Hello everyone, I'm Seven Joy Mom~
Is there a situation in your life, you want to do something yourself, but you encountered certain difficulties in the process, what will you choose to do at this time?
Some people will choose to seek help, that is, they will use external forces to solve their own problems, so as to achieve a certain goal.
On the contrary, some people will choose to suffer or endure in silence, preferring to suffer more than to open their mouths like being asked for help.
This is true not only in social life, but even in family life.
For example, the full-time mother's daily schedule is very full, around the child for a day, it is difficult to get to the evening when the husband can help after work, but the mother chooses to do everything silently and refuses the help of the father (except for the father who lies flat).
I myself belong to this type of person, and for many years I myself have had a sense that the first thing that comes to mind whenever I encounter a difficult situation is how I should solve the problem (or encourage myself to continue to insist on it), and the method of seeking help from others has never been valued.
Every time I want to open my mouth, I feel very diaphragm in my heart, as if my mouth is blocked by something, and I can't open my mouth.
In the long run, we are so arrogant in the eyes of others, but in fact, we really just don't know how to express it.
Later, I read some psychology books and found that many people actually have this situation. This situation has actually been studied in psychology, and the reasons for this situation have also been analyzed, if you want to understand it, you may wish to follow me down.
Self-worth is conditioned, and inner trepidation is at work
The parenting and growth experiences of childhood will slowly become the personality traits of children, and slowly shape them into today's selves.
If a child's value at a young age is often reflected by certain conditions required by parents to bless, then the child will slowly form a self-worth condition.
That is to say, children believe that their value needs to be equal to certain conditions to be reflected, otherwise their sense of value will be very low.
If the child wants a toy that has been in his heart for a long time, the parents will tell the child that you must get all the full scores on the test before being allowed to buy toys; although the child has excellent grades, the strict parents think that the child does not meet their own requirements and often be harsh on the child.
Whenever a child wants to say his wishes or thoughts, he will be very afraid and uneasy in his heart, because the child will worry about whether his ideas will be immediately refuted or overturned by his parents.
Because those bad experiences in the past will be reproduced in the child's brain, making the child withdraw. The child will take the same choice when he encounters a problem, he will continue to introspect, try to find a way on his own, and the child will not seek external help unless he has to, because this is a way for the child to protect himself.
Self-esteem is low and the child feels unworthy
Children with low self-esteem will put their posture very low, very concerned about the eyes and opinions of others, in the eyes of children, their own value is completely from the external environment.
When others lend a helping hand, the child's subconscious will refuse, and the child will think that he does not deserve this help.
This type of child is more introverted, inferior, and appears particularly restrained when getting along with others, because the child is worried that his words and deeds will cause discomfort or disgust to others.
Refusing to help others is not a strong child's ability, but a way for children to achieve self-protection, so that children take the initiative to maintain a certain distance from the outside world and avoid being hurt.
This actually reveals the sensitive and insecure nature of the child, and it is difficult to have a strong sense of trust in the outside world, preferring to endure it rather than accept it.
When I was a child, one of my classmates was this type of child, whose parents worked outside the home for many years, and this classmate has always lived with his grandparents, and only during the New Year can classmates see their parents.
Because of his short stature and lack of speech, this classmate was often bullied by some tall classmates, and over time, the classmate became more introverted and vulnerable.
This student's sense of self-esteem is extremely low, he never dares to fight for what he wants, he never raises his hand to speak in class, and he sits in the corner of the classroom when listening to lectures, which is difficult to be noticed.
Now that we have all grown up, although this classmate is more than 30 years old, he still can't get rid of the characteristics of low self-esteem.
Occasionally I go back to my hometown in the countryside, and I can still see this classmate, who dropped out of school very early, and now does some odd jobs in his hometown, and has not yet started a family.
The "Franklin Effect" teaches you how to shift your thinking
There is a "Franklin effect" in psychology, which probably means that Franklin sought help from others by chance, originally Franklin did not pay attention to it, but in the end he got a great opportunity to know this friend because of this small matter, and Franklin got a vote from this friend at the critical moment of political voting, thus obtaining a greater chance.
This incident gave Franklin a great inspiration, and he believed that the best way to make people like themselves was not to take the initiative to help others, but to be able to get and accept the help of others.
You see, a lot of times we think that only if we help others, others can remember, and only in critical moments will we reach out to help ourselves.
But in fact, it is the complete opposite, we accept the help of others, others give us kindness, which will give others a good feeling, will give others a sense of accomplishment, others are often more willing to be close to themselves.
The same is true for children, when children encounter difficulties, do not blindly stumble to the end, but to teach them to change their thinking, reverse thinking, another way and attitude to treat the kind help of others, which can not only allow children to get help from external forces more likely to let children get a trustworthy good friend.
Of course, our willingness to trust others and our willingness to open our hearts to let others help us is beneficial to a certain extent, but to master a certain degree, excessive demand becomes dependence and laziness.
Are you a person who doesn't like to ask for help from others?
I am Qiyue Mom, a mother of a three-year-old child, and I hope that some of my parenting experiences can be conveyed to you through the platform to provide a little help for your parenting road! You can follow me to learn and grow together!
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