Marriage and love are big problems that plague many young people at the moment.
The recent fire of the TV series "Dear Child" was pointed out by netizens to be selling anxiety;
The play exposes many housework problems faced after marriage and childbirth, the problem of getting along with the family, the problem of raising and caring for children, the communication problem between husband and wife, and the problem of extramarital affairs.
Others have put forward different views, believing that the play reflects reality.
In fact, most people in intimate relationships will face some troubles and pains, but at the same time there will be joy and happiness.
A lot of tedious things in marriage, everyone is the same, but the person in the married life is the key to influencing all of this.
In the real world, it is not excluded that people who grew up in a bad family atmosphere, but have good conduct, intelligence and diligence;
But under normal circumstances, when getting married and looking for a partner, it is still necessary to polish your eyes and try not to find people from these 4 kinds of families.
Quarrelsome, unkind family
In almost any family, quarrels and contradictions are inevitable.
But the bond that holds a home is always love.
If a person's family has been squeezing each other for many years, quarrelling, and even fighting with each other, there is no warmth and affection to speak of, and relatives do not care about each other;
Then, children who grow up in this family are most likely not to love, or even be very cold, like to go to extremes when encountering things, and have a violent temperament.
On the contrary, a child who grew up in love is more gentle and elegant, knows how to understand and take care of the feelings of others, and mentions parents and close relatives, all of which are full of joy and happiness.
Spending a lifetime with such a person will have a high probability of happiness for a lifetime.
Therefore, in the process of getting along with each other, it is not only necessary to look at what he said and did on the surface, but also to listen to his evaluation of his family, and to understand the other party's tutoring and family style.
If you find that there are bad signs and there is nothing to change, please stop the loss in time and stop the interaction.
Elders say one thing and one thing, and overly control the repressed family
In "Dear Child", Xiao Lu's "affair object" Zhu Zhu lives in such a 'suffocated' family.
In the play, Zhu Zhu is a child in a wealthy family, with a middle-looking appearance, a good school education, and a gentle personality.
But Zhu Zhu's mother, because she was injured in marriage, was very harsh on her daughter, from dressing up to making friends at work, Zhu Zhu had no autonomy and was suppressed by her mother's desire to control;
Even Zhu Zhu's attempt to put on lipstick was prevented, and Zhu Zhu could only be disciplined in front of her mother, completely unable to express her feelings and thoughts, which led to "destroying other people's families" and escaping her mother's control.
The family therapy school of psychology believes that many of people's mental illnesses are actually caused by family culture;
This kind of family that "overly suppresses human nature, and parents say one thing is not two" is the "culprit";
Their common feature is that there are too many strict standards and rules, lack of vitality, and ignore the true feelings of people's hearts, whether they are happy and comfortable.
Children who grow up in such a family are very poor, and in the future they are either suppressed and destroyed, or they erupt in repression, and only a few can change;
So when looking for an object, consider your own energy, whether you can 'help the other party get out of the sea of suffering', if not, please give up.
Some of the parents are unfaithful to the marriage and like to mess with the flowers
The Count of Monte Cristo says:
The evening party on the social field is like a flower show, attracting inattentive butterflies, hungry and greedy bees and buzzing wasps.
Not everyone is "fit" to approach marriage;
Some people, just like to get into the grass, be merciful, keen to participate in various social activities, and constantly look for "prey" from them, as if they do not do this, they feel that life is at a loss;
Marriage is first and foremost loyalty, and the marriage of parents can greatly affect the child's view of mate selection and marriage and love.
Living in a family with an unhappy marriage for a long time, the child is either insecure and needs more care and tolerance from others;
Or the child is also in the ear and develops a bad style.
This kind of family, try not to touch it.
Overly picky, blame-loving families
Xun Zi said: A gentleman is virtuous and can tolerate it, knows and can tolerate foolishness, be broad and tolerant of shallowness, and can tolerate impurities.
In reality, of course, we cannot achieve absolute wisdom, knowledge, knowledge, and purity.
But at least we should learn to have a certain degree of tolerance and understanding for people.
This is especially important in intimate relationships and affects a lifetime of happiness.
Satya, a well-known psychotherapist, proposed three elements of communication in interpersonal relationships:
Self, others, situations.
An overly critical, often accusatory person, usually ignores others and only has the self and the environment.
They usually do not consider each other's feelings, and see all the shortcomings and shortcomings of the other party, even if these so-called shortcomings do not affect the daily life and happiness index.
In their eyes, they must meet their demands and idealized states in order for everything to proceed smoothly, otherwise they will be restless and anxious.
People with this trait, usually with similar parents, live in a mean family environment;
Usually, their language is usually like this:
"It's all your problem."
"How come you can't even do this little thing?"
The human heart is made of meat, even if this kind of human heart is not necessarily bad, but long-term attacks and nitpicking will also consume the feelings of two people.
Of course, it is tiring to get along with them, so if we do not have enough patience and wisdom, it is best not to find people from such families.
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