This is Murphy's Nth original
Hi everyone, I'm Murphy.
Approaching the New Year's Pass, it is time to return to the hometown for the New Year, and the Spring Festival train tickets have been on the hot search for a while. Two days ago, my friend said that he didn't want to go back and would be urged to marry.
I also received a lot of questions from Zhihu and headlines, is it selfish not to get married?
That being the case, let's talk about it today.
First of all, is it not selfish to ask the question of not getting married, and I suspect that the questioner of this question is likely to be a person living in a first-tier city such as Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, etc., and it is likely to be a woman, why? Let's explain step by step.
First of all why say this question is wrong, because not marrying and selfishness should not be linked. Marriage is your own business, not someone else's business, it is you who find a companion for yourself on the road of life later, and spend the rest of your life with you through the storms, not for your parents, not for your neighbors, not for your friends, so where is the selfishness?
This question is like saying I don't want to eat today, am I a little selfish? Very contradictory question.
Secondly, I will explain why it is very likely that people live in first-tier cities such as Beijing, Shanghai, Guangzhou, etc. Because there are many single sticks in first-tier cities, it is as simple as that. Why? Because men can't get women's hearts without a room, and women can't get the approval of men who have a house, everyone is frozen. From the perspective of the market environment, both men and women are oversupplied, but they are not traded.
Tell me again why it's most likely to be a woman. First of all, because the number of leftover women in first-tier cities far exceeds that of leftover men, why? Because some of the leftover men found that they really could not buy a house here and their parents were older, relatives and friends persuaded them to return to the third- and fourth-tier cities like a tide; and women were different, because women did not have these so-called houses and other material pressures, so they still insisted on staying in the big cities to see the lights of thousands of homes, waiting for the Return of the Iraqis, so take Shanghai as an example, there are statistics that the number of leftover women in Shanghai has exceeded 900,000.
Image source network, invasion and deletion
Also, no matter how logically unreasonable this question is, just look at this question, why at this time there are many people who ask whether it is very selfish not to get married. Because I am going home for the New Year, when I go home, my family will start urging.
This also causes many people to feel that they are marrying their parents, so they derive this logical confusion question, so is it true that they are marrying their parents? Definitely not.
If you turn your parents into bystanders, then whether you marry or not has nothing to do with them, they just look at you indifferently, just like netizens just laugh at you after seeing you left, including your seven aunts and eight aunts are laughing at you, only your parents are concerned about you.
They urge you because they know what your future path is, this is the road that two old people who have walked through half a life can see at a glance, they use their own experience and experience to teach you how to live, even if doing so may make you complain, let your children and themselves be alienated from themselves and do not want to go home, they still have to urge, this is really because of love, from the heart of love, they are afraid that after you leave you alone in this complex society, alone, lonely and old.
Some people say, "It's good not to get married, I can support myself, why should I get married to sacrifice my beauty and freedom, let myself become a woman and endure all kinds of contradictions in the family" and so on, I believe many people know this reason that has been widely circulated.
I would like to say that marriage is not about finding someone to support oneself, and this question is again a logically wrong question, as if you should only get married in order to find someone to support yourself when you can't support yourself, and you were wrong from the beginning. Marriage is when two people help each other live together. It's not one person raising another. What beauty freedom, I will not explain this, the person who can say this... My brain hurts.
Some people say that "marriage faces domestic violence, and even life threats."
I don't deny the existence of some bad people, but how many of these ordinary families constitute what you call domestic violence? Social development up to now, this kind of thing will only be less and less, as for the real bad guys and marriage has nothing to do, not long ago a girl in Shanghai did not do anything at home, strangers specially ran in to kill people and corpses in the suitcase calmly pulled out of the community.
In the past, when I opened the radio, my favorite sentence to say to everyone was: "Don't meet a scum at a young age and think how vicissitudes you have been, and don't maliciously speculate about the world and all the people you meet."
Others say, "I just like to live alone, loneliness is not terrible at all."
Child, you have not experienced loneliness at all, you think that one night you find that everyone around you is in pairs, you feel a little sad when you are alone, this is not loneliness, this is loss.
One day you got sick and had surgery, and you lay in the hospital for four or five days, except that the nurse came to see if you were still breathing every day, during which no acquaintance came to bring you food, which is not lonely, this is helpless.
One night, you watch an idol drama and are sweetened by the hero, and you suddenly want someone who can hug you at that time, which is still not loneliness, this is loneliness.
Once you go to the bar to jump, drunk, a person staggering back, only a single shadow, this is not loneliness, this is loneliness + depravity.
Real loneliness few people have experienced, at least not now. All your current willful arrogance and arrogance in rejecting your parents' urging to marry stems from the fact that your parents are still alive.
No matter where you are, you know that there is always a place where the lights stay for you, and you have a place to go. You can cry and make trouble in front of them, how wronged you are and have a home to support you. The word home has always appeared in your life, you have never seriously thought about your parents leaving you, or how you live after leaving, you feel that you have a job, you can make money, you don't have to worry about eating and drinking, just a little sad about the departure of your parents.
But your parents have thought that they can imagine that they have left this world, and you will never be home again, because you have no home, you are really free, you are no longer willing to care about you, no one asks you to be warm, no one spends dusk with you.
You can't even find a trace of you surviving in this world, you don't even have a single DNA left in this world, and when you leave, no one in this world remembers you, as if there was never this person. Parents are the roots of your life, a towering tree has no roots, and in the end it is just a rotten wood.
It is precisely because your parents see these problems that they constantly urge you to get married, but you selfishly think that you are marrying them, so you ask this childish and ridiculous question: "Is it selfish not to marry?" ”
So it's not selfish not to get married, but it's really selfish to ask that question.
Written at the end: In fact, there are no 100,000 words on this topic that really can't be written, because this problem has really developed into a pathological reality, and it is really limited in space to end hastily, and this article mainly talks about the problem of leftover women, ignoring most of the women who pay attention to me, and will not disappoint you, and then I have time to publish an article about leftover men;
Finally, there is no meaning of discrimination against women, there are problems with things that are not right, leftover men and women, of course, if there are opinions on the content of the article, welcome to leave a message to criticize and correct, as long as what you say is reasonable, I am willing to correct.
I'm Murphy, I'm in Yinchuan, I wish you a good night!