necessary to find the "soft underbelly" of the daughter-in-law.
We must understand that a large part of the relationship between children and parents is the attitude of the daughter-in-law and the son-in-law. The power of the wind next to the pillow should not be underestimated.
05
Fourth, keep a proper distance and it's best not to live under one roof for long.
The most appropriate distance between families is "the distance of a bowl of soup".
That is to say, from the east home to a bowl of chicken soup, when the west home, it is still warm.
Because of the distance, there are fewer people in the family, and the contradiction of "more people talking and mixing" disappears.
In addition, psychological, emotional, point of view, help, suggestions, etc., should be appropriate. Parents should not meddle in their children's marital issues. If the children are wronged, do not blindly accuse "others" of not, but calmly analyze, analyze the root cause of the problem, and do not favor any party.
Fair and just words may not be understood by children for a while and a half, but over time, the facts will prove that they are "right."
Some people in the family have "nasty words", parents should not be overly calculating, and their memory should not be so good. If you had said it several years ago, you could repeat it, and it is estimated that this family would not be able to live a life.
Life is lively, but try to be as bland as possible.
06
As the saying goes, "Everything has a cause and effect." ”
Children's dislike of their parents is mostly what their parents have done before, leaving a curse.
When you are old, you should reflect more on yourself, although the past time can not be repeated, but you can grasp everything in the present and improve the family atmosphere.
A writer said: "The so-called parents and children are one, but it means that one generation sends away one generation, gradually drifting away, and it is sincere." ”
Each generation has its own difficulties and different opportunities. When parents are healthy, they tell their children to "go their separate ways"; when parents can't move, they consult with their children, don't be embarrassed, and when they say a lot, they will not be jealous, accuse, and pinch each other.
Here, I also call on young people to think differently and not to embarrass their parents. Amplify your own pattern, do not blame the past, filial piety is not so difficult.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.