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Colleagues complained to me, saying that their children must have reached the adolescent rebellious period, because the children not only talked less and less to themselves, but also the children blocked the circle of friends of colleagues, when colleagues learned of this matter, it was unbelievable, and their hearts were extremely lost.
Colleagues said that when pregnant, it was not smooth, morning sickness, bed rest, etc. have been experienced, and it took a lot of effort to give birth to the child. Because I don't want my children to be left-behind children, my colleagues have always insisted on taking my children with me, and I bring my children while I work. Materially, they are all trying their best to satisfy their children, and they are afraid that their children will be wronged a little.
When I was a child, the child was still very obedient, very close to colleagues, and called his mother behind his mother every day, which was simply a small heel.
Originally thought that the child would be more sensible when he grew up, but now the child has made a 180-degree turn and is not close to colleagues at all.
Now it is even more intense, and children would rather get along with classmates and friends than communicate with themselves at home.
Colleagues couldn't figure out how the well-behaved child seemed to change overnight. Can't all children escape the curse of adolescent rebellion?
Colleagues think that they take good care of their children, but in exchange for the end of being blocked from the circle of friends, how can this not be sad. Looking at the lonely expressions and disappointed words of my colleagues, I really felt sorry for her.
Often can hear everyone say that adolescent children rebel, TV dramas often interpret those pictures and bridges, is it true that children will not kiss their parents when they reach a certain age?
Adolescent children are facing the difficult problem of identity
Adolescent children are a special group, at this stage of the child's brain and mind has developed to the point of maturity, children aspire to be able to control their own life and choices like adults.
They pay special attention to their appearance, desire the approval of their peers, and want to be perfect inside.
But because all aspects of the body are not fully mature, children cannot fully achieve their goals like adults, they want to obtain identity but the reality is not satisfied.
This kind of inner contradiction and conflict will gradually erupt, and the external manifestation is that the child is likely to become irritable, rebellious, and withdrawn, in short, the child in front of you is no longer like the obedient child in early childhood.
This phenomenon is a very necessary stage for adolescent children, and it is also a normal growth process.
Maybe you will say that my next-door neighbor's children are also adolescents, how can people not change, people are still so close to their mothers every day, why is this?
In fact, the child's current performance is the result of parenting from an early age, if you want the child to kiss you, parents must prepare in advance, and pay attention to their own words and deeds when the child is young.
If you want your child to kiss you, parents should do 3 things in advance
Give your child all the company during infancy to help you feel safe
There is a very famous rhesus monkey experiment in psychology, which presumably means that psychologists separate newborn monkeys from their mothers, and the little monkeys are brought into a cage to be raised alone.
The little monkeys were arranged with 2 "mothers", one made of wire with a bottle hanging from the top of the wire, and the other made of wood, wrapped in a thick sponge, but without a bottle.
The little monkeys in the experiment snuggled up to Mother Sponge most of the time, and only went to Find Mother Wire to drink milk when they were hungry, and when the little monkeys were full, they would regret it to Mother Sponge.
Because the softness of sponge mother gives the little monkey an infinite sense of security, this contact gives the little monkey psychological comfort and allows the little monkey to be calmed inside.
In the same way, when a baby is born, it is the most insecure period, when the child has just emerged from the mother's body and needs to adapt to the new environment, and this process is the best time for the child to build trust and security.
Mothers in infancy to give the child more body touch, touch, more and the child to talk and communicate (even if the child does not understand), the child's needs to make a timely response, these seemingly slight actions will make the child have a strong sense of security, the child will slowly have a sense of trust and dependence on the parents and mothers, this is the child's first social connection in the face of society, which will have an important impact on the child's future personality development.
My daughter used to talk to her when I was a child, and although the little one couldn't understand what I was saying, he would stare at my face and dance every time, looking very happy.
And because I often communicate with my children, my daughter speaks very early, there is no problem in language expression, and when other children can't speak, my daughter has been able to jump out of simple words.
Early childhood helps children build a sense of rules and accompany them with high quality
The early childhood of 3-6 years old is the second stage of children's development, and children at this stage have begun to form a preliminary sense of self, and they begin to have small thoughts, hoping that they can decide their own things.
For example, you will find that the child is not very old but has a bad temper, and he does not wear the clothes you buy him, because he thinks that it is not his favorite style; the lunch you arrange for the child will not be touched, because there are no eggs in the lunch that he likes to eat.
At this time, the child longs to be able to control himself and be the master of his own home, and his parents should not blindly take tough measures at this time, but should appropriately let go, and let the children make their own decisions under the premise of the bottom line of the rules.
It is important to help children establish a sense of rules, let children understand right and wrong, understand basic etiquette and courtesy, and at the same time, parents must also know how to delegate power and give children the right to make their own decisions.
Pay attention to high-quality companionship when accompanying children, carefully invest in children's games, let children dominate the rules of the game, understand and support children's ideas, and give support when children encounter difficulties or doubts, so that children can feel the love and sense of identity of parents.
Give your child the greatest freedom and let them play freely
Children will slowly transition from childhood to adolescence, and the child's sense of independence will become more and more intense, at this time, the child's needs are not only material requirements, but also a desire for recognition and spiritual support.
The child's life circle will slowly become larger, and the parents are no longer the whole of the child's life, so parents should correct their mentality, know how to slowly retreat behind the scenes, return the initiative to the child, and give the child the greatest freedom.
The reason why many adolescent children rebel or ignore their parents is because they feel that the parents' discipline is too heavy and the children are overwhelmed, so they will hide their true side in front of their parents, and even serious children will have a serious gap between themselves and their parents and cannot be restored.
At this stage, parents should transmit the concept of "I trust you" and "I respect you" to their children, communicate with their children to maintain an equal relationship, and let the children understand and find ways to solve problems.
Each stage of child development is completely different, the needs are also different, want the child to be close to themselves, parents must learn to understand the child, identify with the child, at different stages to give the child the most needed things, so that the child constantly feel the trust, love and respect from the parents.
With parents who understand their children in this way, are you still afraid that their children will not kiss you?
I am Qiyue Mom, a mother of a three-year-old child, and I hope that some of my parenting experiences can be conveyed to you through the platform to provide a little help for your parenting road! You can follow me to learn and grow together!
I am @Seven Joy Mom, follow me and I talk about parenting easily together!
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