Parents are very concerned about their children's primary school, middle school entrance examination, college entrance examination, and believe that these are the nodes that are crucial to their children's lives.
But in fact, the performance of children in these big exams is fixed in these two stages, that is, when the children are in the fourth and fifth grades and the second year of junior high school.
Why? Let's look down
The first stage: fourth and fifth grades
I believe that many parents have heard such a saying: "The fourth and fifth grades are the obstacles." ”
But its importance is often ignored by parents, and many changes in children at this stage are not handled well, which will have serious consequences. Many children's problems exposed in junior high school are related to the hidden dangers buried at this stage.
Why?
The fourth and fifth grades are the sudden period of children's emotions and emotions
Children generally begin to rise in self-awareness around the age of 10, and they strongly need the respect of their parents and the need for their parents to treat them as older children. However, many parents do not understand the psychology of their children and still treat their children as children, so children in this period often deliberately oppose their parents because they do not have the respect and understanding of their parents.
Parents should not think that their children deliberately oppose you, but simply disobedient behavior, in fact, behind the hidden children's deep reasons for your understanding and your respect.
Self-consciousness is in its formative stage, they have their own views and opinions on things, and they are always stubbornly thinking that they are right. However, due to the lack of life and social experience, children's views and opinions are often incomplete or wrong, so the gap between ideals and reality will also make great changes in children's emotions and emotions.
Children will have words like "annoyed", "annoying", and the number of such words will always rise. Just like many children say what is in their hearts in the essay:
One child said: "The clothes my mother asked me to wear were always something I didn't like; I liked long hair, but my mother let me cut it short... Mom, this is all a sign of disrespect for me. Another classmate said: "Mom and Dad didn't let me play with my classmates and read the extracurricular books I liked." They never seemed to believe me. ”
In fact, children's troubles are not only about toys, clothes, hairstyles, or extracurricular books, they need the understanding and respect of their parents. When the child truly understands and respects, all his negative and rebellious emotions will disappear.
They are in a period of emotional mutation, they are easy to get angry and angry, but they are also easy to be moved. Parents' understanding and respect are more touching than giving them expensive gifts.
02 The fourth and fifth grades are the high incidence of children's boredom
The fourth and fifth grades are the high incidence of children's boredom, and many children begin to hate learning, hate writing homework, and even show strong antipathy to parents' often said words such as "study well".
This is related to the formation of children's self-awareness and the development of thinking skills. In the first to third grades, children will follow the opinions of parents and teachers more, never think too much about the "why", and they think that the words of parents and teachers are the truth. However, after the fourth grade, the child's thinking ability develops rapidly, they begin to have their own independent thinking, they begin to think: Why should I learn? What if you don't study well?
Since self-awareness has just emerged, the child at this time stubbornly believes that he can solve all problems. At this time, the parents' nagging and commanding will not only annoy the child, but also give them the wrong message: a very difficult thing to learn, he is learning for his parents. Infected by this misinformation, the child will develop a sense of boredom.
Moreover, in the fourth and fifth grades, the difficulty of learning continues to increase, and many children will feel that they are not able to learn. If parents always do not understand their children, or even reprimand and scold their children, then the children can only hate learning, resulting in a strong dislike of learning.
03 Grades 4 and 5 are a critical period for children's academic performance stereotypes
Years of surveys have found that the fourth and fifth grades are a critical period for children's academic performance stereotypes – most of those with good grades will always maintain a "good" record; and most of those with poor grades will have difficulty in achieving outstanding academic performance.
When children achieve a good result in the fourth and fifth grades, they are more likely to have the confidence to learn, and then maintain excellence in the future learning path. However, if the child's grades are very poor, or the grades are mediocre, they will not experience the sense of achievement brought by the grades, and then they will not have confidence in learning, nor will they have the enthusiasm to learn. Learning has no motivation, no enthusiasm, in the future learning process, children can only learn more and more hard, the more they learn the more confidence.
Before the child reads the third grade, parents can ask more about happiness and less about learning, but in the fourth and fifth grades, parents should pay more attention to their children's learning status. This kind of attention does not mean that parents should urge and urge their children to learn more, and mention learning things to their children every day. Rather, in the fourth and fifth grades, when the academic performance is about to be finalized, parents should take a certain amount of energy to let their children experience the interest in learning and help their children build confidence in learning.
04 The stereotyping period of various habits of children in the fourth and fifth grades
A foreign expert on behavior did such a survey: experts tested thousands of children from the fourth grade of primary school to the third grade of high school, and the content of this test included knowledge test, ability test and habit test. The results of the test surprised the expert because he found that from the fourth grade of elementary school to the third grade of high school, children's knowledge scores and ability scores have been on the rise, but their habit scores have not changed much.
Experts have concluded that the key period for the development of children's habits is in the middle and lower grades of primary school, and the fourth or fifth grade is a "watershed". From the characteristics of habit formation, the fourth and fifth grades are a critical period for strengthening good habits and correcting bad habits, and after this critical period, these bad habits will not be easily changed.
From the perspective of the development characteristics of children's willpower, although the development of children's willpower at this time is only preliminary and unstable, at this time, the development of children's willpower begins to grow from weak to strong, from other discipline to excessive self-discipline. Children will take the initiative to cultivate some good habits and correct some bad habits by restraining themselves. Therefore, the cultivation of good habits and the correction of bad habits are not very difficult things.
That is to say, before the fourth and fifth grades, if the child develops good learning and living habits, these good habits will accompany the child for a lifetime; after the fourth and fifth grades, if the child wants to change some bad habits, unless special training is carried out, these bad habits of the child are difficult to change.
In the critical stage of the fourth and fifth grades, what points should parents pay attention to in order to help their children?
1 Develop your child's ability to control emotions
The fourth and fifth grades are the sudden changes in children's emotions and emotions, and also the key period for cultivating children's ability to control their emotions. At this time, children have their own ideas, and have obvious ability to distinguish between right and wrong, hobbies, but their communication, communication skills and ways are limited, or they will not communicate with their parents, which is precisely the reason for their emotional deterioration. When children do not handle emotions well, and they lack the ability to self-discharge, it is difficult to concentrate on learning, affecting their lives and interpersonal relationships, and even some psychological problems.
In order to cultivate the child's ability to control their emotions, parents should first let the child understand this: with negative emotions, there is no relationship, speak out, see if the parents have a way. From a psychological point of view, the scientific method should be like this: in the face of the sadness or weakness shown by the child, the parents must not reprimand, should let the child vent the depression in his heart, as long as the child vents enough, he will naturally restore the balance of the mood.
Of course, if the child needs the help of the parents, the parents should comfort the child in time, use the same psychology to feel the child's emotions, and strive to cause the child's emotional resonance, thereby alleviating the child's bad emotions.
At this time, it is a good idea to allow children to express their emotions in moderation. It is worth noting that the focus of children's interactions around the age of 10 has shifted from family to school, and the relationship and friendship between classmates will become an important factor affecting children's spirits. When children are reluctant to talk to their parents, they can encourage children to talk to small animals; encourage children to run, do sports to vent their emotions... These are all great ways to help children vent their emotions, but the most important point is still that parents should understand and identify with their children's emotions and allow their children to express their sadness and weakness freely.
For example, in the face of their son's unsatisfactory report card, a pair of wise parents did it:
xxx math did not do well, he was ready to go home and be "boarded". When he got home, he threw the report card on the coffee table in the living room and went back to his room, where dinner was also spent in trembling. After dinner, Mom and Dad didn't say anything and went back to their bedroom to watch TV. The child couldn't sit still, and he thought to himself: Is it because Mom and Dad didn't find my report card? So he quietly went to the living room, and next to his report card, his parents left him a note.
Son: Mom and Dad know that they didn't do well in this exam, and you are very sad in your heart. You don't have to be nervous, Mom and Dad won't punish you, because punishing kids is never the goal. Mom and Dad believe that you will certainly not give up on hard work, so in the next exam, we do not ask you how good you are, as long as you are a little bit better than this one, we will be satisfied. Always support your mom and dad
After reading Mom and Dad's note, this little man wrote in his diary: I don't shed tears easily, but I was moved to tears by my parents' understanding and respect. The moment I walked in the house with my report card, I was ready to argue with my parents. But now I know, it's not necessary, my parents are the most knowledgeable parents under the heavens! The best parents in the world!
2 Let the child know that learning is his own business.
One day, my mother came home from work and saw Xiaoyu in the living room with a textbook watching TV and reading a book. Instead of being as angry as usual, she forced the child to go back to her room to read a book, but after greeting the child, she began to do her own housework. After a while, Xiaoyu couldn't hold his breath and ran over to his mother and said, "Mom, we have to take the Chinese exam tomorrow." Mom let out a "hmm" and ignored him. He continued to test his mother, saying, "But, Mom, I haven't finished reviewing it yet!" Mom still let out an "um" and started to get busy with her own business again. Xiao Yu was a little disappointed and said to his mother, "Mom, why don't you ignore me?" Don't you care about me anymore? ”
Mom put down the housework in her hand and said to him seriously, "You seem to want me to force you to read." Of course, my mother hopes that you can get good grades in the exam, but learning is your own business, whether to read books or not, where to read books, is a matter that should be decided by yourself. From then on, Xiaoyu was convinced of his mother's attitude.
As a parent, no matter what age your child is in, if you want to educate them well, you must understand their psychology in advance. Many parents spend a lot of time on their children's learning, but it is easy for children to misunderstand: they are learning for their parents. The more parents force their children to study seriously, the more likely they are to create opportunities for their children to refuse to learn and refute their parents.
The first and second grades pay more attention to the guidance of learning interest and the cultivation of learning habits, and some smart children will achieve better results even if they do not have to study seriously. However, the fourth and fifth grades are senior grades, and the curriculum content has shifted from cultivating interest in learning to systematic learning of a large amount of knowledge, which requires children to begin to change from passive to active learning.
Parents should instill in their children the idea that "learning is his own business" in advance. Tell your child who he is learning for and why. In this way, for fourth- and fifth-graders whose thinking is developing at a high speed, this will prompt them to make steady progress in their grades, rather than being bored with school. Parents should encourage their children more and complain less; more praise and less criticism.
When children test their parents, their attitude must be firm, saying that if they do not participate, they will not participate. If you face Xiaoyu's temptation, your mother said to Xiaoyu in a reproachful tone, "If you don't read well, you will fail the exam" and "If you don't take the exam well, you will be punished by the teacher"... Then, Xiaoyu will continue to play this game of "the more you care about me, the less difficult I am to learn" with his mother.
3 Give your child "positive cues" often
In addition to their self-motivation, children's self-confidence also needs to be appreciated and encouraged by their parents. In fact, every child is like this, the parents say that he is smart, he is smart; the parents say that he is stupid, he will really become stupid, this is the psychology of the "suggestion" effect.
Negative hints: "Where, my child is not good"; "My child's homework is not very good"; "My child's grades are OK, but the memory is not good"... Even if the parents are modest and polite to others, the child will hear it in his ears and think that this is the parent's evaluation of himself. Under this hint, the child really becomes stupid and worse. The correct approach is that even if the child really has a bad memory and really has shortcomings in learning, parents must not easily criticize the child.
Positive cues: "You're smart"; "You're the best in mom's heart!" "You must be a big man in the future." Don't think it will make the child proud, the encouragement at this stage will make the child ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4 Parents should be cautious about "accompanying reading"
Many parents help their children to do homework and check their children's homework every night, and this phenomenon of accompanying reading is the biggest "killer" that destroys children's confidence and interest in learning.
There was a child who had to be "excellent" in his homework every time, and in an exam, he actually failed the exam, looking at the test paper full of red crosses, and the teacher asked the boy to talk. Under the guidance of the teacher, the child said what he wanted to say: "Every night when I do my homework, I want to finish it quickly, because only when I finish my homework can I use the Internet." "Then aren't you afraid of making mistakes in your homework?" The teacher asked. "Don't be afraid, because my mother has to check my homework every day, and if there is a little mistake, my mother will find out." The boy said proudly.
"Then what do you do when you encounter a problem that is difficult to do?" "I don't even have to think about it, so I tell my mother that I won't do it, and my mother will tell me." "Mom told you, will you do similar problems in the future?" "I understood it at the time, but when I came across a similar problem, I would do it when my mother reminded me, and if no one told me which method to use, I wouldn't have done it." This exam is like this, looking at these questions are very familiar, I just can't remember what method to use. ”
Children around the age of 10, although many things have their own ideas, but after all, it is children, love to play is nature, they always want to finish the homework quickly, in order to play, so many bad problems are reflected in their homework, such as: careless, not seriously thinking about the problem, considering the problem is not comprehensive... Without the involvement of parents, children will bear the consequences of their actions – being criticized by their teachers.
But parents deprive them of the right to suffer natural consequences, and parents point out their mistakes when checking their children's homework. At this time, children are too lazy to think, and sometimes they don't even know where their mistakes are, so they write the answers according to what their parents say, let alone correct the bad problems. Moreover, when the child has a dependence, the child's interest in learning and the confidence to learn will be significantly reduced.
5 Develop good habits with addition, and overcome bad habits with subtraction
Parents must remember the truth that the sooner the child's good habits are cultivated, the better. The cultivation of any good habit is not easy, and the correction of any bad habit is not easy. Through careful observation and research, many education experts have found that the good behavior habits developed by children around the fourth and fifth grades are often more persistent. From a psychological point of view, the good habits that children develop around the fourth grade will be more durable and easier to penetrate into the child's heart than the good habits that children develop in other ages. Therefore, parents should pay special attention to their children's habits. Create a good environment for your child to form good habits as early as possible.
Around the age of 10, the child's brain enters a period of rapid development, when the child already has the ability to think rationally. When they encounter problems again, they have been able to think rationally and think from another perspective. For example, when the child is still young, even if the mother actively implies that the child "washing clothes is a very hard thing", they often cannot really understand the mother's hardship, when the child is old, their lazy, inconsiderate habits have long been fixed, no matter how the parents hint, it is invalid. Around the fourth and fifth grades when rational thinking has just emerged, this kind of suggestion from parents is very necessary and necessary.
Sun Yunxiao, deputy director of the China Youth Research Center: Use addition to cultivate good habits, and subtract to overcome bad habits. Good habits are cultivated little by little, and parents cannot try to "eat a fat man" in one bite. Take advantage of the principle of addition that progresses a little bit every day and let the child take it slowly. Bad habits are also corrected little by little, which not only protects the child's fragile self-confidence, but also allows the child to experience a sense of accomplishment in overcoming himself in the process, so that his confidence in himself will also be greatly increased.
Parents to help children get rid of bad habits, must have a certain degree of authority and perseverance, on the basis of recruiting children's unity, to develop some "discipline" and "rules" for children. U.S. research has found that it takes 21 days to develop a habit. But it takes more time than 21 days to correct a child's bad habits, which requires parents to have perseverance in correcting their children's bad habits. In the face of children's tricks, soft and hard bubbles, parents must show enough perseverance and do not compromise with their children.
The second stage: the second grade
The second year of junior high school is a "slope", and it can't survive and ruin the future!
There is a proverb in the education world: the first day of the first year is not much different, the first two are polarized, and the first three days go to earth! Many teachers and parents have deeply realized that the second grade of junior high school is a dangerous stage for students with many accidents. The industry recognizes that the second year of junior high school is a high-risk period for children's grades to decline! Many children are "good students" in primary school and even in the first year of junior high school, how can they slip down as soon as they reach the second year of junior high school?
01 The second year of junior high school is the "slope" that rushes to the peak
Compared with the starting point, it has a lot less encouragement and expectation; compared with the end, it has a lot less applause, cheering, and the red line. It is a stage of struggle alone, a stage of being in the company of loneliness, a stage of endurance, willpower, and self-control. It is widely recognized that the second year of junior high school is a high-risk period for children's grades to decline! When others struggle to climb, some children have a sluggish and relaxed mentality, and it is easy to slide to the bottom of the slope.
In addition, compared with the knowledge of the first grade, the knowledge content of the second grade is much deeper and rarer, and many students feel that learning is difficult, and they have a fear of difficulties and lose their interest in learning. Some children even broke the jar and gave up learning. Many parents have said that their children's grades have been sluggish since the second year of junior high school.
02. Easy to fall in love early, strong vanity
The students of the second grade have basically entered adolescence, and the curiosity and desire to explore brought about by sexual maturity in adolescence promote the development of adolescent sexual consciousness, and there is a shy curiosity about the opposite sex, and the phenomenon of early love is endless.
Because of their increased self-awareness, they will often look at themselves. They love fashionable clothes, gorgeous makeup, trendy electronics, and like to express themselves. In order to satisfy his vanity, he spent a lot of money, wasted time, and stumbled on his studies. Early love, excessive attention to appearance and other factors, as well as the increase in the difficulty of learning, many students have lost interest in learning, resulting in a decline in grades.
03. Children are estranged from their parents and have strong resistance
Adolescent children develop rapidly in self-awareness, like to do things according to their own wishes, and dare to question the authority of their parents. Because of the influence of hormones, they love excitement, often lose their temper, like to contradict adults, and even confront their parents, have a serious rebellious psychology, and are estranged from their parents.
In the second year of junior high school, the media and peers have a greater impact on students, even more than parents and teachers. Sometimes, a thousand sentences from a parent or teacher are not worth a sentence from his partner. A good child, because of the worship of singers and movie stars, obsessed with the Internet, obsessed with games, fall in love, and social "buddy" interaction, may plummet. The proportion of junior high school students confide in their fathers or mothers is less than 15.50%, and the proportion of exchanging their hearts with friends and classmates is more than 48.07%, of which the second year of junior high school is particularly significant.
04. Problems with willpower and perseverance
For junior high school students, the motivation to learn mainly depends on the interest in learning and perseverance to overcome learning difficulties. Some students are smarter and have easy time in elementary school, so they don't need to work very hard to get good grades. These students are often praised by parents and teachers for their intelligence. They mistakenly think that achieving good results is so simple that they can learn well without being serious and working hard.
But in the second year of junior high school, it is completely different. The amount of knowledge in the second year of junior high school is more than twice that of the entire six years of primary school. At this time, it is absolutely difficult to learn without effort. Because students have just entered the second year of junior high school, their psychological development is immature, their understanding of themselves is insufficient, and in the face of difficulties, they cannot find or do not want to find a way to solve the problem, take self-comfort, and give up on themselves. And because of the long-term nature of learning, students need to study unremittingly, but some students lack the minimum will and perseverance, afraid of suffering, afraid of being tired, they will have a coping mentality, resulting in unsolid learning, and differentiation is inevitable.
countermeasure:
(1) Be a peaceful parent.
Parents should communicate with their children more often, and do not entrust the task of educating their children to schools and teachers. Listen more to your child's heart, understand their needs, and keep parent-child communication smooth. But do not nag, long-winded, adolescent children are most disgusted with the nagging of parents.
Try to maintain the harmony and stability of the family, and try not to change the state of life. Such as: no parental divorce, parents do not stay away from the child for a long time, do not let the child know the great joy and sorrow, etc. If you have to change your life state, you should also consider your child's endurance, or communicate with your child in advance to gain your child's understanding.
The common trait of parents whose children dislike the most is "condescending". Therefore, the communication between parents and children must be equal to create a harmonious parent-child atmosphere. Parents should be good at finding their children's shining points. Educate children that it is advisable to take the method of channeling rather than blocking. "Blocking" is bound to have omissions, and it will make the child's heart accumulate more and more, and may also make the child go to the extreme.
In the process of getting along with their children, if there is a verbal conflict with their children, parents must be calm and must not intensify the contradiction. Children in the middle school stage are prone to impulsiveness, and parents are adults and should be rational. The argument should be stopped immediately and in an appropriate manner, but never abandoned. After both sides have calmed down, the effect will be much better to enlighten the child.
(2) Be a patient and positive parent.
In the face of adolescent children, many parents are prone to lose patience and often beat and scold. Such forced discipline will not only be ineffective, but will also aggravate the child's resistance. Parents should adjust their mentality, less blame, more understanding, more patience and tolerance.
Cultivate children's hard-working and hard-working character. Only children who can learn will have real, long-lasting happiness. Teach children not to be superstitious about genius, but to believe in hard work.
Guide children to look at the wealth or poverty of their families with a normal heart. Parents should understand their own situation and look at the wealth and poverty of their families with a normal heart. Rich, not for the rich, do not be kind, avoid the "nouveau rich mentality"; poor, do not complain about society, avoid "waiting for the mentality". Prevent the adverse effects of money on children. Such as: do not give children luxury goods, do not give children too much cash, do not let children "show off"; should not let children be shabby, do not let children have no pocket money, do not let children inferiority.
Create a good family learning atmosphere, more places to have a good impact on children to go to activities, try to avoid the impact of bad environment on children. "Mengmu Three Migrations" reminds us that the environment is very important for the growth of children.
(3) Be a parent who pays attention to your child.
The best way to have a good relationship with a child at this stage is to be equal and respectful. Parents should try to think from the child's point of view, leave a certain space for the child, and do not interfere or invade too much.
Don't just focus on your child's learning, pay more attention to what your child is exposed to, and strive to make your child less affected. Parents should pay close attention to this. Pay close attention to children's worship of singers and movie stars, obsession with the Internet, obsession with games, making bad friends, falling in love, watching pornographic books, films, and television. As much as possible, children in the middle school stage should avoid frequent exposure to these things and be less adversely affected. It is best to explain the reasoning with the child in the first year of junior high school, explain the harm thoroughly, and "about the three chapters of the law". When these problems appear, detect them early and do the work early.