Good partners are not respectful, but intimate enough to expose their true selves

01 Preface

Xiao Yang is a teacher, gentle personality, sweet looks, married to a bank executive, the husband and wife seem to be affectionate on the surface, never quarrel, when they encounter things to negotiate with each other, never one party arbitrarily arbitrary, is a model couple in the eyes of acquaintances.

However, a recent incident has plunged the small family into a breakdown.

The reason is that her husband has recently fallen in love with a wayward and cruel girl, and he is unable to extricate himself, and he must divorce.

Over the years, she has made great efforts for this family, not only to work, but also to undertake all the housework after work, and in the eyes of everyone, she is a good wife.

But her husband felt that his wife was estranged from him, that his wife's heart was too far away from him, that she was too deep in the city, that he never knew what she was thinking, that he was tired.

And this girl has a simple mind, a straightforward personality, and if she has any needs in her heart, she will directly say that he feels that the two people are very close and relaxed. Although the girl's appearance and figure are not as good as his wife's, in front of the girl, he will feel relaxed in his heart and there is no psychological burden.

Xiao Yang was confused, she didn't know how to deal with this matter, she wanted to keep this marriage, but what to do next, she didn't have any bottom.

02 Respecting each other is like a guest, and it is easy to create estrangement

The relationship between Xiao Yang and her husband is typically respectful of each other, respecting each other, not daring to make a mistake, and hiding the true self in order to stabilize the superficial happiness of the marriage.

The advantages and disadvantages of this way of getting along are obvious, the advantage is mutual respect, there will be no quarrel; the disadvantage is that the real emotions cannot be released for a long time, which is easy to cause depression in both husband and wife, and it is easy to cause psychological estrangement and even the rupture of feelings.

In fact, in the life of husband and wife, it is particularly important to expose the real self, in the above example, Xiao Yang always buried his true thoughts deep in his heart, the husband has been unable to enter her heart, the wife is a stranger he is familiar with, the husband cannot appreciate the intimacy and warmth of the wife, the superficial enthusiasm of the couple can not cover up the inner numbness, and the emotions of both sides are gradually drifting apart unconsciously.

03 Open the knot and expose your true self

In the process of exposing your true self, you must pay attention to a degree, and release your emotions without arbitrariness.

Some couples never hide their emotions, never hide themselves, but no one understands anyone, nor does they know how to respect other people's ideas, and they quarrel every day, hoping that the other party understands themselves and does what they think; in the end, no one can convince anyone, they all feel that the other party does not love themselves, and finally all their feelings are worn away.

That's overdoing.

In fact, the reason is very simple, if you want to be happy in marriage, you need to be true to yourself in the relationship, otherwise the emotions cannot flow, this relationship is very fragile, just like the first couple, it is very easy to be destroyed by external forces, and the lethality is extremely high.

Couples, on the other hand, cannot hold each other accountable for their emotions.

If one party in the relationship, when unhappy, will spread anger on the other party, hoping that the partner will bear it, in order to release their negative emotions, once the other party does not do it, then the other person will inevitably escape because they can't bear it.

If both people have this requirement, it will cause the boundaries to be unclear, then in the long run, the relationship between husband and wife will inevitably break down, just like the second couple.

Being true to yourself, it is especially important that you can withstand negative emotions, that is, you can be an independent individual.

In fact, the real self and the independent individual are not contradictory, but you both dare to be your true self in the relationship and be independently responsible for your emotions, so that the feelings are real, intimate, and stable.

04 A few points to note:

1． Dare to expose your true self

People who are always considering each other in the relationship and dare not expose their true selves often have a deep concern inside: they are afraid that their true selves will not be pampered, afraid of rejection, denial and boredom, and fear of losing love and family from now on.

This is usually because they have encountered setbacks and misfortunes in the process of growing up, and these setbacks have been deeply rooted in their hearts, and this negative emotion is always in the shadows and cannot be shaken off.

If you are facing this problem, you need to try to face your fears, try to overcome yourself, try to speak your inner thoughts, inspire yourself, and gradually open your heart knots to truly release yourself.

2． Release emotions in the right way

In the relationship, it is necessary to release real emotions and let the partner understand the real self, but how to express it is a science.

For example, when you are unhappy, you have a calm face, do not listen to other people's defenses, keep counting down others, always feel that you are reasonable, others are unreasonable, this expression will push the people around you away.

The correct way to express it should be to use accurate, euphemistic language to directly express your inner thoughts, such as saying: "Husband, can you accompany me out for a walk tonight?" I'm in a bad mood, we haven't been out for a walk together in a long time. ”

Or to say: "Husband, I am too tired to go to work today, I really can't move, can you make dinner?" ”

Such an expression, it is easier to mobilize the soft part of the partner's heart, the man's innate strong psychology will be mobilized, he will naturally respond to you positively, help you, comfort you, through this interaction, your feelings are naturally getting better and better.

3． Manage your emotions

Some people will think: I am true to myself in front of my partner, and I also use the right way to express my emotions, then my partner should give me a positive response, if he can't do this, obviously he just doesn't love me enough.

If there is such a way, we ignore the needs of the partner, he is also a real being, he also has his own emotions and needs, we also have to take care of his emotions, we can't ask him to respond to us in the way we expect us to be whenever we need it, he is not a robot after all.

We express our inner thoughts, our feelings and needs, in order to make our partners understand what we really need.

If he can't give us for a while, we must also learn to take care of our emotions, not to ask and quarrel loudly, how much he can give, is his own business, even if it is a little, it is a great performance.

Respect each other's choices, so that two people can get along without ideological baggage, and it is easy and pleasant.

Couples with happy marriages have these characteristics: they dare to be true to themselves, and they are also good at managing their emotions; they can both guard their own boundaries and take care of each other's feelings.

In this way, two people will actively interact, each other will eliminate misunderstandings and estrangement, will treat each other frankly, will gradually become familiar with each other, and will get better and better in each other's feelings.