Ten years ago, a female doctor from Fudan University in Shanghai died of cancer, and at the end of her life, she left a 60,000-word life diary (dying diary), leaving a period of true understanding of life to the world with her personal experience of going to death step by step!
Everything in the world is beautiful, she told everyone with thousands of words and emotions:
Being alive is king! Only by living can you have the opportunity to see everything in this world, only by living can you feel sorrow, joy, cold and warmth, and only by living can you know what happiness is.
When you die, you have nothing left, and you will be wiped out! However, if you can't reach the end, you will give up halfway, and even if you have all kinds of ambitions, you will only have nothing to hate in the human world!
This female doctor with cancer is Yu Juan, her life diary has touched many people, she is dying, she is nostalgic for life, nostalgia for children as young as 3 years old, love for her beloved husband, and that enviable career... Finally, it was collected into a dying diary that realized the true meaning of life.
She is not a professional writer, but through her words, people can deeply appreciate her longing and love for life; this is not a deliberate rendering, but a sincere expression of the moment of death.
Just 10 years after her death, her husband Zhao Binyuan published a thought, which was even more tearful:
Ten years later, I still miss Yu Juan, her beloved bald head has not remarried, her son has become a bully, and Yu's mother has planted a forest in Shandong...
All this tragedy begins with the "cancer" that was diagnosed.
Why I got cancer
"Cancer," the near-death word, when it appears in people's lives, is almost synonymous with the advent of disaster.
When Yu Juan learned that she had been diagnosed with cancer, she once tore her heart and lungs out and asked the sky: "Why do I have cancer?" ”
Yes, although cancer is not far away from us, it seems to have always been someone else's business, why do you want to find me? I'm only thirty-one years old (diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2019)! I have children, I have husbands and elderly parents, I have many careers to do, and I have a lot of dreams to achieve.
But when she held the diagnosis in her hand, what else could she do but cry out in pain? At the moment when he just saw the god of death, even the strongest life would expose its fragile side.
A school bully who runs wild all the way
Yu Juan is a native of Jining, Shandong Province, and before she was diagnosed with cancer, the taste of happiness had always been the main theme in life. Her mother is working in the foreign trade department, her father is a professional cook, such a family, let her live a carefree life, and other people envy the mouth, father often cooks for her a variety of mountain treasures and seafood.
Yu Juan is a standard Shandong girl, with a cheerful personality, a big grin, not only generous and loves to smile, but also likes to drink wine in large bowls and eat meat in large mouths. Girls with this personality are very popular and always have a lot of friends around.
This bold girl also has a particularly competitive momentum, she has studied very hard since she was a child, and she has always been a bully in school.
Her IQ is very high, her memory is amazing, she once modestly said that she could not forget, but caused a boo of classmates around her, are you sure you are showing modesty? Yu Juan laughed loudly.
Xueba's luck was always very good, she was successfully admitted to Shanghai Jiao Tong University, and soon after, she met her other half here, Zhao Binyuan.
Zhao Binyuan was shocked by the boldness and cleverness of this Shandong girl, and Yu Juan was also quite interested in the polite and knowledgeable Zhao Binyuan, and soon after, the two fell in love.
After graduation, Yu Juan found a job in Shanghai, while Zhao Binyuan stayed at Jiaotong University to teach, and two young couples with high academic qualifications who graduated from famous schools will definitely have a good future in Shanghai.
However, the very strong Yu Juan is not satisfied with this, there are too many elite talents in Shanghai, in the past, yu Juan can be said to be proud of the crowd, but when she came to Shanghai, especially after going to the society, she found that she was just a fledgling undergraduate.
Yu Juan, who is so strong, decided to apply for the graduate school of Fudan University and continue to sprint upwards. This means that Yu Juan needs to work hard while studying, and Fudan's graduate students are not all available.
Originally, Zhao Binyuan was reluctant to let his wife work so hard, with the education and income of the two, he could comfortably seek good development, but he knew Yu Juan's personality, and the things he identified must be fully realized, which also made him very admirable. Therefore, in the end, Zhao Binyuan chose to support his wife to study for graduate school.
Shanghai is known for its fast pace, and Yu Juan is busy working during the day, but after a hurried dinner every day, she immediately throws herself into intense revision. According to her, she hardly slept before the wee hours of the morning, and most of her energy was devoted to studying.
Again, Fudan's graduate students are not admitted to anyone, nor can they be admitted casually. Although Yu Juan has a good foundation and a high IQ, she still failed in her first examination.
However, she is a person with a big heart, and this failure is only a small setback. She was a person who did not accept defeat, and soon after she continued to devote herself to the review, Fudan graduate student, she was determined to win.
The first time she failed to pass the examination, Yu Juan thought that her effort was not enough, so she put more energy and time into the review, and most of these times were in the evening, in the middle of the night, staying up late became a daily routine in her life.
Heaven is fair, the efforts will give you the rewards you deserve, Yu Juan fought again, and finally passed the pass and was admitted to graduate school.
Later, she won the public study quota in Fudan and got the opportunity to study at the University of Oslo in Norway, which is the most reputable comprehensive university in Norway.
During her studies, she also saved a sum of money for her parents to travel to Norway and accompanied them to enjoy the pleasant "Norwegian Forest". There, she had made a wish to move the Norwegian forests back to her hometown.
I just didn't expect that an originally good wish would eventually become a last wish.
Even though she had achieved her goal, she still did not stop desperately, and she had greater ambitions and higher goals.
Yu Juan received a master's degree from the University of Oslo in three and a half years, and was admitted to Fudan University for a doctorate, and later stayed at Fudan University to teach.
Later, they had their own son, Little Potato!
Supposedly in her early thirties, to be able to climb to this height, she should be able to slow down and relax. But she didn't, and she hoped to be rated as an associate professor within three years, a goal that even her husband, who was an associate professor, was shocked.
However, a strong life needs a strong body to support, and Yu Juan's body has long been overdrawn, but she has not been aware of it.
Sooner or later, the "notice" will come
In September 2009, Yu Juan began to feel some discomfort in her body, and she always had back pain. However, at that time, the specific cause of the disease was not found, and later Yu Juan's physical condition became worse and worse, and she gradually realized that she may have a serious illness, and at the end of the year, she was even sent to the emergency room for rescue.
At that time, the hospital suspected breast cancer and confirmed that her body had issued a strong alarm that she must immediately stop working and stay in bed for treatment, at which point Yu Juan and her husband realized the seriousness of the situation.
The day after entering 2010, they got the incredibly heavy diagnosis: advanced breast cancer!
The doctor told them that the bones of Yu Juan's whole body were already black, and that the systemic pain would continue.
The confident Yu Juan simply could not accept this fact, she had always thought that her body was very good, she could eat and drink, and could run and move. Usually not only is it very energetic to study and work, but there is no problem in taking children to do housework, how can I get cancer?
At one point, they even thought the hospital had made a mistake, but after repeated confirmation, there was no doubt that breast cancer was advanced.
The doctor privately told her husband Zhao Binyuan that Yu Juan's breast cancer had reached the fourth stage, the cancer cells had expanded to the whole body, and now even surgery could not help, and could only be barely maintained through drugs and chemotherapy.
Even so, the doctor most optimistically estimated that Yu Juan had less than two years left.
Although Yu Juan has a certain psychological preparation for this news, she still can't accept it, after all, she is only 32 years old, she still has a lot of things to do, there are still many dreams that have not been realized, her children are only 2 years old, and a happy life has just begun...
Cancer, why did it find me? Yu Juan has questioned Shang Cang more than once, but fate is merciless, and since it has come to you, you can't get rid of it.
Yu Juan, like ordinary people, was depressed for more than half a year after confirming that she had cancer. During those days, she was very lost and impatient, and the physical pain also made her state take a sharp turn, and for her situation, her family was anxious in their eyes.
Yu Juan was almost equivalent to a machine, running day and night, for the sake of career, for dreams and for her family. She always felt that she didn't have enough time, inch by inch, racing against the clock, as if this was her rhythm.
Stop and start thinking
But now, the cancer forced her to stop, to no longer study, to work, and not to stay up until the wee hours of the morning every day, even though it wouldn't get her back to health again.
In her spare time, she got a quiet that she had never had in her life, and she finally had the opportunity to start thinking. Start to seriously think about what people live for in this life, their own life is estimated to be coming to an end, what is the meaning of their own life?
Human language and perception are two very wonderful things, the life experience of predecessors, the most reasonable quotes, told us in plain language, we understand but may not be able to truly empathize; and once you have experienced it, thought about it, at some point you really feel that you have realized it.
While Yu Juan was recuperating in the hospital bed, another area of her brain began to come alive, and she began to think deeply about her life.
She was surprised to find that her once seemingly hard and successful self was so naïve, along the way, she didn't have time to look up to see where she was going? I didn't bother to stop and admire the wildflowers that quietly bloomed on the side of the road.
Life is like a journey, the important thing is not the end, but the beautiful scenery on the side of the road! This sentence is still in my ears, why did I not understand ten years ago?
"At what cost do we have to pay to recognize the meaning of living?" In her diary, Yu Juan sent out a soul-shaking question! To live is to live, and life is not only a good wish and a vision of happiness, but also has an unforgettable cruel side.
There is only one kind of heroism in this world, that is, after recognizing the truth of life, still love life!
Yu Juan, who had completely calmed down, gradually found that the world was really beautiful, her life was really happy, her heart was full of nostalgia for life, and she gradually realized that people are alive and what is the most important.
"At the critical point of life and death, you will find that any overtime (staying up late for a long time equals chronic suicide), giving yourself too much pressure, the need to buy a house and a car, these are all floating clouds." If you have time, spend time with your children, give the money to buy a car to your parents to buy a pair of shoes, don't desperately try to change into a big house, and be with the people you love, the snail house is also warm. ”
This is a passage written by Yu Juan in her diary, a "simple" reflection on the meaning of life, and also a precious treasure she left to the world. Because there are many people who do not know the preciousness of life, do not understand all things, only living is the king.
On April 19, 2011, 33-year-old Yu Juan completed the last day of her life, although she was reluctant to love life, she walked very peacefully, leaving her 3-year-old son "Little Potato" and her husband who was deeply in love with her!
Before yu Juan died, she had made a last wish to her mother, hoping to plant yellow trees in the mountains of qufu in her hometown and move the "Norwegian forest" back to her hometown, which was a dream that had haunted her for many years.
And her ashes were buried in a random place on the mountain, so that she could look at these mountains and these trees all the time.
After Yu Juan's death, her mother Su Ping engraved her daughter's will in her heart, and she returned to Qufu Jiuxian Mountain with her daughter's ashes in her arms, allowing her to rest in peace in this mountain forest.
Since then, Su Ping has changed her name to "Shuping" and planted yellow trees on this barren mountain land by herself. Huanglian wood is full of treasures, not only drought-tolerant and not competing with other crops for nutrients, which is one of the projects that Yu Juan investigated before her death.
The years are hurried, ten years, a fleeting pass, once bare mountains, now lush, Shuping contracted more than 20,000 acres of mountainous land, planted more than 100,000 yellow trees, but also developed dozens of acres of seedling base.
In Shu Ping's heart, her daughter never went far, she was on this mountain, looking at her every day, looking at these trees, watching the Norwegian forest grow up little by little in the mountains of her hometown.
Yu Juan did not do much business, but at the end of her life, she deeply thought about the true meaning of life and understood the meaning of living.
In fact, this is an invaluable asset, people are so busy that they have even forgotten who they are, where they come from, where they are going, whose parents you are, whose children you are, whose lovers you are!
What is even more touching is that 10 years after Yu Juan's death, Zhao Binyuan, her husband, who is already an associate professor at Shanghai Jiao Tong University, published an article: In the tenth year, I still miss Yu Juan.
He told his wife: For ten years, the bald head she loves (Zhao Binyuan) has not remarried, her son Xiao Tudou has become a bully, and Yu's mother has really planted a forest in Shandong...
Writing this, the author can't help but burst into tears... This is the most sincere love in the world.
Yu Juan's life diary was later discovered by a reporter, deeply moved by Yu Juan's feelings, and he decided to sort out these simple and unpretentious words, which were edited into a book with the assistance of Juan's husband Zhao Binyuan, and the name of the book was "This Life Is Not Completed".
Yu Juan did not think of publishing a book, but she really wanted to share her true feelings, she once wrote in the book:
"Writing these words, even if one person benefits, I will feel that I still have some value!"
Should we, who are in a hurry, stop and enjoy the scenery on the side of the road...
People's understanding of the world and themselves always has to be deeply understood through some profound things. Otherwise, we tend to see only superficial flashiness, mistakenly believing those that are everything and mistakenly thinking of those as having real value.
In her last period of time, Yu Juan could personally feel every day that life was passing from her body little by little, and this experience made her deeply feel the existence of life.
She told people on her deathbed:
Through life and death, you will feel that fame and power are very vain, especially the first name, to put it bluntly, it is nothing more than the talk of others after dinner.
Whether your reputation is known all over the world, it is nothing more than a momentary curiosity, and after all kinds of people spit on various mentalities, you are still you.
In fact, you have always been you, but when others talk about you, you forget who you are.
Yu Juan's life is short, hurried footsteps, so that she has not had time to see the beauty of this world, but at the last moment, looking at the 2-year-old child and her affectionate husband, she used all her strength to leave the most brilliant excitement of her life to the world.
Although this wonderful thing is only for a moment, like a meteor, it flashes by.
This flash that breaks through the long sky, but lets us see the brilliance and brevity of life, the ancients said:
Between the heavens and the earth of life, like a white colt passing through the gap, suddenly. Reading it now, if daigo is empowered, the original long life is so short, even ordinary life can shine his most wonderful light.
Yu Juan finally realized life in the end, at this time there is no regret in saying goodbye to this world, it still blooms, just like her poem: Momentary Fanghua!
One feast after another of life, the golden lanterns and flowers danced in the shadows, but they firmly believed that they were driving their lonely road.
Therefore, people in their early thirties do not know how much separation has been experienced, and there are countless births and departures, and there are also deaths.
They are all temperamental people, and after listening to the sentence "Let's go, let's go, people always have to learn to grow up by themselves" in the middle of the night, they can quickly adjust to their own unique world and find their own dashing and independence.
Therefore, if I really want to leave, I will be the one who calmly packs my bags, with a smile and peace, and I can't find the slightest sadness!
bibliography:
Jining News: Love gathers to realize Yu Juan's last wish "Norwegian forest" to take root in Jining
Youth Daily: Yu Juan left behind a death education
Phoenix Network Information: Fudan anti-cancer teacher died and left more than 70 "cancer diaries" will be published