How are the first batch of people in China who have flash marriages doing now?

Flash marriage generally refers to the fact that couples get married quickly within a short period of time after falling in love. In the 20 years since this marriage phenomenon went from rarity to prevalence in China, people have always praised it differently. Even in 2021, in a survey of college students conducted by Chinese University, only 9.95% of college students supported flash marriage, while as high as 44.26% were firmly opposed to flash marriage.

In the flash marriage topic we launched in the first two weeks, reader @ Tianyuan said, "'Young people flash marriage' is a pseudo-proposition", his peers around him are in love for more than one or two years before entering marriage, but the father's post-60s and post-70s crowd has a shorter love time. Some readers have also @Leon used their personal experience, "20 days of flash marriage, but the divorce took more than two years" to persuade everyone to marry cautiously. Reader @xi Sayi xi said that "flash marriage represents a weak rebellion after being suppressed" and that the freedom of flash marriage "is both a right granted by law and a way of expressing oneself." ”

So how are people who chose flash marriage 20 years ago doing now? Is this a lifelong romance, or an adventure with a lot of intentions? Three women who flashed marriages around 2000 shared their stories and insights with us.

"After the flash marriage,

I spent five years tinkering with my family."

In 2000, when I was 28 years old, I met my current husband for two and a half months and then flashed into marriage.

Until the age of 22, I was a particularly obedient type, and my parents did whatever they said. But after the age of 23, the wayward side showed itself. Before, my life and work were arranged by my family, but I felt that love could not be done.

2000 is not like now, advocating freedom, no age anxiety, "girls get married is their own business", at that time who dared to think so, others urged, you have to endure. I had also been on blind dates many times at that time, and once I had reached the point where the parents of the two sides were talking about marriage, and I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night before the two sides met, and I suddenly retreated. The next day as soon as the hotel opened I canceled the reservation, and after going home to tell my parents, my dad wanted to hit me for the first time in more than 20 years, but he didn't get down and kept smoking and smoking several packs in the afternoon.

Later, I asked the man to dinner once, and unexpectedly, he said that he thought I was quite brave, and he didn't feel anything about me, but after this incident, he was a little impressed with me. So I think that in those days, everyone was conscious of their love, but it was particularly difficult to complete these things at their own pace.

Since then, I have become more determined that I must marry someone I like. My parents and others described me as "having an idea of my own," which was not a good thing at the time.

After that, I knew my current husband, I knew him at work, and he came to visit us on a business trip. Me and I, in the words of your little youth, just saw the right eye for that feeling. In the last week of his business trip, we decided to be together, and even if we had to go off site, I felt that there was nothing, it was a problem that could be solved, and everything went naturally.

It should be two and a half months to three months to propose marriage. I decided to go to his city and felt that it could be better developed there. To put it bluntly, it is to marry far away. My mom cried for a long time and said I was confused, and my dad kept smoking and thought it was irrational for me to give up a stable life job and devote myself to marriage.

In fact, I fully understand their concerns, and I am also afraid of marrying far away, afraid of giving myself to marriage so quickly. However, the flash marriage has nothing to do with time, the key is that you want to understand several aspects of this person, have you learned? I spent the night thinking clearly, I wanted to know almost everything, and I had reached the standard of trying it.

The process of flash marriage was full of obstacles, and my father said that I would break off the father-daughter relationship with me when I left home. But I left anyway, and no one sent me when I left. After more than half a year, my mother softened her heart and began to contact me, but my father and I were always stiff.

The next year, when the wedding ceremony was held, only my mother came. Standing on the stage at that time, I turned my head and cried, and everyone thought that I was moved, in fact, sad, because I felt that my father was not there at the most important moment in my life, which was very wronged. That was the first time I regretted it because of the flash marriage, not because my husband was not good to me, but because I felt that when I flashed the marriage, I didn't care too much about my parents' feelings and didn't handle the relationship with my father.

About the third year after marriage, having children, my father began to contact me. I came home once in the fourth year and didn't talk much to them. In the fifth year, my husband and I went back for the New Year and didn't tell my dad in advance. He came out of the house at the time, a little surprised, and said, "Coming back," just like when I came home from work before I got married and he came out of the house. I was crying. My dad came over and patted me and said, just come back. We finally reconciled.

For the matter of flash marriage, I can't talk about suggesting it, because I have also watched a lot of stories of flash marriage being cheated and not having a good life. All I can say is that I'm lucky in love, and the flash marriage partner is the right person. But while breaking through the barriers that prevent you from running towards marriage, don't hurt those who love you, I think this is what you need to understand in flash marriage.

"After flash marriage to a blind date,

Ex said he would never forgive me."

I flash-married a blind date I had known for four months in 2003.

There was no obstacle from their parents when they were married, because they were introduced by their parents and were their friends' sons. I thought it was quite appropriate myself, so I married.

The biggest obstacle was my predecessor at the time. I talked about the relationship with the previous object for more than two years, in fact, I did not mention marriage at that time, and the parents of both sides have met and acquiesced, but their family has been dragging on not getting married. He said his parents thought I was a bit older, but I was actually just 26 at the time, so when he said that reason, I really cried and laughed. In fact, he and I both knew that this must not be the real reason, but he didn't say it again, and I didn't ask again.

Later, we began to argue frequently about getting married, and the last time we quarreled because of this matter was to break up. I remember very clearly, when I was downstairs at my house, I told him to go up and talk to my parents again, and he didn't want to go up, for fear that my parents would nag him and urge him. I was immediately angry, and said a word, it is not because your family has not moved for a long time, how to become my parents nagging. He was also very angry, saying that he would let me wait and say who else I could marry if I didn't wait.

I have remembered this sentence for many years. Later, I was more conservative and inferior in my blind date and feelings, and I always felt that I was not good enough, probably because of this sentence.

We broke up that day. After a month or two, my parents began to introduce me to blind dates, and I did not reject it, thinking it was good to know new people. Unexpectedly, he heard that I had started a blind date, came to me, and stood downstairs in my house for one night, wanting to get back together. I was a little impressed, but I felt that it should not be better after marriage, so I made it clear to him that we could not do it.

Later, I met my current husband, met several times, felt good and confirmed the relationship. When I was four months old, he proposed to get married, and I was very calm, I couldn't talk about how much I liked it, but I also had some feelings, my parents were friends, I knew the roots, and there was nothing to hesitate. In addition, it is itself rushing to get married, and the things that both sides are getting married are almost ready, so after mentioning the date of the kiss, we will go to the evidence that week.

After the ex-boyfriend knew, he came to my house in the middle of the night to drink too much and slammed the door, accusing me of how I could give up our relationship for many years. Later, he made trouble two or three times, and his parents even came to my house with gifts and wanted my parents to help persuade me. My parents didn't care about this, after all, their family used to drag on the matter of not getting married, and they all looked at it.

I didn't call him for the wedding ceremony, but he came by himself and got drunk. I haven't been in touch much since.

To be honest, at the time, I really didn't like my current husband as much as I did with my ex, and who wouldn't want to spend a lifetime with someone they liked when they were younger. But then you will find out that many things are not two things. Flash marriage to the right person, is a flatter choice, give up the trouble of tearing for feelings, but also lose the yearning for love, everyone in the less two-pronged ending to choose one can make themselves happier.

I've also regretted it because of flash marriage. There will be moments when you feel that marriage is rushed, and there are inappropriate points in your personality. But so many years have come, and the two people have cherished each other more, which I think is also a kind of luck.

"Ten years of marriage in flash marriage,

I was only happy for a year."

I flashed marriage in 2001 and then divorced around 2011.

Flash marriage is also because of the so-called love bar. My ex-husband was really handsome when he was young, and I jumped in, despite my parents' objections, and got married after about three months of acquaintance.

But my ten-year marriage will be happy for a year. It was the year we first got married, we were really happy to the extreme, and the two of us slept hand in hand, but the next year everything was like a sharp turn.

The next year I got pregnant. About three months pregnant, I obviously felt that he didn't care so much about me anymore, and the whole person was very worried. Later he showed off with me, said he didn't want kids, and said a bunch of reasons. But I also told him very seriously that the child was going to be born. And our conditions are really not so tight, just work together, he is silent.

I later learned that his parents lost a lot of money in business in the early years, owed a bunch of debts, and he was the only son of their family, so he naturally carried the debt, so he would say that it was not suitable to have children now.

My first reaction when I found out was to get a divorce right away. But his parents came to my house and cried and begged me that this was their debt and would not affect us, and that I was pregnant now, so how could I get a divorce. They taught my ex-husband in front of me that children should be born and not to delay our lives because of their fault.

I was really touched at the time, my parents felt that they were pregnant, as long as the debt really did not affect us, then live that life. But then I felt really naïve, his savings were actually used by his parents to pay off debts, and their family had been lying to me.

The feelings of flash marriage come and go faster. By the fourth year, the two men had little affection. We've been going our separate ways for so many years. He didn't care about the children either, he just had no feelings for me. During this time, I tried to save it, and he tried to save it, but found that everyone wanted it to be different at all, and then they all gave up. Maybe there is not enough understanding of the foundation, everyone is initially interested in each other's surface. Those things are most easily diluted by time, and there is nothing left in marriage.

So in fact, the divorce is very calm, and I want to end the unexpected feeling of ten years ago. On the contrary, after the divorce, we reconciled, and the two of us would eat with the children and occasionally exchange information about the children. My parents also asked me if I wanted to remarry, but we both knew that we had no love for each other anymore. Love for a while, and marriage, after all, are still two things.

Now we are all one person. In fact, I am also satisfied, my daughter is very sensible and understands our situation. But I still occasionally blame myself and regret it because I rushed into marriage without seeing clearly whether it was appropriate, leaving my daughter without a complete home. I sometimes feel sorry for myself, feeling that my best time has been delayed by this immature marriage.

But I don't know what to do. The enthusiasm and firmness of the flash marriage is real, and the regret and emotion after the separation are also true.

Interview: pp