There is a saying in the TV series "Little Parting": All love in the world is for the purpose of getting together, but the love of parents is for separation.
Take the national treasure giant panda that everyone is familiar with! Wild pandas can only give birth to a maximum of two babies at a time, and most of them can only give birth to one. The mother panda will spend one to two years to raise the newborn cub, which is only the size of a mouse, teach it to climb trees, teach it to eat bamboo, teach it to avoid predators, and become a qualified giant panda.
Wait until the baby panda is more than one year old, just learned the survival skills learned, is already a giant panda that can adapt to the wild living environment, the panda mother's obligation to it will be fulfilled, will choose to leave the baby panda, continue to reproduce the next offspring, and from then on the mother and child no longer intersect.
Give birth to children, do their duty to raise education, teach them survival skills, train them to make them have the ability to survive, when they become adults, parents must complete the next step, that is, to let go in time, let them take responsibility, fight for their lives, and be responsible for their choices.
García Márquez also wrote in One Hundred Years of Solitude: "The secret of a happy old age is nothing else, but a decent agreement with loneliness." ”
Let go in time, let him learn to grow, let him have his own happiness, rather than you taking care of everything for him. Remember, you'll get old and will leave him first, unable to shelter him for the rest of your life.
Moreover, if you don't know how to let go, you can easily have conflicts with your children's other half, trigger a marital crisis, and put your children in a dilemma.
You want the decision-making power of the family, you want everyone to listen to you, the other half of the children also wants, both sides do not let go, once the quarrel starts, is your children helping you, filial piety, or help their other half, to maintain the marriage?
"Forced to move out of my son's house for 3 years, my son who can't cook has cooked, and my grandson has it." Hey, I want to understand, children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, what do I follow? ”
Finding that she was better off without her son, Aunt Tang was quite lost, but she also slowly adapted.
01.
Five years ago, Aunt Tang's son Ma Jingyu got married and married a girl he liked.
When her son got married, Aunt Tang had a conflict with her daughter-in-law, only because their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law did not have the same view.
"I've lived with my in-laws since I got married and have never been apart. My in-laws have four children, my husband is the only son, they don't live with us, with whom? Serving the in-laws and giving them a pension and sending them to the end is also the duty of being a daughter-in-law! That's how we all came to be. ”
However, Ma Jingyu's wife proposed that the two families pay together to buy a two-bedroom apartment in the city and live a life for the small family, which made Aunt Tang unable to accept anything.
Aunt Tang and her daughter-in-law had a stalemate for a long time, and in the end, Aunt Tang won, and the daughter-in-law only needed a dowry of 150,000 yuan, did not want a marriage room, and accepted the arrangement of living with her in-laws.
Aunt Tang lived with her daughter-in-law for two years, and in these two years, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law were eager not to quarrel for a day, and the little two were also three days and a big quarrel for two days.
02.
The reason why Aunt Tang is at odds with her daughter-in-law is because Aunt Tang always treats her daughter-in-law as an outsider and treats her son and daughter-in-law with a double-standard attitude.
For example, Ming's daughter-in-law works the same time as her son, because the commute time is one hour late, Aunt Tang and Ma Jingyu do not cook, and they have to wait until the daughter-in-law returns from work to cook.
"My son doesn't have that talent, and none of my men are suitable for the kitchen." Whether Ma Jingyu has this talent or not, he himself does not know, only because he has not cooked all along.
The son and daughter-in-law are single-timers, but on Sundays, Aunt Tang will call her daughter-in-law up to do housework, and she will not forget to tell her daughter-in-law to be quiet, not to wake up her son, and to let her son sleep more.
During the New Year, Aunt Tang did not let her daughter-in-law who was married far away return to her mother's house for the New Year, but asked them to accompany her.
What makes the daughter-in-law even more intolerable is that she married for the second year and gave birth to a daughter, she regarded it as a pearl in her hand, but her mother-in-law was not satisfied, and she gave birth to a second child every day and wanted to hold her grandson.
"Do you choose to be a mother and live a lifetime with your parents, or do you choose me and my daughter to move out, you choose one of the two, hurry up." 」
In the end, Ma Jingyu chose the latter and decided to move out with his wife. Aunt Tang originally wanted to stop it, but her wife couldn't see it anymore, so she trained Aunt Tang and gave her son a sum of money, and the little two finally had their own house.
03.
After the two children moved out, Aunt Tang also went to visit several times, but every time the daughter-in-law did not give herself a good face, Aunt Tang felt depressed, so she had to shift her attention from her son to herself and arrange her old age.
Without the interference of his parents, Ma Jingyu's relationship with his wife has become much better, and under the tutelage of his wife, Ma Jingyu has become more and more like a husband.
"My son told me that he would cook, cooked for me, asked me if I was good, and said that my daughter-in-law could disc every time, and she felt very accomplished. I tasted a few bites, and to be honest, the taste was average, and I don't know why my daughter-in-law thought it was delicious. ”
In the past, after Ma Jingyu got off work, with the support of his mother, he either played games or went out to socialize, never doing housework, but now, Ma Jingyu knows how to cook, knows mopping the floor, and knows how to accompany his children to complete their homework.
At the New Year, Ma Jingyu made an agreement with his wife, each looking for each mother to go back to his home, the daughter followed his wife back, and Ma Jingyu went to accompany his parents. Aunt Tang protested for a long time, but she could not stop her daughter-in-law's pace of returning to her mother's house.
Perhaps it was found that after his own tuning, the husband became more and more reliable, the marriage showed signs of improvement, the feelings of the two children became better, and the living standards also improved, so Aunt Tang's daughter-in-law relaxed and wanted a second child.
Holding the grandson, seeing the happy smile on her son's face, Aunt Tang thoroughly understood and made arrangements for taking the grandson: "When you go to work, send the child to me, I will help you take care of it, pick it up after work, watch it yourself, and I will not squeeze in with you." ”
"The daughter-in-law was very happy, and apologized to me, saying that she was not too good-tempered before, I hope we can all put it down and get along harmoniously, and when the children grow up, they are not busy, we need someone to take care of us, she will definitely honor us, I also accepted, the children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, no one should add to the blockage."
04.
Heartache for his own birth, hope that he will suffer less, this is the normal idea of parents, therefore, many parents are easy to use a double standard attitude to treat their sons and daughters-in-law, triggering contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, destroying their sons' small homes.
In fact, if the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law want to get along harmoniously, they either adhere to the principle of far away fragrance and near smell, keep a bowl of soup at a distance, see the heart as quiet, their family has theirs, you live yours, when who has needs, and then do what they can to help. Or just turn a blind eye, live under one roof and respect each other, and less interfere in the lives of sons and daughters-in-law.
Mark Levy wrote in The Man Who Stole the Shadow: "You can't interfere in someone else's life, even if it's for the good of the other person, this is his life." ”
This is the life of the son and daughter-in-law, it is up to them to decide, you interfere excessively, not only your daughter-in-law is difficult to accept, your son will also feel unfree.
END.
XiaoQi asked you to comment: Do you suggest that your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live under one roof? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.