People say:
"No matter how good a marriage is, there are 100 times in a lifetime when you want to divorce and 50 times you want to strangle each other."
Indeed it is.
But what matters is not the idea of these 100 wanting to divorce and 50 wanting to strangle each other, but why not, why not divorce, not strangling each other?
When our focus shifts from quarrels in marriage to how to resolve them and continue to live in marriage, we are not far from a good marriage.
In fact, all marriages are just this one word - patience.
01 Patience is maturity
When I was a child, my mother always couldn't help but tell me about the grievances she had suffered in family relations over and over again, especially the "mother-in-law's anger" she suffered. When I was young, I hurt my mother the most, I really wanted to rush out immediately to support my mother, and I wondered why I was angry with these things, and I had to endure, why not get a divorce?
My mother's favorite thing to say to me was, "If it weren't for you, I would have divorced and died a long time ago, and you must study hard." ”
I am convinced of this.
Today, I am 35 years old and my daughter is 5 years old. Although I got married after I knew and fell in love with my lover, I have seriously considered divorce several times in my 8 years of married life.
Why didn't you leave?
Like my mom, for my daughter.
When I grew up, I used to hate my mother's sentence "I didn't divorce for you", and I also read some books about the "original family", and I was very angry that my mother dumped "emotional garbage" on me when I was a child.
But now, as a mother, I personally feel the helplessness and helplessness of being a woman and as a mother in marriage.
But I will never say the same thing to my daughter, let alone tell her daughter about the bitterness caused by family conflicts.
Because, I learned to endure.
I slowly understood that this is a compulsory course for adults, and it is also a practice as a mother. In fact, in marriage, it is more difficult to be a mother than to be a wife. As a wife, you are facing the husband, he is an adult, even if he says something that should not be said on impulse, he has the ability to digest. But as a mother, in the face of young children, some words can never be said, and we must hold back.
If the relationship between husband and wife fails to make you mature, after upgrading to parenthood, in the parent-child relationship, you must understand the power of forbearance.
Slowly, you will understand that in life and marriage, there are not so many things that need to be filled with righteous indignation and get out of control.
Nietzsche said:
"The way to gain true freedom is to learn self-control. Those who are mentally free and maintain independent thinking are also those who are good at controlling their emotions. ”
Being able to control your emotions and hold back a moment of anger is not far from a good marriage and a harmonious family.
02 Forbearance is respect
Ask yourself, is there any respect between you as a couple?
My friend was very surprised to tell me that day, saying: "It turns out that in this world, there are really couples with eyebrows, one of my colleagues has been reading xiang mendi for several generations, and her lovers are also lovers, and the speech between their husband and wife is polite, even if they quarrel, they only grasp the essence of the problem, say a word, let the other party reflect and reflect." ”
After listening to it, I also "have seen it for a long time".
Most of our ordinary people's marriages may not be like this, but like in the hit drama Dear Child, the husband will lose control, the wife will hysterically accuse the husband, and say it unceremoniously - the does not stink, you have to pick it up!
Sprinkling and rolling have been presented, what hurts people say!
But after that?
Is there any benefit to yourself, to your marriage?
We have all forgotten the minimum respect between people, ta is first of all a person before you love your lover!
A good marriage is not without quarrels, just without humiliation; a good marriage is not without cumbersome, just without complaints; a good marriage is not without errors, just without accusations...
No matter how long you have been married, you can't help but respect your lover as a basic person!
03 Patience is love
Or the classic line - like is indulgence, love is restraint.
Although there is some literature and art, it is true.
Just like raising a child, who does not like the cute and loving, clean, lively and cute little angel appearance of the child. But when you have a child, you know that the child is really a little angel for a while, and a little devil for a while. Day after day in the battle of wits and courage to dress, feed, bathe, coax to sleep, exhausted. But our love for our children does not diminish the slightest from tiredness and annoyance.
In fact, the feelings of the world are all connected, if we take the mother's love or the father's love to look at love, we will understand that no matter what feelings can not only have a beautiful side, the deeper the feelings, the more will be accompanied by anxiety, fatigue, and even pain.
And this is love itself.
Zhang Ailing wrote in "Half Life":
"Maybe love is not passion, nor nostalgia, but years, years and years have become a part of life." 」
After years of marriage, who would mention "love"? But a couple who marry because they fall in love, although they are under the siege of marriage, what moment is not in love?
Xiaojiao Heart Language:
Read a sentence:
"In this world, there are no two people who are born to be compatible, just one who knows how to tolerate and accommodate, and the other who knows how to stop at the right time."
Patience is always the result of both parties; a good marriage is always the result of the joint efforts of husband and wife and mutual influence.
May we all be accommodating, and we all know how to stop in moderation, in this era when divorce is not unusual, take care of your marriage and enjoy the beauty of family life.