Author/Child
In real life, after marriage, the in-laws are basically a woman's second home. For the vast majority of families, after two people get married, the focus of life will always be biased towards the in-laws.
Not every family, after marriage, can have enough conditions for two people to move out alone.
At this point, some problems arise.
As a woman, suddenly going to a new family life, you need to adapt to the habits of different people, and you will also worry about whether you are not used to it, after all, when you were in your mother's house, the attitudes of your parents and in-laws will definitely be different. Even if the in-laws say that they should treat their daughters-in-law as daughters, but in fact, if you think about it a little, you know that this is impossible, everyone is saying kind words, just listen to it, and when necessary, return with the same politeness.
If you believe it, then it is easy for you to live with expectations after that, and the sense of gap will only get bigger and bigger.
And a woman went to the in-laws' family life, personal confidence is very important, at this time with the in-laws to get along, to put it bluntly, there are many similarities between people, outsiders' attitude towards you, must have a certain relationship with your personality, comprehensive strength, etc.
To put it bluntly, a woman's biggest confidence in her in-laws' family is not money, but these three things.
01. Husband's respect;
In the marriage relationship, as a woman, your husband's attitude towards you can basically determine his family's attitude towards you.
If your husband respects you, loves you, and puts you in a very important position, then his family will naturally respect you accordingly when they see this phenomenon.
Vice versa, if he does not respect you, or even often does something to hit you, in front of your parents and relatives, say something slanderous to you, then to a large extent, his parents are also easy to become more serious, even more disrespectful to you, and even some parents, may still think of taking a breath for their sons.
Anyway, there is no doubt about it: his parents must be on his side.
I know an older sister who had a deep understanding after marriage.
Originally, her in-laws were quite picky people, when she went to her in-laws' house for the first time, after meeting her in-laws and her family, they evaluated her on the table, and also said some bad things, saying that she was not tall and so on.
Her husband, who had been a good-tempered person at home and had always been a gentle personality, ended up throwing a tantrum directly at the table, presumably saying that this was someone he had identified as his own, that he was going to get married, and that he didn't want them to discuss it like that.
At that time, everyone was stunned.
Later, she has always had a good relationship with her in-laws after marriage, and her mother-in-law respects her very much, and she naturally respects her mother-in-law, which she thinks is caused by her mother-in-law's good personality. After two years of marriage, her eldest sister-in-law told her about the incident and said that our family could feel it, and my brother really loved you.
She instantly understood that the friendly attitude of her husband's family to herself was based on her husband's attitude.
She also feels that she is luckier, and her husband has a firm attitude to directly help her avoid all the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and some family problems after marriage.
02. The ability of individual independence;
Being a person, no matter at any time, the ability to be independent and autonomous is something that others can't take away, so it is very important.
Anyone who has it is not as good as you have it yourself.
Especially in the marriage relationship, you yourself have the ability, have a stable job, and have the income to support yourself and even your family, then your position in the in-laws' family will often be more indestructible at this time.
At the same time, you yourself will also feel a sense of certainty from the heart, you will not suffer from gain and loss, do not have to deliberately please anyone, and do not have to worry about in case the marriage is not smooth, you will be willing to seek perfection in the future, this mentality will make you more confident in the marriage relationship, and the aura is more powerful.
And these things of yours can be seen by outsiders, and your in-laws can certainly see them. If nothing else, at this time, the higher your comprehensive value falls in the eyes of your in-laws, the higher their respect for you, the greater your right to speak, and the more weight your suggestions will have.
This is actually in line with the basic principles of interpersonal communication.
No matter where you go, the value of the individual is the foundation of the quality of life.
03. The strength and cultivation of the mother's family;
As far as women are concerned, when you get married, the strength and cultivation of your mother's family are actually your strength, of course, you may not need your mother's family to come forward in most cases, but your mother's family is also one of the embodiments of your personal comprehensive ability.
In the eyes of all outsiders, including your in-laws, there is no doubt that your mother-in-law is your backer.
Just like in "The Biography of Zhen Huan", the initial titles of all the women who entered the palace, as well as the degree of favor, were basically related to the official position of their mother's father. This is true of the royal family, which is revered, and ordinary people are no exception.
Human nature has always been like this.
A woman whose mother's family is not easy to mess with, and also has a certain strength, when the in-laws do some things, they will also weigh their own weight, do not dare to act rashly, and dare not blindly offend their daughter-in-law. Because in real life, there are really such people, and there are many, not a simple individual phenomenon, will pick soft persimmon pinch, is to bully the soft and afraid of hard.
Once, a girl complained to me that she was married out of the house, and the conditions of her mother's family were not very good, and she did not want her parents to worry, so she did not tell her parents at home, purely reporting good news and not worrying.
Her in-laws' attitude towards her after marriage was relatively bad, which made her especially regret that she had married far away for love. She personally heard her mother-in-law telling the old man in the neighbor that anyway, she was a person from out of town, and her mother's family could not manage her, she was the eldest in this family, and her son still had to listen to her after marriage.
Of course, for most ordinary people, most of the mother's family is also an ordinary family, the biggest wealth at this time is definitely the degree of attention of the mother's family, parents love their daughters very much, hope that she has a good life, this concept falls in the eyes of the in-laws, naturally also understand what it means, if it is not good for the daughter-in-law, the family will not give up, which will subconsciously make them pay more attention to the daughter-in-law, but also more respect.
Whether you admit it or not, that's often the case.
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