The Spring Festival is approaching, and unmarried young people are urged to marry by their families?
Unmarried friends who are about to go home for the New Year, has the family arranged a blind date for you?
I want to hear the above two questions, irritable headache people, not a few.
However, the study shows that nearly 70% of the post-90s generation said that they "do not exclude blind dates".
The topic extends to the recent, and there is an outrageous hot search.
The story goes like this:
Due to the urging of his parents to get married, a young man in Hangzhou had to choose to participate in a blind date.
The girl, without prior notice, brought five family members to dinner, each with three dishes, and the ordering battle was quite large.
The guy was not happy, but he didn't say anything, calculated the account, and the payment was nearly two thousand.
The guy didn't want to be the wrongdoer, so he used the excuse of going to the toilet to escape the order.
Afterwards, the woman deleted the guy's WeChat and blocked it, and the guy posted on the Internet to complain about it.
As soon as the post was published, it caused a lot of controversy.
The side that supports the girl feels that this is a test for the girl to the man, but the boy is small and does not pass the test.
And it was just over a thousand dollars, not a lot, and in the face of temptation, the boy was too stingy.
The pro-boy side felt that this was the first time to eat, and the girl's move was inappropriate and excessive.
It's not just about money, it's about respecting each other until a relationship is established.
Boys obviously don't look down on women either.
In fact, I think that removing the blackmail from the girl's later behavior proves that her move is a kind of temptation.
But is this temptation really polite? not necessarily.
When the woman pays too much attention to the other party's economic strength and generosity in the blind date, she should be prepared to be rejected.
If the price is clearly marked, you need to accept the other party's pick-and-choose, and perhaps you will really meet the right "buyer" later.
But I would like to send a message to the girl who thinks of this kind of thing, which is the famous quote from Zweig's "The Severed Queen":
She was too young to know all the gifts of fate, and she had already secretly marked the price.
01
Blind date and love
Are the people who choose blind dates all compromise?
not necessarily.
Blind dates are just a tool, not necessarily demonizing it.
Instead, we can try to use discontent to promote the enrichment and change of blind date rules;
Affecting this tool makes it constantly updated and upgraded, becoming more and more suitable for a large "user community".
My friend Xiao Jia had been on blind dates 21 times before getting married.
Although her current husband did not meet on a blind date, he met in the process of socializing with a blind date.
Xiao Jia later laughed and said that she had been particularly reluctant to go on a blind date before, and she would feel very embarrassed.
At that time, she was bent on believing that only people who were at the end of the road and could not find a partner would choose blind dates.
Xiao Jia said that when she first began to accept blind dates, on the one hand, she was because she was groping in society, and she began to be lonely and lonely, and she wanted to find a companion to live with.
Coupled with the fact that there is no suitable partner around her, age and appearance anxiety ensues, she has no choice but to choose.
Choosing a blind date is equivalent to putting yourself on the market with a clear price tag, and behind it is also a cage of clear succession.
How can a blind date have the freshness and mystery of being in love and enjoying the process and the present?
Therefore, for a long time, Xiao Jia looked down on the many "blind date men" groups, and also looked down on the perfection and compromise of an urban white-collar worker.
But later, she eliminated a lot of strange things through blind dates, and also became social friends with some inappropriate blind dates.
She gradually began to enjoy the excessively honest social way on the table, gradually became a blind date "social master", and later met her current husband.
Indeed, instead of focusing on the difference between the two, it is better to look at the common goal of both.
In my opinion, blind date and love essentially need to look at the conditions to choose a mate.
And in today's fast-paced life, blind dates are already the safest, most efficient, and most economical way for girls to know a boy who matches themselves.
As for love, it is a work of art that is defined according to the adjustment of life.
So if you don't have the intention of falling in love or getting married, go on a blind date, just refuse.
But if you really reach the right age, don't have the right people around, and want to change your lifestyle, then accepting a blind date is also a good choice.
To borrow a phrase from Professor Liang Yong'an, it is that loving each other is loving each other's life, not loving each other's identity.
If you can really meet a life that fits and loves each other, does it matter whether the identity of the other party is a blind date?
Don't face life with stereotypes and prejudices, material conditions do not mean abundance.
Blindly chasing specific purposes will ignore casual joy.
02
The rules of the blind date market need to be updated
Before the Shanghai People's Park blind date corner, which was hotly discussed on the Internet, many people often went there.
As soon as you enter the door, you will find the marriage broker walking through it, and all kinds of information are spread on the ground.
A dense piece of paper represents a person.
Young people themselves do not go to war, almost all parents are busy.
Casually look at fudan master's, inner ring garage, annual salary of 400,000 ...
The whole process is like picking vegetables in a wet market.
All the conversation is full of suffocation and depreciation.
Appearance and personality will become a plus or minus point for uncles and aunts.
Age, wealth, and household registration are all related to color, and a non-conforming item must be screened out.
I remembered that in the TV series "Love is Delicious", Liu Jing, Fang Xin, and Xia Meng's girlfriend went to participate in a blind date together.
Liu Jing, who was polite and social, was ignored, Xia Meng, who had a successful career, did not take the initiative, and Fang Xin, who was beautiful and well-behaved and polite, was madly hooked up.
Another black long straight girl who surpassed Fang Xin and gained more favor introduced herself: "Twenty-four years old, I want to have a second child before the age of thirty." ”
Men flock around to deliver flowers.
Men who are beautiful, young, and want to have children, and the marriage market are easily attracted to these.
This is also one of the reasons why the often complained about blind date market is more "human high-quality men".
Professor Liang Yong'an once said that in the past, women followed men, and her relationship with the world was separated by a man.
Women are prized and rewarded to the most capable men of high status.
Later, the prize returned to the woman herself, and after that, the woman became stronger and stronger, and she could face the world directly.
It's getting harder and harder to fall in love now, mainly because men don't fit in with such women.
The dating market has set up many rules and regulations, but they are all single stereotyped standards.
At present, it has too many unreasonable places, and it is urgent to update the generation, update more rich and diversified, and more adapt to the rules of the modern concept of marriage and love between men and women.
However, I am optimistic about the changes in the blind date market.
For example, in the past, it was the type of Chinese blind date that was popular in the past, such as "Blind Date Will Win" and "Non-sincere Do Not Disturb".
It's like a hammer deal on the table, satisfied with the deal, dissatisfied to continue to find the next home.
However, last year, the love roundup "90 Marriage Agency" hosted by Meng Fei was well received and was a new attempt under the new situation.
03
There is a disconnect between the two generations of ideas in the blind date market
My friend Xiao Jia once complained to me, she said that she did not reject blind dates later, is not to know more friends.
But she went on a blind date with the mood of free love, but faced with the other party's clear price as a family unit.
When the blind date is hanging people's appetite, do not say, back home, but also by the parents to ask the progress.
To listen intermittently to their indoctrination brainwashing, which blind date is good, we must look at it everywhere.
It's exactly like the words of the Huang Sect Leader before: I don't want you to feel, I want you to feel.
Xiao Jia said: "I used to think about blind dates, I considered whether it was appropriate or not.
In fact, parents are always wishful thinking, and they feel that it is appropriate. ”
Fortunately, Xiao Jia later adjusted her mentality and met her current husband.
Wu Zhihong once mentioned that a friend of his chose to obey when his parents were seriously ill and forced to marry.
Married a suitable girl and later had children.
But he was depressed all the time, feeling that he had ruined his life with his own hands, and also ruined the life of a kind girl.
If his parents, who could later feel their son's pain, would they regret the "bitter meat plan" of that year?
Whether it will be or not, I hope that everyone can decide their own lives.
Your life, you decide.
In a book called "Future Sex," scientist Robin Baker envisions the emotional patterns of the future of humanity:
Man will henceforth enter the stage of affluence in emotional poverty, sexuality and fertility can be commodified, and emotions can be commercialized.
I hope that when the tragicomedy of blind dates is still controllable, we will not try to get married for the sake of getting married.
Don't overestimate our tolerance for loveless marriages.
I also hope that parents and children will try to think more from each other's point of view.
Young people should be considerate and understand the emotional sustenance of their parents, the physiological dilemmas and emotional anxieties of people to dusk.
Parents should also relax their standards and respect and give young people sufficient autonomy.
Marriage and children have never been a superficial purpose, and people's deep-seated needs for marriage are stability and happiness.
Only when families are united can they unite in the search for happiness.
The author | Wang Jing is a novel creator and an addict to classical literature. Dabbled in Chinese and foreign philosophies, believing but not superstitious. He likes to delve into individual psychology, firmly believes that individuals are active and creative, and there are three or more solutions to everything.