Hello everyone, I'm Seven Joy Mom~
The next-door neighbor in the neighborhood where I used to live was a mother and son (the son was almost 16 years old), and this mother looked like a strong personality, because the next-door neighbor could often hear her scolding the child at home.
Sometimes when our family closes the door, we can hear it very clearly, and this mother always dislikes her child for not doing this well, and doing it wrong.
In the end, the child could not bear it anymore, and no longer had to bear not to speak, but directly confronted his mother with sharp language.
Once the mother and son quarreled too loudly, the neighbors on the first floor were frightened, and everyone ran out to persuade them to fight, and they stopped after a while.
From what I know, this mother has a very strong personality, and she is equally strong in her treatment of her children, she requires her children to be able to do things according to their own wishes, and once the children do not meet their inner requirements, they will be scolded.
We can't choose our birth and parents, what would you do if you met a strong mother?
On the surface, it seems that the mother is strong, but in fact, the child is not weak, because they will use different methods to resist.
When you find out about the child's performance, you will not notice that the fragile child in your eyes is actually not vulnerable at all.
If you don't understand, then follow me down.
The mother is strong, and the child will have four ways to resist
The first way: obedience
This is one of the best ways to understand, and it's the one that many children will adopt.
In the parent-child relationship, the child is in a relatively weak position, and in many cases, it needs to rely on the help of the mother, so the child will have a strong sense of dependence on the mother psychologically.
As children grow up and become self-independent, they begin to have their own ideas and personalities, which is a very normal thing for a completely independent individual.
When the mother's ideas and her own wishes go against the law, the child will choose to obey the mother for the reason of "avoiding conflict".
Because the child knows that as long as he obeys the mother's wishes, the mother will be satisfied, and he will be exempt from punishment.
For example, if the mother asks the child to wear a blue coat, the child actually wants to wear a pink coat in his heart, but in order to cater to the mother, the child will choose to compromise and agree to wear a blue coat.
This method seems to be the best choice, but in fact, the child will slowly lose the ability to think and act independently, and develop a dependent personality, which is not beneficial to the child's personality growth.
The second way: rebellion
"You are not qualified to demand of me, and I will not do what you ask" is the inner monologue of the rebellious child.
Rebellious children have a strong personality, they have independent thinking, do not like to be controlled and assigned, and will justifiably refuse the requests made by others.
My nephew is this type of child, and no matter what the mother proposes, the nephew's first reaction is to refuse. When his mother told him to go east, he was going to go west, fighting against the inertial thinking that had been formed by his nephew.
Confrontation is just an expression of one's position for the nephew, but there is no idea how to be a nephew after the confrontation.
Rebellious children often have this characteristic, even if they know that what they want to do is wrong or insist on going their own way, or they only know how to rebel against others but there is no feasible method in their own minds.
They have only one purpose, and that is to work against the strong mother.
In the long run, the mother's education will become more and more tired, and the child will become rebellious and uncontrollable, and the gains will not be worth the losses.
The third way: attack
The attack can be said to be an escalation of rebellion, the child has a strong feeling of anxiety and uneasiness in the heart, and the child will have aggressive behavior under the "guidance" of the strong mother.
This kind of attack is not necessarily an attack by force, but more of a mental and verbal attack.
"Mom asked me to change, then first mom herself has to change" is the inner monologue of an aggressive child.
The mother says to the child that I have paid so much for you, can't you study hard?
The child will say to the mother where I have not studied well, why do you look at me like a prisoner all day?
Look, you say me, I can say you. That's what the child thinks in his heart. Aggressive behavior is more likely to occur in adolescent children, because they are in the same stage at this time, and they want to become adults in their hearts, but many of their abilities are limited.
The same is true of the little boy above, every time his mother talks about him, he will attack and fight with his mother.
In this atmosphere, the child invisibly inherits the strong personality of the mother, and the influence of the original family can even be difficult to change throughout the child's life.
The fourth way: ignore
This method is the most easily overlooked but also the most heart-wrenching, because once the child forms a state of ignorance, it means that the parent-child relationship must have been greatly traumatized.
What the mother said the child completely ignored and ignored, this is the child's inner disappointment with the mother, the child refuses to communicate with the mother, and the two people are like a barrier, which is difficult to cross.
Some mothers will find that their children begin to become estranged from themselves after puberty and refuse to communicate with themselves, which is not a one-time thing, it must have been laid down long ago.
When the children grow up and even get married and start a family, the relationship between some children and their parents is cold and frosty, and it is rare to have a contact for many years.
This disregard comes with the original family, and the child's personality carries this cytokine in itself, which is difficult to change.
Strong mothers always demand that their children act according to their own wishes, depriving their children of the possibility of growing up freely and independently.
When a child grows to a certain stage, the seeds of his inner independence must break through the soil and take root, and this contradiction and conflict will cast a gray color on the family.
Try to let go of your strength, give your freedom back to your child, let the child have the right to speak, and you will find that the child actually grows faster!
I am Qiyue Mom, a mother of a three-year-old child, and I hope that some of my parenting experiences can be conveyed to you through the platform to provide a little help for your parenting road! You can follow me to learn and grow together!
I am @Seven Joy Mom, follow me and I talk about parenting easily together!
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