Wedding is a romantic vision in the hearts of many girls.
Putting on a white wedding dress and walking into the palace of marriage with your lover is not only a ritual, but also a public commitment to love.
The woman Xiaoli had planned a well-planned wedding, but was stopped by her mother-in-law's words: "Don't do it, consider the feelings of the eldest granddaughter." ”
This wedding abruptly stopped, becoming a regret in her heart, learning the truth of the matter, the observer teacher thought it was Xiaoli's problem: Since you choose to intervene in someone else's marriage, you should take into account the later results, love is two people, but marriage is two families.
01. Interfere in someone else's marriage, and cannot be recognized after marriage
Xiaoli and Mr. Ding met at work, and Mr. Ding looked good and was very funny.
The relationship between the two quickly warmed up, and Xiaoli also knew the true identity of the other party, and he had a home.
It is reasonable to say that Xiaoli should quickly stay away, a man can betray the family, and one day will betray you, your feelings are based on hormones, and have nothing to do with true love.
But Xiaoli has fallen in love with each other, thinking that Mr. Ding is really feelings for him, and under her quarrel, Mr. Ding divorced and let Xiaoli get her wish.
Xiaoli wanted to hold a grand wedding to prove her excellence and let everyone recognize her existence, but a word from her mother-in-law made Mr. Ding change his decision and cancel the wedding.
What makes Xiaoli even more uncomfortable is that as long as the ex-wife calls, Mr. Ding will run over, late one night, the daughter has a fever, Mr. Ding went for two days, she did not answer the phone.
Later, Mr. Ding explained that he did not want his daughter to misunderstand, his daughter was his baby, he could not stand his daughter crying, which made Xiaoli difficult to accept, since he had himself, why did he refuse to give up on the other party?
In order to save Mr. Ding's heart, Xiaoli soon became pregnant and also gave birth to a daughter, but she found that in her husband's heart, she still cared about the eldest daughter, as long as the eldest daughter had a phone call, whether it was day or night, her husband would immediately drive forward.
What makes it even more difficult for her to accept is that the mother-in-law often calls the name of the former daughter-in-law to her, although the husband explains that the mother is old and will also call out her own name, but Xiaoli believes that the mother-in-law is deliberate and does not want to accept herself.
She thought that she loved her husband wholeheartedly, but her husband was half-hearted about herself, and her in-laws did not respect herself, she felt very uncomfortable, she did not understand, she wanted a pure love, why is it so difficult?
02. A woman's grievances are self-inflicted
After reading Xiaoli's encounter, some netizens left messages and complained about others.
"From the time you decide to get involved in someone else's marriage, you should take into account that there will be this result, if there is no entanglement with you, their husband and wife will not divorce even if they quarrel, they will maintain the marriage for the sake of the children, it is you who single-handedly broke up other people's families, and you want pure love, ridiculous!" 」
Yes, Xiao li's grievances are actually predictable, and her choice of this path means that she needs to accept reality.
First, the husband has a daughter.
This is a reality that cannot be changed, and for Xiaoli, this child is an obstacle to the relationship between husband and wife.
But for Mr. Ding, he has an unshirkable responsibility for his daughter, and because of the changes in family relations, he cannot continue to accompany his daughter, and some guilt will arise in his heart.
Young and young, as well as the young of people, Xiaoli became a mother, she longed for her children to be loved, but also needed to have empathy to care for Mr. Ding's eldest daughter.
Second, emotions lack the basis of trust.
Before Xiaoli was with Mr. Ding, she was a single girl, and for this reason, her heart was full of a sense of crisis.
As long as the husband goes out to socialize, she will worry that the other party will make a mistake, and once when the husband went to drink, she called and asked for the mobile phone to turn on the speakerphone, and then immediately went home.
The man asked for face at the wine table, Mr. Ding did not go back, or a cup of drinking, the phone called for 2 hours without electricity, Xiao Li was worried about his safety, let the little uncle go to pick up, the little uncle was actually in contact with the big brother, but has not been able to call, he was very angry, directly to Xiao Li said: "Are you bothered? Fuck off! ”
Maybe the little uncle has the anxiety of not being able to contact the big brother, but Xiao Li feels aggrieved, is it wrong for her to care about her husband?
The next day, she dragged her husband home and asked her uncle to apologize to herself, but she was unhappy with herself.
Xiao Li and her husband were angry: "Your family will not accept me!" ”
But is this the truth? Her own sense of crisis is the root of the matter, she does not trust Mr. Ding, and thus longs for the other party to accept her, but because the behavior is too urgent, people are not accustomed to it.
If she could be calmer, I believe it would be a different outcome.
03. No matter how good the feelings, we must also keep the boundaries
In life, because of emotional problems, family conflicts are not unique.
Through the matter of Mr. Ding and Xiao Li, it also explains two problems.
First, men are eager to find a confidant, encounter an explanation flower outside, think it will be much better than the original match, and when they really get together, they will find that there will not necessarily be an original match, but they will bring more pressure to themselves.
Second, women listen to men' words, think that they are different, and even go against morality, and when the two are really together, how men treat their ex-wives, how they will treat you, what you think of romance, just fantasy.
In order to achieve emotional stability, you need to do the following three things.
1. Distinguish the difference between love and marriage.
Love is a matter for two people, and marriage is a relationship between two families.
When you are in love, you can only consider your own feelings, but after starting a family, you need to consider the needs of your elders and your own responsibilities.
Especially in the reorganization of the family, you have new feelings, the upbringing of the child can not be escaped, since you accept the other party, you need to take care of the child together.
If you only want men to take care of themselves and not give back to the family, it is easy to create new friction because of selfishness, because everyone has a different perspective and considers the same problems.
2. Always introspect and be more tolerant.
Contact with elders requires us to be more tolerant.
Some parents are old, have a bad memory, and shout the wrong name at you, if you can understand each other, there will be no problem, if you have to be angry, it is to add to your own blockage.
Imagine that a mother wants her son to be well, how could she deliberately embarrass her son? The reason why she has always remembered the name of her former daughter-in-law shows that the two have feelings, and the former daughter-in-law is good to her, which is a fact that cannot be changed.
Xiaoli has opinions about her mother-in-law, reflecting her inner inferiority, but if she wants her mother-in-law to accept herself, she must also give her mother-in-law a process of change.
Instead of complaining, reflect on what you have done for your mother-in-law.
3. Accept the imperfections of life.
No one's life is perfect and there will be shortcomings of one kind or another.
What we need to do is accept reality and use our abilities to make life better.
In the eyes of outsiders, Xiaoli has always complained that Mr. Ding is not good enough for herself, in fact, she is too dependent, she does not have the courage to stand on her own, she pins her happiness too much on her husband, and because the means she gets are not so bright and upright, she has been worried about losing.
If she doesn't change herself, it's only a matter of time before she loses.
If you want to change the predicament, you must reflect on yourself, sincerely get along with the people around you, and gain everyone's trust, so that the family can be stable for a long time.
Looks are gone, charm is eternal, women expect to use beauty to win happiness is a dream, the real factor that makes life better, is their own continuous growth.
Give it a thumbs up and go! Do you think people who step into each other's families will be happy?