The middle and high school entrance examinations have always attracted the attention of parents, believing that this is a crucial node in their children's lives. In fact, the critical period that really affects a child's life may be ignored by most parents, that is, when the child is in the fourth and fifth grades. Why? Check out today's article!
The sudden period of the child's emotions and emotions
Prevent children from forming rebellious personalities
Children generally begin to awaken to self-awareness around the age of 10, and they strongly need the respect of their parents and the need for their parents to treat them as older children. However, many parents do not understand the psychology of their children and still treat them as children, so children in this period often deliberately oppose their parents because they do not have the respect and understanding of their parents.
Parents should not think that their children deliberately opposing you is just simple disobedience, in fact, there are hidden deep reasons behind the children's desire for your understanding and your respect.
Children's self-awareness is in its formative stage, they have their own views and opinions on things, and they always stubbornly think that they are right. However, due to the lack of life and social experience, children's views and opinions are often incomplete or wrong, so the gap between ideals and reality will also make great changes in children's emotions and emotions.
In the face of this situation, how should parents guide their children?
Method 1: Find out the cause of the child's emotional changes
Children will have words like "annoyed" and "so annoying", and they will become more and more frequent. Many children say what is in their hearts in the essay:
"The clothes my mother asked me to wear were always something I didn't like; I liked long hair, but my mother let me cut it short... Mom, this is all a sign of disrespect for me. ”
"Mom and Dad wouldn't let me play with my classmates and read the extracurricular books I liked. They never seemed to believe me. ”
In fact, children's troubles are not only about toys, clothes, hairstyles, or extracurricular books, they need the understanding and respect of their parents. When a child is truly understood and respected, all his negative and rebellious emotions will disappear.
For example, in the face of their son's unsatisfactory report card, there is a pair of wise parents who do this:
The child did not do well in math, and he was ready to go home and be "boarded". When he got home, he threw the report card on the coffee table in the living room and went back to his room, where dinner was also spent in trembling.
After dinner, Mom and Dad didn't say anything and went back to their bedroom to watch TV. The child couldn't sit still, and he thought to himself: Is it because Mom and Dad didn't find my report card? So he quietly went to the living room, and next to his report card, his parents left him a note.
Son:
Mom and Dad know that they didn't do well in this exam, and you are also very sad in your heart. You don't have to be nervous, Mom and Dad won't punish you, because punishing children is never the purpose of education.
Mom and Dad believe that you will not give up your efforts, so in the next exam, we do not ask you to achieve how good the results are, as long as you can go a little further than this one, we will be very satisfied.
Always support your mom and dad
After reading Mom and Dad's note, the little man wrote in his diary:
I easily did not shed tears, but I was moved to tears by the understanding and respect of my parents. The moment I walked in the house with my report card, I was ready to argue with my parents. But now I know, it is not necessary, my parents are the most children-aware parents in the world! The best parents in the world!
Children who are in a period of emotional mutation are easy to get angry and angry, but they are also easily moved, especially by the understanding and respect of their parents.
Method 2: Cultivate children's ability to control emotions
The fourth and fifth grades are the sudden changes in children's emotions and emotions, and also the key period for cultivating children's ability to control their emotions. At this time, children have their own ideas, and they have obvious ability to distinguish between right and wrong and hobbies, but their communication, communication skills and ways are limited, or they will not communicate with their parents, which is precisely the reason for their emotional deterioration.
From a psychological point of view, in the face of the sadness or weakness shown by the child, parents must not be reprimanded, and allow the child to show his emotions without hurting others, and at the same time vent this negative emotion in an appropriate way. As long as the child vents enough, he will naturally restore the balance of the mood.
Parents can prepare a sandbag for their children, allowing children to vent their emotions on sandbags; allowing children to raise small animals, when children are not willing to talk to their parents, they can encourage children to talk to small animals; encourage children to run, do sports to vent their emotions... These are all great ways to help your child vent their emotions.
But the most important point is still that parents should understand and identify with their children's emotions, allowing children to express their sadness and weakness freely. Children should be made to understand this: with negative emotions, there is no relationship, speak out, and see if the parents have a way.
A period of high incidence of children's boredom
Tell your child who he is learning for and why
The fourth and fifth grades are the high incidence of children's boredom, and many children begin to hate learning, hate writing homework, and even show strong antipathy to parents' often said words such as "study well".
Why is this happening?
First of all, this is related to the formation of children's self-awareness and the development of thinking ability.
In the first to third grades, children will follow the opinions of parents and teachers more, never think too much about the "why", and they think that the words of parents and teachers are the truth. However, after the fourth grade, the child's thinking ability develops rapidly, they begin to have their own independent thinking, they begin to think: Why should I learn? What if you don't study well?
Since self-awareness has just emerged, the child at this time stubbornly believes that he can solve all problems. At this time, the parents' nagging and commanding will not only annoy the child, but also give them the wrong message: a very difficult thing to learn, he is learning for his parents. Infected by this misinformation, the child will develop a sense of boredom.
Secondly, this is related to the difficulty development of parents who do not understand the knowledge at the primary school level.
In the fourth and fifth grades, the difficulty of learning continues to increase, and many children will feel that they are not able to learn. If parents always do not understand their children, or even reprimand and scold their children, the children will only hate learning, resulting in a strong sense of disgust with learning.
As a parent, no matter what age your child is in, if you want to educate them well, you must understand their psychology in advance and instill in your child the concept of "learning is his own business". In this way, for fourth- and fifth-graders whose thinking is developing at a high speed, this will prompt them to make steady progress in their grades, rather than being bored with school. Parents should encourage their children more and complain less; more praise and less criticism.
What else should parents know in advance before the fourth grade, or in the process of reading the fourth or fifth grade? Or how should parents treat their children?
Method one: Let the child know that learning is his own business.
Many parents spend a lot of time on their children's learning, but it is easy for children to misunderstand: they are learning for their parents. The more parents force their children to study seriously, the more likely they are to create opportunities for their children to refuse to learn and refute their parents.
Case:
One day, my mother came home from work and saw Xiaoyu in the living room with a textbook watching TV and reading a book. Instead of being as angry as usual, she forced the child to go back to her room to read a book, but after greeting the child, she began to do her own housework.
After a while, Xiaoyu couldn't hold his breath and ran over to his mother and said, "Mom, we have to take the Chinese exam tomorrow." Mom let out a "hmm" and ignored him. He continued to test his mother, saying, "But, Mom, I haven't finished reviewing it yet!" Mom still let out an "um" and started to get busy with her own business again. Xiao Yu was a little disappointed and said to his mother, "Mom, why don't you ignore me?" Don't you care about me anymore? ”
Mom put down the housework in her hand and said to him seriously, "You seem to want me to force you to read." Of course, my mother hopes that you can get good grades in the exam, but learning is your own business, whether to read books or not, where to read books, is a matter that should be decided by yourself. From then on, Xiaoyu was convinced of his mother's attitude.
When children test their parents, their attitude must be firm, saying that if they do not participate, they will not participate. If you face Xiaoyu's temptation, your mother said to Xiaoyu in a reproachful tone, "If you don't read well, you will fail the exam" and "If you don't take the exam well, you will be punished by the teacher"... Then, Xiaoyu will continue to play this game of "the more you care about me, the less difficult I am to learn" with his mother.
Method two: Tell your child that you have to learn for your ideals
Now many parents advise their children to study well: "If you don't study well, you won't find a good job in the future!" "If you don't study well, you won't be able to marry your daughter-in-law (you won't find a good husband)!" "If you don't study well, you will become the lowest person in society in the future, and you will have to live a very hard life!" 」 ......
Perhaps parents try to use their own experience and experience to persuade their children to study well, but parents ignore this: fourth-grade children, in the rapid development of thinking, they have their own thinking, no longer like when they were children, parents say, they believe. As parents, we should tell our children that they want to learn for their ideals.
When helping children establish ideals, parents should pay special attention to not imposing their own ideas on their children, such as forcing children to take a career they don't like as their ideals. Instead, it is necessary to help children establish ideals according to their strengths and hobbies.
Method three: Parents should not pay too much attention to their children's academic performance
In life, we often hear parents educate their children like this: "If you do well in the exam this time, what you want, your mother will buy you something." "After taking such a small number of points, I feel ashamed for you, and you still want this and that!" ...... This kind of education can only harm them, or make them become more and more unreasonable, or make their grades drop dramatically, depressed, or even lead to depression or inferiority.
Every parent should look at their child's achievements with a normal heart. Learning is the responsibility of students, and learning well is something that every student should do. Parents should not be complacent because of their children's good grades, or reward them with various substances, which will only give your children an illusion: learning is for parents.
For children with poor grades, parents should not scold them first, and secondly, they should encourage them, help them analyze the reasons for their poor grades, help them find a learning method suitable for them, and tell them: "As long as learning has been improving, grades are secondary." ”
Parents should also create a relaxed learning atmosphere for their children, such as discussing problems encountered in learning with their children, reading with their children, learning together... Don't ask your child about your grades and urge your child to do your homework after school, so that you can only give your child the illusion that he is living for grades.
Method 4: Parents should not be too strict with children in grades one to three
In the first to third grades of primary school, children have no rational thinking ability, what their parents ask, they will do, and what their parents say, they will listen to. At this point, the strictness of the parents can play a role.
But in the fourth and fifth grades, children have their own rational thinking ability, have self-awareness, when the parents strictly ask them to study, and then stipulate the ranking they must achieve in each exam, the child will feel that learning is a very hard thing, and thus have a boring mood for learning.
For those children who have not yet gone to school, or have just entered primary school, parents should not rush to teach them how much knowledge, do not ask them how good the test is, the cultivation of learning interest and learning ability is the most important.
Regarding the education of children before the age of 10, one child psychologist summed it up well:
Ask more about happiness and less about learning;
Ask more "In this exam, are you careful", less ask "how many names have you taken this exam";
Ask more "Do you like to learn...", less "Today I teach you to learn..."
A critical period in the shaping of a child's academic performance
Help your child build self-confidence in learning
Years of surveys have found that the fourth and fifth grades are a critical period for children's academic performance stereotypes – most of those with good grades will always maintain a "good" record; and most of those with poor grades will have difficulty in achieving outstanding academic performance.
If children can always achieve good grades and can often taste the fun of good grades, then their confidence in learning can be built up and they will enjoy learning. For those bad learning habits, such as not thinking, carelessness, etc., we will also actively cooperate with parents and teachers to change these bad habits, and then cultivate some good habits that help improve academic performance.
However, if the child's grades are very poor, or the grades are mediocre, they will not experience the sense of achievement brought by the grades, and then they will not have confidence in learning, nor will they have the enthusiasm to learn. Learning has no motivation, no enthusiasm, in the future learning process, children can only learn more and more hard, the more they learn the more confidence.
It can be seen that children achieve a good result in the fourth and fifth grades, they are more likely to have an interest in learning, generate self-confidence in learning, and fall in love with learning, and then maintain excellence in the future learning path.
Before the child reads the third grade, parents can ask more about happiness and less about learning, but in the fourth and fifth grades, parents should pay more attention to their children's learning status. This kind of attention does not mean that parents should urge and urge their children to learn more, and mention learning things to their children every day. Rather, in the fourth and fifth grades, when the academic performance is about to be finalized, parents should take a certain amount of energy to let their children experience the interest in learning and help their children build confidence in learning.
At this critical time, how should parents help their children enhance their self-confidence in learning? How to stimulate children's interest in learning?
Method 1: Give your child "positive cues" often
In addition to their self-motivation, children's self-confidence also needs to be appreciated and encouraged by their parents. In fact, every child is like this, the parents say that he is smart, he is smart; the parents say that he is stupid, he will really become stupid, this is the psychology of the "suggestion" effect.
Negative hints: "Where, my child is not good"; "My child's homework is not very good"; "My child's grades are OK, but the memory is not good"... Even if the parents are modest and polite to others, the child will hear it in his ears and think that this is the parent's evaluation of himself. Under this hint, the child really becomes stupid and worse. The correct approach is that even if the child really has a bad memory and really has shortcomings in learning, parents must not easily criticize the child.
Positive cues: "You're smart"; "You're the best in mom's heart!" "You must be a big man in the future."
Method two: turn learning into a pleasure
Parents force children to learn, although sometimes can achieve a certain role, but this method can not produce long-term effects, and children will never be willing to learn, especially in the fourth grade, if parents force children to learn, children will have to rebel.
Wise parents do not force their children to learn, but find ways to stimulate their children's interest in learning - change "want him to learn" to "he wants to learn"! Parents' words and deeds and creating some mystery of learning are all good ways to stimulate children's interest in learning.
Method 3: Parents should be cautious about "accompanying reading"
Many parents help their children to do homework and check their children's homework every night, and this phenomenon of accompanying reading is the biggest "killer" that destroys children's confidence and interest in learning.
Case:
A child who has been "excellent" in homework every time, in an exam, unexpectedly failed the exam, looking at the test paper full of red crosses, the teacher asked the boy to talk.
Under the guidance of the teacher, the child said what he wanted to say: "Every night when I do my homework, I want to finish it quickly, because only when I finish my homework can I use the Internet." ”
"Then aren't you afraid of making mistakes in your homework?" The teacher asked.
"Don't be afraid, because my mother has to check my homework every day, and if there is a little mistake, my mother will find out." The boy said proudly.
"Then what do you do when you encounter a problem that is difficult to do?"
"I don't even have to think about it, so I tell my mother that I won't do it, and my mother will tell me."
"Mom told you, will you do similar problems in the future?"
"I understood it at the time, but when I came across a similar problem, I would do it when my mother reminded me, and if no one told me which method to use, I wouldn't have done it." This exam is like this, looking at these questions are very familiar, I just can't remember what method to use. ”
Children around the age of 10, although many things have their own ideas, but after all, it is children, love to play is nature, they always want to finish the homework quickly, in order to play, so many bad problems are reflected in their homework, such as: careless, do not seriously think about the problem, consider the problem is not comprehensive... Without the involvement of parents, children will bear the consequences of their actions – being criticized by their teachers.
But parents deprive them of the right to suffer natural consequences, and parents point out their mistakes when checking their children's homework. At this time, children are too lazy to think, and sometimes they don't even know where their mistakes are, so they write the answers according to what their parents say, let alone correct the bad problems. Moreover, when the child has a dependence, the child's interest in learning and the confidence to learn will be significantly reduced.
The stereotyping period in which the child is accustomed
Pay attention to the cultivation of children's good habits
A foreign expert on behavior did such a survey: experts tested thousands of children from the fourth grade of primary school to the third grade of high school, and the content of this test included knowledge test, ability test and habit test.
The results of the test surprised the expert because he found that from the fourth grade of elementary school to the third grade of high school, children's knowledge scores and ability scores have been on the rise, but their habit scores have not changed much.
Experts have concluded that the key period for the development of children's habits is in the middle and lower grades of primary school, and the fourth or fifth grade is a "watershed". That is to say, before the fourth and fifth grades, if the child develops good learning and living habits, these good habits will accompany the child for a lifetime; after the fourth and fifth grades, if the child wants to change some bad habits, unless special training is carried out, these bad habits of the child are difficult to change.
Developing good habits in your child is key:
First of all, from the characteristics of habit formation, the fourth and fifth grades are a critical period for strengthening good habits and correcting bad habits, and after this critical period, these bad habits will not be easily changed.
Secondly, from the perspective of the development characteristics of children's willpower, although the development of children's willpower at this time is only preliminary and unstable, at this time, the child's willpower development begins to grow from weak to strong, from other discipline to excessive self-discipline. Children will take the initiative to cultivate some good habits and correct some bad habits by restraining themselves. Therefore, the cultivation of good habits and the correction of bad habits are not very difficult things.
Finally, around the age of 10, due to the formation and development of self-awareness, the child's motivation for action begins to change from direct motivation to indirect motivation. Children will try to express themselves in the hope of getting more positive evaluations from more people.
What problems should parents pay attention to in the process of helping their children develop good habits and correct bad habits? Or what educational concepts must be in place?
Method 1: Create a good environment for children to form good habits
The cultivation of any good habit is not easy, and the correction of any bad habit is not easy.
Parents must remember the truth that the sooner the child's good habits are cultivated, the better.
Method two: Parents should pay special attention to the child's habits around the age of 10, the child's brain into a period of rapid development, at this time the child has the ability to think rationally.
When they encounter problems again, they have been able to think rationally and think from another perspective.
For example, when the child is still young, that is, the mother takes the initiative to hint to the child that "washing clothes is a very hard thing", they often can not really understand the mother's hardships, when the child is old, their lazy, inconsiderate of others Habits have long been stereotyped, no matter how the parents hint, compared to is invalid. Around the fourth and fifth grades when rational thinking has just emerged, this kind of suggestion from parents is very necessary and necessary.
Through careful observation and research, many education experts have found that the good behavior habits developed by children around the fourth and fifth grades are often more persistent. From a psychological point of view, the good habits that children develop around the fourth grade will be more durable and easier to penetrate into the child's heart than the good habits that children develop in other ages.
Living habits: industrious, hygienic, polite, loving, able to understand others;
Learning habits: love to think, careful, pre-class, review after class;
Personality: strong, brave, optimistic, positive.
Method three: cultivate good habits with addition, overcome bad habits with subtraction
Sun Yunxiao, deputy director of the China Youth Research Center: Use addition to cultivate good habits, and subtract to overcome bad habits.
Good habits are cultivated little by little, and parents cannot try to "eat a fat man" in one bite. Take advantage of the principle of addition that progresses a little bit every day and let the child take it slowly.
Bad habits are also corrected little by little, which not only protects the child's fragile self-confidence, but also allows the child to experience a sense of accomplishment in overcoming himself in the process, so that his confidence in himself will also be greatly increased.
Method four: correcting children's bad habits requires the authority and perseverance of parents
Parents to help children get rid of bad habits, must have a certain authority, on the basis of the child's unity, to the child to develop some "discipline" and "rules".
A U.S. study found that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. But it takes more time than 21 days to correct a child's bad habits, which requires parents to have perseverance in correcting their children's bad habits. In the face of children's tricks, soft and hard bubbles, parents must show enough perseverance and do not compromise with their children.
A turning point in the development of a child's moral sensibilities
Cultivate children's good moral character and social evaluation ability
Compared with when they were young, by the fourth and fifth grades, children's moral feelings show the following two differences: in terms of moral understanding, the transition from specific and superficial understanding to essential understanding. In terms of moral evaluation, the transition from focusing only on the effects of behavior to a unified consideration of motivation and effect in a comprehensive manner.
Method 1: Overcoming psychological biases in moral education
1. Prevent the stabilization effect
The fixation effect refers to the fact that parents have a certain fixed view of their children, and the evaluation of their children is always affected by this fixed view. Parents should always remind themselves to look at their children's behavior from a developmental point of view.
2. Overcome the halo effect
The halo effect is the meaning of partial generalization. That is to say, because the child has some shortcomings, it ignores all the advantages of the child and thinks that the child is "useless"; because the child has a certain advantage, it ignores all the shortcomings of the child and thinks that the child is "all right".
If parents always wear "colored glasses" to look at their children and always misunderstand their children, the children will become very rebellious.
Method two: put an end to scolding and give children more respect and understanding
When the child is young, parents occasionally hit the child, which may shock the child and play a role in quickly educating the child. Later, parents will find another opportunity to tell their children that "Mom and Dad love you", and may soon win their children's trust and love. However, when the child reaches the fourth or fifth grade, the child's self-awareness has risen, and the parents scold the child again, the child will have to take revenge, and will also produce a rebellious psychology, prompting more and more bad moral behavior.
In terms of moral emotions, the roughness of parents will make them more and more rebellious and morally inferior; and the understanding and respect of parents will make children willing to communicate with their parents, so that the child's moral level will develop in the direction expected by parents.
Method three: work on the child's action problems
Generally speaking, children in the fourth and fifth grades already have a certain moral cognitive ability, they can analyze and evaluate their own and others' behavior through certain moral principles, begin to have a certain degree of willpower to control their impulses, and know how to restrain their behavior based on certain moral principles. However, children are still children, and they understand these great truths in their minds, but their actions often fail to keep up. Therefore, parents must combine moral cognition education and behavior education for their children' moral education, especially pay attention to the children's moral behavior education, so that children strive to be consistent with words and deeds.
It is normal for a child to have inconsistencies in words and deeds in terms of moral character, so at this time, he needs the patient guidance of his parents, rather than blaming and criticizing.
Method four: use subtle suggestions
An educationalist once said: The less a child feels the intention of the educator in any kind of educational phenomenon, the greater the educational effect of his education.
No child likes to be in an educated, regulated position. By the fourth and fifth grades, children's self-awareness has begun to rise, and their self-esteem is also increasing little by little, which implies that the pedagogy is the easiest for children to accept.
It implies that the pedagogical method can satisfy the increasingly strong self-esteem of fourth-grade children; it can satisfy the evolving self-awareness of fourth- and fifth-grade children; it can make children feel equal and feel respected, so as to overcome their shortcomings with a relaxed and pleasant mood, and cooperate with their parents with a happy mood.
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