Text/Qian Feijun
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The ancients said, "Great wisdom is foolishness, and great cleverness is clumsiness." ”
Since ancient times, everyone likes smart people, but the really smart people are not always sharp, but know how to appropriately pretend to be confused about the people who care.
To be a person, to be really confused is stupid, and to pretend to be confused is to cultivate.
A wise person must know how to cut through thorns and thorns outside and be invincible; hide sharp at home, and embrace simplicity and humility.
The attitude of getting along with our families hides the most authentic character of our people.
"Pretending to be confused" to parents is filial piety
Sanmao said:
"Parents are already older, it is always difficult to change the concept of an adult, and the generation of adolescents is still very malleable, and in many places, it is necessary to ask teenagers to include parents and forgive their parents."
Treating parents, talking less about some big truths, and pretending to be confused is not a kind of filial piety.
Friends have to go to work after maternity leave, because the child is not taken care of, the husband let the mother-in-law come to help, the mother-in-law in addition to taking care of the child, but also took care of the housework, but her diligence also brought a lot of trouble.
When washing clothes, the mother-in-law does not distinguish between dry cleaning and machine washing, resulting in shrinkage and deformation of the clothes that should be dry cleaned; when brushing the pot, the mother-in-law uses a steel wire ball to wipe the non-stick pan, and accidentally washes out the scratches.
These small things, friends never complain to their husbands, nor do they accuse their mother-in-law, but silently clean up the mess behind their backs.
In the days after the mother-in-law's busy work, my friend always turned a blind eye. She said, "These innocuous little things, why do you have to say that they are broken and hurt and angry?" ”
As the saying goes: "There is an old family, such as a treasure." ”
As children, we must understand the rewards of gratitude, and we can give back to our parents far less than one-ten-millionth of what they have paid.
A person's attitude towards his parents can best reflect the cultivation of being a human being.
At the New Year, she went to buy New Year goods with her colleague Wei Wei, and Wei Wei specially bought a box of high-grade fruit cherries, planning to send them to her parents to taste. As soon as she walked out of the supermarket door, Vivi called her parents.
The parents on the other end of the phone were too expensive to resign, and Vivi quickly responded: "Supermarket year-end promotions, not expensive, only a few dollars a pound." ”
After the parents listened, they gladly accepted.
Afterwards, Vivi smiled and explained to me, "Parents usually save money, if they quote truthfully, they will definitely not be willing to eat." ”
Mencius said, "Only filial piety to one's parents can relieve one's worries." ”
Colleagues use white lies to lower prices, but raise filial piety.
Pretending to be confused about parents is not to obey their words and blindly accept them, but to live their own lives and follow their wishes.
Not having to be shrewd in everything and learning to pretend to be confused with parents is a compulsory course that every adult should experience.
"Pretending to be confused" to a partner is and
Upstairs lived a young couple, at first they were very affectionate, but the women were too strong, the men were too face-loving, and after a few years of marriage, they quarreled over trivial matters.
In the corridor, it is often filled with the scolding of two people, they often argue about right and wrong, often hang "you are wrong", "you are not right", "you do not understand", and over time the two people also quarreled about divorce.
Carnegie said in The Weakness of Human Nature: "There is never a winner in an argument." ”
Husband and wife quarrel, quarrel wins the reason, will quarrel and lose feelings.
Home is a haven from the wind and rain, not a tit-for-tat arena.
A person who is willing to pretend to be confused and say sorry is not because he is really wrong, but because of love.
Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu have been married for decades and have a happy marriage, in fact, the personalities of the two are also very different, one is gentle and low-key, calm and sensible; one is stubborn like a child, and the ability to take care of themselves is poor.
During Yang Chen's confinement period, Qian Zhongshu wanted to be independent and let Yang Dai worry less, but the result was either overturning the ink bottle, staining the landlord's tablecloth, or smashing the lamp and breaking the door shaft.
Listening to this "bad news" one after another, Yang Dai did not get angry, did not accuse, did not complain, she did not point out the shortcomings of Qian Zhongshu, but said: "I will get it", in order to comfort Qian Zhongshu.
Gu Shiyun: "The same voice corresponds to itself, and the same heart knows itself." ”
Pretending to be confused is not to swallow without a bottom line, nor is it to sacrifice yourself in a condescending manner, but to know how to think in a different position and learn to compare hearts to hearts.
Between husband and wife, why should we compete with each other, tolerate partners, and live comfortably for a long time.
Emotional mentor Tu Lei once said: "Marriage is not only appreciation, but also acceptance, rather than pickiness and change." If you want to stay together, you can only accept and tolerate. ”
People who know how to bow their heads are not afraid of you, but are willing to tolerate you; people who learn to apologize are not indebted to you, but know how to cherish you more.
Pretending to be confused is a kind of gas, but also a kind of wisdom, lowering the posture, but considering the feelings.
"Pretending to be confused" to a child is love
The Qing Dynasty calligrapher and painter Zheng Banqiao famously said: "It is rare to be confused." In other words, it is "pretending to be confused with understanding."
On the road of life, being a parent and knowing how to "pretend to be confused" is really smart.
In the micro-movie "A Different Father", Lin Xiaoyu's father has good intentions and has to walk a long way to accompany him to school every day.
Father tried a different route every day and taught Xiaoyu new knowledge. One day, the road ahead was under construction and could not be walked, so Xiaoyu asked his father, "What should I do?" ”
The father did not tell Xiaoyu the answer directly, but deliberately showed powerlessness, so that Xiaoyu found a way out in his continuous attempts.
Once, the school participated in an outing, Xiaoyu and his classmates got lost on the way to the expedition, the two classmates were frightened and panicked, only Lin Xiaoyu was sober-minded, and finally led the classmates to find the team.
The ancients said: "The love of parents and sons is far-reaching." ”
As parents, we always hope to carry all the wind and rain in the world for our children, but we don't know that we are too big and arrogant, blindly making claims, and this doting is even more harmful to children.
In the TV series "Little Joy", Hideko is a bully, but always living in the control of her mother, when she decided to apply for Nanda, was rejected by her mother, she finally had an emotional breakdown, ran away from home, and even jumped into the sea to commit suicide.
In the face of her mother's accusations, she cried and shouted, "I just want to run away from you!" ”
In Unconditional Parenting, Elphie Cohen said, "The way children learn to make the right decisions is by making decisions, not by following an arrangement." ”
Visionary parents will never deprive their children of the right to choose in the name of love, they know how to withdraw in time to give their children the space to grow.
The so-called pretending to be confused is not to ignore the child and indulge it, but to learn to withdraw gracefully and make the child stronger.
Parents show weakness without showing strength, and retreat as a way forward, so that children can soar like eagles in the sky that belongs to them.
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In terms of knowledge, I have seen such a question: "Why are some people very weak outside, but very tough at home?" ”
Among them, a high praise replied: "Polite on the outside is to appear educated; at home, the family will also bear your uncultured side." ”
We are always easily impressed by the superficial humility and courtesy, but we don't know that knowing how to treat our families well is a person's deep and deep upbringing.
The Eastern Han Dynasty Ban Gu once said: "People are divided into three classes, the upper class pretends to be confused, the middle class pretends to be real, and the inferior person pretends to be smart." ”
True wise people know how to leave their deepest love to the most deserving people.
For the rest of your life, may you and I advance and attack, and retreat and defend. Can sit idly with the family, can have a light to love.