Emotions are a unique proof that everyone is born, everyone has different emotions, but everyone's stories are the same, hello! Hello, I am Yu'er, pay attention to my words, into your heart!
There is a hot comment on netease cloud:
"Where there are so many two-way love, how many people are just old, it is time to start a family, so it is a hit, with a pleasing person, quarrels and fights with children, a lifetime is like this." 」
Wilde also said:
"Many people will never meet the true love of their dreams in their lifetime, and will only choose to find someone and raise each other because they are afraid of dying alone."
Marriage in reality, more or less.
There is a saying on the Internet that says:
"Women marry because of one person; men choose one person because they are married."
In the face of marriage, men are much more rational than women, especially men who have reached a certain age.
For the sake of future marriage, he will rationally calculate how much economic value, emotional value, reproductive value, and so on can the other party bring to himself. Feelings become secondary.
In terms of mate selection, men pursue the principle of "as long as the conditions are suitable and the eyes are pleasing to the eye, who can do it."
Women are more focused on feelings, and they think marriage should be a "you have to" feeling. For them, it will be more difficult to be in a marriage without feelings than to wait alone.
01. Have a house and a car, with an annual salary of 150,000
His friend Fang Yuan (pseudonym) also encountered a girl who paid attention to feelings not long ago, and he almost entered the marriage hall with the girl.
However, before the wedding, the girl "did not talk about martial arts" dumped him, leaving him with a mess and a profound lesson.
Fang Yuan is an older leftover man after 80, and real life has made him a rational person.
He knew a long time ago that instead of putting precious time and energy into the pursuit of love, he should spend that time and energy on developing his career.
When one day the career is successful, everything will be there. This is also a major reason why he is unmarried at an older age.
What he did not expect was that he struggled for 10 years, with an annual salary of 150,000 yuan, a house and a car, but he still could not escape the fate of being dumped.
Girlfriend Qin Lan (pseudonym) is an only child in the city, she works in the system, the treatment is good, although the family is not rich and noble, but the parents have a wide network in the local area.
Qin Lan's age is already in her early 30s, and she is not within the scope of Fang Yuan's choice of mate, but after Fang Yuan and her met, she was still quickly locked in as a goal to pursue.
Because qin lan's conditions in all aspects are not only very suitable for being a wife, but also will play a great help to his future development.
02. Dumped before the wedding
Under his diligent pursuit, Qin Lan finally nodded.
His wedding to Qin Lan was originally scheduled for May Day. The two people's banquets were engaged, the wedding was invited, and the wedding photos were taken several times. However, before the wedding, Qin Lan suddenly proposed to cancel the wedding.
Qin Lan's reason was that she thought that Fang Yuan was only marrying for the sake of getting married, and she couldn't feel Fang Yuan's love. So, she didn't marry.
Fang Yuan was about to collapse, recently busy with work, and busy preparing for the wedding, it is true that Qin Lan is not as attentive as before, but the two have reached this point, and canceling the wedding at will is an irresponsible behavior.
However, no matter how kindly Fang Yuan persuaded and tried her best to save it, Qin Lan always refused to change her mind, and even in order to end this matter as soon as possible, she was willing to bear the economic losses caused by the preparation of the wedding.
Fang Yuan was a rational person, but no matter how rationally he analyzed it, he still couldn't guess Qin Lan's intentions.
Half a month has passed since this incident, and when he talked to me, he still had a hard time.
Wang Yangming once said: "If you learn to oppose yourself, if you blame others in vain, you will only see that people are not, and you will not see yourself." ”
The meaning of this sentence is that people should learn to reflexively reflect on themselves. If you only blame others, you can only see the mistakes of others, but you can't see your own shortcomings.
Fang Yuan is an excellent person, but from the perspective of marriage and love, he has many shortcomings.
Like Zhang Anren, the "phoenix man" in the TV series "Flowing Golden Years", he is a person from a small place and has a foothold in the city through hard reading through the cold window.
He had worked hard to buy a house and a car in the city, but for Qin Lan, everything he had worked so hard to get was just her starting point.
Just like Jiang Nansun's father said to Zhang Anren: "Your house is on the outskirts of Shanghai, for me, it is still far away." ”
Fang Yuan's house is also on the outskirts of the city, farther from the city and farther away from Qin Lan's work unit. Although both of them have a car, they still have to spend a lot of time on the road every day.
It's a headache to run around like this for a long time.
The house in the urban area, Fang Yuan can not afford to buy at present, in desperation, Fang Yuan came up with a stopgap measure, temporarily rent a house in the city after marriage.
03. The emotional intelligence is not high, and the wedding is canceled
Fang Yuan also has a place that worries Qin Lan, his brothers and sisters are 4, his parents are farming in their hometown, there is no pension, and the burden in the future is relatively heavy.
In order to reassure Qin Lan's family, Fang Yuan promised at that time that after marriage, Qin Lan would take charge of the family's financial power and give him 3,000 pocket money every month.
Although Fang Yuan has a house and a car, with an annual salary of 150,000 yuan, his shortcomings in the economy are still obvious.
However, these are not the most critical. The reason why Qin Lan canceled the wedding was because she did not feel love.
This has to mention another shortcoming of Fang Yuan, the emotional intelligence is not high enough.
We all know that emotional intelligence in love needs to rely on continuous accumulation of experience.
Fang Yuan is limited by his own growth environment, his vision is narrow, and the pattern is small. Coupled with the fact that he spent all his time on his career and lacked love experience, emotional intelligence was a major disadvantage for him.
In the relationship, Qin Lan often forwards some "love chicken soup" and some small videos of romantic bridges to him, so that he can learn how to make girls happy.
Fang Yuan felt that these things had no value at all, and it was not something they should do at their age. He didn't take it to heart.
Zhang Ailing said: "For most women, the meaning of love is to be loved. ”
Fang Yuan was in his feelings, and he only knew how to blindly please and endure, which did not make Qin Lan feel happy, let alone feel loved.
In a chat before canceling the marriage contract, Qin Lan complained: "If you really love me, why don't you change in the direction I want?" ”
Qin Lan finally said: "I know, I am not a person who makes your heart move, I am just a person who you weigh and analyze the pros and cons and feel suitable for marriage." ”
Fang Yuan did not react for a while, and replied: "You are indeed a suitable marriage partner, the heartbeat is temporary, the marriage is a lifetime, the most important thing in marriage is responsibility, not the heartbeat." ”
After this chat, Qin Lan proposed to cancel the wedding.
The lesson of the older leftover men after 04.80
Fang Yuan was very unwilling, he thought that Qin Lan was too pretentious, so he canceled the wedding, and besides that, he couldn't think of any other reason.
I remember that in "Beijing Meets Seattle", there is a line:
"Even though he wouldn't take me on a yacht and eat French food, he was willing to cross 3 streets every morning and buy me my favorite soy milk fritters."
If you can't take her on a yacht, eat French food, and give her material abundance, then you must at least make her feel the sense of security of being loved and cared for.
I said to the other party that you can neither satisfy the other party financially, nor can you satisfy her fantasies in love, and she dumped you with forgiveness.
Fang Yuan still couldn't let go, sighing: "Although she makes me very embarrassed now, it is better than leaving me after marriage, just as a lesson, I really can't understand a woman's mind." ”
Well, today is here, I hope that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Yu'er, please pay attention to me, give the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~