[Crooked Talk] Obscure middle-aged people recorded

Sitting and crying in the middle of the night.

Crying, probably six or seven years after graduation, still doing basic things, afraid of not having a job, wanting to jump ship and not daring

Crying, probably without savings and insecurity.

Crying, probably no object was urged to marry, forcing himself and strangers to maintain a lukewarm, lukewarm, temperatureless and high probability of no results, but had to keep forcing themselves to work hard, or they would not really be single all the time.

Crying, probably nowhere to express the emotion, there is no shoulder to undertake, feel helpless.

Really tired, very tired.

Now I often feel that if I had known to plan my life well in the early years, it would have been good.

I don't know what I've done over the years, it seems like suddenly 33 years old, suddenly becoming middle-aged?

Now I really feel completely without any direction. I was doing work that seemed safe and admirable to others, but I knew in my heart that I didn't want to stay in this small town that I had never liked before, and none of this was what I wanted now.

A person, not willing to stay so plain, or want to go out to see more, thinking that there can be various opportunities in life. I want to say that I choose to try it in a city near my home, and I really find my heart exhausted by casting a resume to find a job. Age is the problem, so is the change of career. Unlike when you were younger, there are countless opportunities for trial and error. Even if I keep telling myself that I'm still young and I'm still young, the reality is always there, always reminding myself that I'm not young anymore. Sometimes I really want to go back to my hometown and stay in a small town, find someone to marry and have children, stay by my parents' side, and live the rest of my life in peace and stability. Especially one day dreaming of my parents staying at home alone, this feeling was particularly strong during that time.

But after calming down, I still felt unwilling. Still not willing to give in to this compromise, or want to make another effort for yourself. Time really does not wait for people, day by day has never stopped, I am still struggling with what kind of life I should choose...

Modern people are so sad that there are no people who can speak, and they want to come here to vent their emotions.

Only when you feel that money is difficult to earn will you cut it

It turned out that when my parents went to work and went to school by themselves, they always felt that their parents were very thrifty. When I first went to work, I had no sense of saving money, how much to earn and how much to spend. Now that I have to raise a family and raise a baby, I feel what it means to make money and is hard to eat... I also slowly reduced my desire to buy, except for spending money on my children, my teammates and I hardly spent much. On the other hand, parents, although some living habits are still quite economical after retirement, they are much better than the original. I really understand that it is not easy to raise a family and raise a baby, and saving is forced out by life.

After all, it became the generation of parents

Tonight we quarreled and wanted to get a divorce

A year after marriage, the child is 6 months, postpartum depression, now I want to divorce my husband, the other party did not want to leave before, now I am very angry that I want to give me the whole child, fucking angry to die, the child has been in my upbringing, I am in the belt, I do not leave the belt for 24 hours, fuck why does he have a face to fight for me to fight for the child, now both of them have no money in their hands, but also threaten to fight a lawsuit, to fuck

Is it really divorced, he will also hold the child after work, will cook, let him mop the floor will also mop the floor, currently earn not enough to pay off the mortgage car loan, my own expenses my mother gave, may have been in the heart of this imbalance, may also be because of the feeling that he can not meet my requirements for the status quo, resulting in him is very dissatisfied, very hostile, want to divorce, to the divorce after life is not ready to face how to face, after all, I myself am not yet at work, full-time with children

I don't know if it's because I have too high expectations for marriage, or Whether I think that the postpartum division of labor between men and women after marriage is too unfair, I give up too much of the unfair psychology caused by it, I am full of dissatisfaction and disgust for my husband and even men, I don't want to use other men to be worse, or other men are also like this to comfort themselves Marriage is like this, this is not the married life I want, I feel that we both have no common language, I really regret marrying him.

The cousin is gone, and the good people don't get a good death

Has always called him the eldest brother, the three sons of the uncle's family, when I was a child, the adults always said that they wanted to give me to the uncle as a daughter, the uncle's family was well-off, before moving out, the family has always been a commissary, when I was a child, I have been fascinated for a long time. Now it seems that even people from well-off families sometimes have a hard time living this life. After graduating from junior high school, the eldest brother went south to work, and after stumbling for a few years, the family spent money to entrust the relationship to get a job in the slaughterhouse in the town, which was also a fixed job in the eyes of the villagers with their backs facing the loess. Thanks to the famous industriousness and generosity of his uncle and aunt, the eldest brother has a thick personality and a short head, but he also married a tall, beautiful and intelligent sister-in-law after some twists and turns. After marriage, my brother and sister-in-law have sweet feelings, and after the little niece is born, she is smart and clever, and we all love this little girl who is pink and jade. The sister-in-law was beautiful but practical and capable, and soon after marriage, they moved to the town, and the cousin at that time should be envied by many people. When my cousin's son was born in high school, I went to see my sister-in-law during the summer vacation, and my sister-in-law was very happy to hold the baby in the month, but the eldest brother was much more vicissitudes than before. On the way back to listen to my mother, the work in the slaughterhouse is too hard, the eldest brother is young and the lumbar spondylosis is serious, the work is probably not guaranteed, the child is small, and it should be very hard in the future. Thanks to the hard work and wisdom of the sister-in-law, the sister-in-law soon set up a stall selling daily necessities to subsidize the family after the confinement, and the eldest brother also embarked on the road of going out to work.

For more than ten years, the eldest brother has been rolling around in various cities in Shandong, Guangdong, Sichuan, and Jiangxi, because there is no education, people are loyal and honest, and the work they do is also a living road of assembly line workers and construction site workers, and the hardships in between are self-evident. A pair of his sons and daughters, also in these years from a child, a baby, finished elementary school, junior high school, high school, daughter into a good university, son is still in high school. One day last year, I accidentally learned that my eldest brother was working as a security guard at a school near where I was teaching here, and I was a little surprised in my heart, so I rushed over to take a look. The eldest brother is still as thick and honest as ever, not much to say, silently working, but the wrinkles on his face in his forties are much more than those of others. He was also very happy to see me, and he was very satisfied with the job between the languages, with a salary of 3,800 a month, food and accommodation, and a simple and easy job. When I went back that day, my eldest brother sent me far and wide, and I will never forget this picture. At the beginning of the next semester, I went to the school where my eldest brother worked again, chatted with several uncles in my hometown and learned that (there are several uncles in my hometown who are also in this school), my cousin was dismissed from the school, maybe it was not opened in time, maybe he was not good at Mandarin, often could not understand what others said, and the people he said were difficult to understand, maybe it was the shift he forgot... In short, he used to be a butcher who slaughtered pigs, and indeed he was not as flexible as others... I did not dare to interject on the side, but I could not help but feel a little sad in my heart, and the big brother who was optimistic and generous all his life was so difficult in middle age. And it is precisely because of this time that the job was fired, hastening the death of the eldest brother...

After being dismissed, the eldest brother immediately began to try other jobs after returning, but it was not long-lasting and it was not smooth. In the Spring Festival of 2022, I overheard that there is a place where you can learn welding, and you can do the work of welding after writing, the eldest brother is very excited, and immediately began to call and contact. Later, listening to the description of the adult, he did not learn slowly, and after learning, he began to do welding and other tasks. The accident was in Jiujiang, Jiangxi, and at first I didn't know why the eldest brother would rush so far from Hubei, the only answer was to go wherever there was a way to live. One day on March 31st, he was welding the stairs for an owner, and he didn't know whether it was long-term fatigue or the blinding light of the welding that caused him not to see his hand slip and fall from a high place... Then hurriedly learn about his life. Once, he was also a spirited young man, he also had a happy family, a wife with deep feelings, smart and lovely children, the first to move out of the countryside, and a stable job... He is also a person who has been envied by others!

Later, the heavy burden of life was on him, he had a pair of children to raise, elderly parents and in-laws to provide for, his body was overdrawn, and his work was not smooth but he was still trying to run... Why isn't he one of the ordinary middle-aged people?

I am a crooked-necked monk

Generally speaking, people think of me as a kind fat man who can tell two jokes

This is a self-talking public account

Thank you for your interest

May I be able to start from one end to the other

May the king be able to be inclusive