Emotions are a testament to being born unique, everyone has different emotions, but everyone's story is the same, hello! Hello, I am Lele, pay attention to my words, into your heart!
The ancient Roman writer Seneca once said:
Many people will never meet the true love of their dreams in their lifetime, and will only choose to find someone and raise each other because they are afraid of dying alone.
For some people, the older they are, the more they will look down on their feelings, and the easier it is to choose.
Especially men.
Compared with the lonely old age, men are more willing to choose to find a woman and raise each other, even if he does not have too deep feelings for this woman.
In Eason Chan's song "Yes But Ask for Love", there is a lyric:
If love is but seek peace of mind, I am afraid that I am afraid of seeking its stability... Love seven colors and five tastes are more complicated, more dust, falling into the five aggregates.
Men are relatively rational in the face of marriage, and they know that the love of the world, no matter how strong, will fade and disappear. Compared with the seven colors and five tastes of life, love is not worth mentioning.
Whether they love or not, everyone ends up the same, falling into the five aggregates, the same world.
As the saying goes, one year old and one year old heart.
When a man reaches a certain age, his emotional needs are far less intense than those of women. What he pursues is a lifetime of stability, and as for who it is, to spend the rest of his life with him, it is actually not so important.
In the absence of a better option, men don't mind being there.
01. Even if men have 34.9 million more than women, they can't choose to settle
Friend Yang Ming (pseudonym) on the eve of May Day, just ended the marriage.
Remembering the past, he regretted that he was not in the beginning. He said that even if men have 34.9 million more than women, they can't choose to be too expensive because they are worried about not finding a wife.
Yang Ming was once an older leftover man, and he was married at the age of 33.
His ex-wife, Tang Qian (pseudonym), was two years older than him, and the two had known each other for less than half a year, so they hurried into the marriage hall; after 379 days of marriage, it ended hastily.
Yang Ming worked in the field until he was 28 years old. At the urging of his parents, he returned to his hometown and opened a small company. In two years, I lost all my savings.
His family is average, his career is failed, and his looks are not satisfactory, so he can't find a girlfriend for a long time.
At the age of 32, Yang Ming met Tang Qian through the introduction of a matchmaker. Tang Qian is quite young in appearance, looks quite smart, and has a good job. She works for a private company and manages twenty or thirty employees.
In fact, Yang Ming was not very satisfied with Tang Qian at that time.
Because when the two get along, they are somewhat incompatible, he can vaguely feel that there are many shortcomings hidden in the other party.
However, when he is older and single, he carries too much pressure, so that he can't think too much, he feels that as long as the conditions are right, the other party's character is not a big problem, and he can get married.
After marriage, he found that behind Tang Qian's glamorous life, there was too much unbearable. As Zhang Ailing said, life is a gorgeous robe, crawling with lice.
02. After getting married, I found that I did not have the same three views on each other
Tang Qian is a "delicate poor" woman, her credit card, shopping website, owe a lot of money, plus friends around her, she owes a total of more than 80,000.
Yang Ming took out his only savings and gave them to her to help her pay off these debts.
Yang Ming did not understand her behavior, why should she keep buying and buying, buying all kinds of clothes and bags and shoes, and spending money on these meaningless things.
The same is true of her after marriage, still spending a lot of money, no concept of savings, eating all the money, picking the most expensive things to buy, just to satisfy that little bit of vanity.
Yang Ming had also talked to her openly and honestly twice, but he could not shake her values at all.
Tang Qian's handling of people also made him very worried. She often quarreled with her parents, and was even more like a passer-by with her sister-in-law, who, according to her own words, had not spoken to her sister-in-law for more than a year.
She is also not at all affectionate with her employees, often yelling at them on the phone.
Once when she returned to her mother's house, her mother had told her that she would make her favorite sauerkraut fish, but due to the sudden heavy rain, her mother did not go to the market, and the sauerkraut fish was not made.
In her 30s, she was not reconciled and quarreled with her mother at home. Her brother couldn't look down and called Yang Ming and asked Yang Ming to come forward before picking her up.
03. Married for 379 days, the 33-year-old leftover man regretted not being the beginning
What made Yang Ming most angry was that Tang Qian would habitually lie.
Tang Qian had been in front of him before, creating a persona who "delayed feelings because of the pursuit of career", and she told Yang Ming that she had only had one emotional experience.
Everyone has their own past, and as a grown man, Yang Ming understands this very well.
However, only half a year after marriage, Yang Ming heard from various channels that Tang Qian had no less than three "black histories", one of which was when she intervened in other people's marriages.
After Yang Ming listened, his heart was a little uncomfortable, but he kept it in his heart and did not mention it once.
He very much wanted to run the marriage well, but Tang Qian's behavior in normal times made him very insecure. Tang Qian's mobile phone does not leave his hand every day, there are many people chatting, and sometimes there are messages in the middle of the night.
In the 379 days from marriage to divorce, Yang Ming felt that there were pits everywhere, not to mention common achievements, but everywhere he pulled across, he did not feel a little warmth of home.
The last time he talked openly and honestly with Tang Qian, Tang Qian proposed to end the marriage, and said that the reason why he married him was because the pressure of his parents to urge marriage was too great and he had no choice.
Tang Qian also said that he was older, and it just so happened that he had a house, and in order to escape the pressure, he chose to get married.
Yang Ming was completely injured, so he left.
After the marriage, Yang Ming fell ill, during which he heard more relatives and friends' evaluations of Tang Qian, as well as some of Tang Qian's previous deeds.
He regretted that he had not done it in the first place, and hated that he had been too hasty to marry her at that time.
04. Feelings cannot be reconciled, and there is no distinction between men and women
In fact, Yang Ming has been going out to the south and north, he also started a business, his life experience is still quite rich, and when he gets along with Tang Qian, he can detect her abnormality.
It's just that the time the two have been together is too short, and he can't find a basis for a while to prove that she has a problem.
Coupled with the fact that at that time, he felt that he was older, and it was an environment of more men and fewer women, and he was worried that he would not have to choose if he did not choose.
Now, he pays the price for his sloppiness.
Now he understands that feelings cannot be reconciled, and this does not distinguish between men and women. Don't choose because you are older and stressed, so that you will only fall into another predicament.
In fact, not only can feelings not be settled, but the three views cannot be fulfilled.
Because, the three views determine the attitude of life, and the attitude of life determines whether two people can live together.
Yang Ming and Tang Qian's three views are obviously different, which is also one of the main reasons for the failure of their marriage.
Qiong Yao once said: A failed marriage is a tragedy; ending a tragedy is equivalent to starting a comedy.
In life, it is inevitable that there will be failures, and the failure of marriage is not terrible, what is terrible is to lose direction.
Smart people will learn from their failures, establish their own direction, and let past experiences become an asset.
One day, happiness will come.
Well, today is here, LeLe hopes that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Lele please pay attention to me, to the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~