Author/Child
Not all homes are havens, not all affection, are warm, just as not all parents are qualified enough.
After all, parenthood never requires any test.
Two days ago on the Internet, I saw a girl complaining about her parents, saying that she had blacked out her parents, and a netizen was criticizing her, saying that her parents gave birth to her and raised her, no matter what her parents did, as a child, they should choose to forgive. In fact, what I want to say is that without the suffering of others, do not persuade others to be kind, and persuade a person to be generous, which is the simplest thing, anyway, suffering and pain are not borne by themselves. Sometimes, it really seems that there is some standing and talking without waist pain.
If a person grows up in a warm and loving family, and his parents give him the best love and tolerance, such a child will never understand those children who are mainly hurt by their parents with the original family, and what kind of perseverance will be used to fight against the various heartaches of childhood when they grow up.
Lucky people use childhood to heal their whole lives, but there is also a kind of person who may need to spend a lifetime to heal their childhood.
In my life, I know a girl whose relationship with her parents has always been bad, especially her mother. Now she works and lives alone in a strange city, rarely goes back, does not miss home much, and even many times, she actually does not want to go back for the New Year, rather than go home, she would rather stay in the small house she rents.
Because that place belonged to her alone, she didn't have to listen to anyone's nagging, she could do whatever she wanted. It was only after leaving home and being alone that she truly felt free and happy.
All her unforgiveness for her mother lies in her mother's unspeakable words.
A good word is warm in three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June. Sometimes, a heartfelt word, especially when it comes from a population that you care about, brings really great lethality. Those who say it may not remember it at all, but those who listen to it may be a lifetime of wounds in their hearts.
She is now 26 years old, grown up, and comes out to work alone, but she once had a dream and dreamed of her mother cursing herself, and the whole person still cried out in the dream, and when she woke up, the tears wet the pillowcase. She said it was the first time in her life that she had woken up crying. From this, we can see what kind of seeds her mother's words have planted in her heart.
Her parents are a bit patriarchal, no matter what, the treatment of the younger brother in the family is always better, that kind of eccentricity is more clear, in fact, she does not care about this, because she also treats her brother very well, and the younger brother also loves her sister.
Her parents' preference for her brother, she never had any jealousy.
What she could never let go of was that in her growing up years, her mother turned all kinds of dissatisfaction from life and marriage into violent emotions, and all vented them on her.
She said that when she was a child, people around her praised her for being obedient and sensible, but her mother would scold her for all kinds of small things and would never praise her for a word. A grandmother next door to her had said her mother before, saying that any mother who scolded her daughter like this should not. Her mother didn't speak at the time, just didn't change.
When she was young, whenever she felt that her mother was wronging her, she would bring it up and say that her mother was wrong, but her mother never cared what she said, as long as she spoke, basically as if she was talking back.
Even many times, it is clear that she has a reason.
All in all, no matter whose reason it is, the final result is mostly that she was scolded and cried by her mother, and even had deep doubts about herself, and she thought countless times: Am I born to my mother?
Because when her mother's temper came up, she often told her to die.
When she was in junior high school, she quarreled with her mother, in fact, it was originally a very small thing, she and her classmates jumped rope, after eating, they did not go back, and after her mother came to her, she scolded her in front of her four classmates. She felt that she was very faceless, so she replied twice, and her mother scolded even harder. At the end, her mother pointed to a river not far away and said, "The big river has no lid, if you want to die, go." ”
She grew up later, and when she talked about it, the whole person almost cried, which was also the most profound thing she remembered, because that time, she said: "I cried and finished eating, and a person really went to the river to stand for a long time, thinking that if I jumped like this, would she cry, would she regret saying such a thing?" Will you regret it for the rest of your life? ”
Of course, she didn't do it in the end, and reason let her go back.
Her mother seemed to have forgotten these things later, or that she didn't realize that there was anything wrong with her, so now her mother often said that she was not filial, that they raised her so big, and as a result, she did not even want to go home now. She didn't want to explain anything, she and her mother couldn't communicate. If she said it, she thought that her mother would not reflect on herself, but would blame her for remembering revenge, just a few words, would she have to remember it for a lifetime?
Her current mentality is: Mom, I can't love you, I don't dare to hate you, I only hope that I won't see you again in the next life, and we won't be mother and daughter.
She could not love because of the things of her childhood, the words of her mother, the tears she had quietly shed countless times, and in the long years, a deep chasm had long been formed in her heart, and she should not be able to cross it in her life. These were wounds in her heart, and she herself could not let them heal completely. She envied children who could talk to their mothers, because she couldn't do that, and she never told her parents or wanted to tell them about something. For her mother, she always had a knot in her heart.
And dare not hate, because the parents treat her with her fertility, yes, it does exist, they did not let her starve and freeze, but also let her study, many times still care about her, these she understands, but also grateful, so every New Year's Holiday will also give her parents money back.
Two contradictory emotions, always entangled in her heart, eventually turned into a sense of powerlessness, she can only try to escape, do not think about those, but more relaxed.
This kind of bondage is not like other feelings, and no matter what kind of grievances most people have suffered in it, there are very few people who can truly break it. After all, family affection is the way to connect everyone's way, and it is also the deepest expectation of warmth in the heart. Therefore, in the whirlpool of family affection, many people's struggles may last a lifetime.
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