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Liang Yong'an after 50,
He is a professor in the Department of Chinese of Fudan University.
Also a web video blogger,
His video lessons,
Walk into the true love and life of young people,
Talk about the understanding of the marriage and love of young people after 90 and 00,
Welcomed by millions of young people on social media,
An episode alone reached 4 million views.
Liang Yongan interacted with young people near Fudan University
His interpretation of love can be described as "frequent golden sentences":
"Two people fall in love, they inspire spirituality, and life lives."
"Now people's ability to break up is far greater than their ability to love."
"In the face of love, think about it a lot, and it will be overgrown."
"It's getting harder and harder to fall in love now,
It is mainly men who do not adapt to the increasingly strong modern women. ”
"People with single convictions are more likely to meet a soul mate"
……
At the beginning of August 2021, Liang Yong'an came to a guest,
Talked to us about love and marriage.
Written by Chen Qin, responsible editor Chen Ziwen
Mr. Leung was interviewed in a studio
At seven o'clock in the morning, we saw Liang Yong'an in a studio. Wearing a red striped shirt, he has a thin body and a bulky backpack, and whenever he goes out, he will bring a SLR and shoot as he goes, capturing the changes in the rivers and clouds.
Liang Yong'an is 67 years old. He has been at Fudan University for more than 40 years, when he resumed the first college entrance examination, and he was the only student recruited by the department of Chinese of Fudan University in Yunnan Province. Since then, I have been studying and teaching, and have been dealing with literature and film, and pondering "love" in it, an ancient human proposition.
"Why should there be love when people are alive?" Where does love land? ”
When he was a student, Liang Yong'an began to think about this problem. He always believed that the highest value of man is freedom. And love is the highest freedom of man. In the macroscopic social framework, human survival is full of various limitations. The birth of love, however, is the simplest pleasure and the deepest happiness, it is a breakthrough in limitations.
But today, it's getting harder and harder to fall in love.
In 2017, because of a speech on "How Do We Face Love in the Golden Age of Singleness", he began the popular "Teacher Liang's Love Class". On the B station, he opened a personal channel and began to share the video of the love class. Many young people benefit from it, mainly post-80s, post-90s, and even post-00s.
In Liang Yong'an's view, our era is in transition, and contemporary young people no longer need the love of the traditional male and female weaving-like family affection and grace model, but they have not yet reached the "covenant of the heart" of spiritual symbiosis.
"There is no village in front, no shop in the back." In the drifting environment, intricate information makes young people more and more dilemma in the face of love.
Therefore, Liang Yongan advocated, "Today's young people must have a particularly firm belief in singleness." That is to say, a person who does not depend on others can also live well in the world. First find the landing point and value of your own life. In this way, upwards, it is possible to meet a soul mate. Down, you can also meet very kind lovers.
Stills from the movie Out of Africa
Toward the end of the interview, Liang Yongan mentioned a story from the novel "Out of Africa". When the protagonist travels to Kenneuve, he carries several carriages of things and feels that everything is a necessity. After 17 years, she left Africa with only a few books left for her by her lover.
"Love itself is actually two people working together to experience the life they love in this world. It's simple, it doesn't need that much. Liang Yongan said.
Q: One
A: Liang Yong'an
Q: What do you think is the main confusion of young people today when they face love?
A: I think invisibly, there are some calculations, measurements. For example, my family is very well-off, good looking, or my degree is also very good, then I am with him, in the end is there a loss? When the other party is smooth, it is easy to do, and when it is not smooth, it will feel why should I be with him, I could have had a better life.
I have a female graduate student, her boyfriend is good, is not tall enough for her standards, she herself is one meter six eight, boys are about one meter six seven, a few months of anxiety for this matter, in the morning together on the head, three months to lose more than 20 pounds. In the end, she suddenly figured it out, made up her mind to be good with him, and once she figured it out, she ignored it, and then went all the way to marriage.
So the biggest problem we have now is thinking too much and weighing too much. I've always felt that love itself is a matter of seconds, and we sometimes think about it for years and consume a lot of things.
Two people in love is the natural part of the very compatible, very easy together, it stimulates spirituality, life is alive, right? This is the most precious, rather than considering some money more money less, status and so on. If you think about it a lot, you will turn your emotions into a sandwich, and you will be overgrown.
In the end, love is a very simple thing, it makes people's hearts become simple in an instant. The world has placed too much weight on it.
Liang Yong'an is on the Huangpu River
Q: There is a trend that more and more young people are willing to live a single life than falling in love and getting married?
A: Single capital is getting thicker. Especially the young people living in the first-tier cities, I am single, I can live a very happy, rich, can travel, can go to concerts. With so much capital in your personal singleness, you have to find a love that is happier than if you lived alone, and that is worth loving. Therefore, the increase in singleness, I think to a certain extent, is a progress in Chinese society.
At the same time, the cost of love and marriage is particularly high now, and it is not easy for a person to solve his own life, but also to solve the problem of being with others, a two-person world, it is not easy.
Q: Compared with their parents, how is the marriage and love of young people different now?
A: The happiness of previous generations, closely linked to morality and family, is a very direct thing. And our younger generation, in fact, is a drifting generation, leaving the original local and family model. You see a student who knows a lot of things at the age of 16 or 17, goes to college at the age of 18, is semi-social, and lives as a fragment. He grew up alone in this world, experienced things that Chinese had not experienced in the past, and the things he stored were very hard and very vicissitudes, and the vicissitudes were a good thing, not the logic of simply planting melons and beans before.
Elderly couple by the river
At this time, the original significance of marriage is very large. In such a big drifting world, there are two people who meet, especially together, they form a small world, the outside is turbulent, but the small world is very warm inside.
But the problem now is that you can't see the real person, because in the drift, all you see is a chance encounter, only see his present, can't see his past, it is difficult to see his future.
Q: Did you mention that today's men are increasingly unsuitable for women in this era?
A: I think it's getting harder and harder to fall in love now, mainly because men don't fit in with modern women.
In the past, women followed men, and her relationship with the world was separated by a man. In ancient times, women were prized for the highest-ranking and most capable men. For example, the title of the gold list, there are beautiful people who like you, including "The Tale of the West Chamber", which is like this, and the male protagonist always wants to take a meritorious name.
Now, the prize returns to the women themselves, and they can also reflect the value. After that, women are getting stronger and stronger, she can face the world directly, and some men can't adapt to such women for the time being.
Q: What are the typical problems of young people when they are in love?
A: Some love is together before it is time for love, and it is not clear the difference between like and love. I feel liked and happy, and I think it is love. Not really, it's just a mutual liking, right? Once in love, many people say what they should say, eat what they should eat, offer flowers, and watch movies that they should watch. Everything is there, forming a kind of everydayness, but the fundamental things inside are not solved.
True love requires a deep understanding of the other party, a deep confirmation of value.
Q: What kind of pressure do you think young people face in their marriage and love choices?
A: There is a lot of intergenerational pressure. We are now a transitional society, and our parents grew up in an agrarian social environment, and their idea of life is to be safe, wind and rain, the right door, try to live a little richer.
But now it is very pioneering, very much about a person's sense of freedom, which is very different from parents.
But many people voluntarily or are forced to give up this freedom, perhaps because of environmental pressure, parental pressure, or to reduce the anxiety of their own survival at the moment to fall in love and marry, and bring the problem to the back. I am worried that in another ten years, there will be a group of very painful and depressed middle-aged people after the 90s, and most of their lives have been paid.
Q: Why do you say that love today is a kind of faith?
A: In the past, love was daily life, and today's love is both life and a bit of faith. Because even the best love is full of conflicts and ruptures, I think that love itself is in a fluttering world to build a kind of confidence, without the persistence of faith-like love, without trust, it is easy to separate.
Q: When we love someone, what exactly do we love?
A: From a boy's point of view, a girl is beautiful, talented, and smart, who doesn't like it, right? It's natural that you like it, but it lacks specificity. You have to think about what you don't like, but you still love her, and that's the most important thing.
You have to love one of his inner characteristics, his pursuit of values, the characteristics of life formed in his life. Gradually comprehending the beauty of each other's lives, I think it is better. And many of us are not like this now, they love the advantages of the other party that they think they have, and these advantages are only in line with yourself in the end.
After being together like this, the final unfolding of life is different from what you originally imagined, and many of the daily temperaments of the other party suddenly appear, and you suddenly feel as if you are disappointed and easy to break.
Q: What qualities do we need to have to have a good love?
A: A person must have independence in this world, and must have the belief of being firmly single. This "single belief" means that you can live well without relying on others. You can take on life independently, you have the energy to send warmth to each other. What are its benefits? You may meet a soul mate upwards; you may also meet someone who is very kind.
The most frightening thing is to pin your life on others, and then hope that others will bear more, everything is an expectation of others, and transfer your own pressure out, so it is more troublesome.
Q: How to face the confusion in love?
A: It's good to be confused. A young man has no confusion in his heart, then he lives a very shallow life, there are so many intertwined and complicated things in this era, how should life go?
Only when there is confusion will there be thinking and exploration, and the confusion of two people can converge and communicate this confusion. Two people who love each other are often in this confusion, seeing each other, affirming each other, so that your uniqueness can finally become a creation.
Q: What should I do if my parents urge me to get married?
A: This is very natural, and the parents are also kind. This is actually a very warm side of ancient Chinese family ethics, because he not only urged you to marry, but also sacrificed his life to buy you a house and desperately create living conditions for you. You said that Meng Mu moved three times, for a school district room, how many parents are simply painstaking, and it doesn't matter if they suffer anymore.
In the face of marriage urging, the heart should be calm, do not worry, to have this ability, is to respect him, know that he has a good heart. On the other hand, to have an ability, that is, to resolutely not listen to him. Make some effort so that your parents can understand you, and he doesn't approve of your choice, but he knows that this is also a way of life.
Q: After breaking up, how should I face it?
A: Psychologically, the first month of a breakup is a high incidence of compounding. Once you break up, you still think about his good in your head, which is normal. Because at the beginning I thought about a lot of bad, I felt that this person was not good here, not good there, hated him to death, and the psychological shadow was still very large, but that was not necessarily not love. Once you will start to think that he is good, it is easy to do, it is already more relaxed, and this goodness will greatly reduce your pain.
In addition, if a person talks about his ex as a mess, it is a bit immature, why did you walk together in the first place? At least there is a level of liking, and there must be something in him that brings you warmth.
If you don't love, keep a goodness.
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