1. When I met my first love at the classmate meeting, she took the initiative to greet me: "How old is the child?" "I said I wasn't married. The first love's face darkened: "Are you still waiting for me?" Don't be silly, I won't let you

1. When I met my first love at the classmate meeting, she took the initiative to greet me: "How old is the child?" "I said I wasn't married. The first love's face darkened: "Are you still waiting for me?" Don't be silly, I won't let you get mine. I sneered and ignored it. The class leader came over and said, "Old classmate, last time you borrowed me 3 million, can you pay it back next month?" "I said yes. When the first love saw this, she couldn't help but move closer to me and whispered, "You can still chase me now!" I moved to the side, "I won't let you get mine." After the first love left, the class leader came over and shook my hand and said, "Old classmate, I'm interesting enough.... Give you a long face. "I quickly pulled my hand away, this dead fat man has a crush on me for ten years, and his heart will not change.

2, the boyfriend brother once went to my house, at my house to eat, because I have something busy, so let him go first. Dad loves to drink, and by the time I got home, they had both been drinking for a while! I deliberately said, "Dad, who is this handsome guy?" Dad said, "Isn't that your object?" I said, "No, he's not back yet!" As a result, the father said happily: "This young man is not bad, dump your object and follow him!" ”

3. When I worked in a cotton mill, I had a girlfriend who was three years younger than me. The girlfriend is a typical Lolita, with a cute baby face, and she also talks tauntly. Since my girlfriend married me, every day when I came back from work, the doorman uncle smiled and said, "Girl after school?" And the wife replied shamelessly every time: "Hmm! "Now I'm holding my wife's hand and going out, and the downstairs neighbors are looking at me with strange eyes!?"

4, with a female colleague of the company is more intimate, everyone thinks that we are a couple, today when I am about to leave work, female colleagues appeared in front of me and asked: Brother, wait until I leave work to pretend that my boyfriend is going home to cope with my parents. I asked: How much money are you going to use to please me? Female colleagues said: The two of us talk about money more than outside, and then talk about money hurts feelings. Before I could say anything, the female colleague dragged me along and said: Help me with this, I will be thanked again in the future." I thought about the pros and cons and agreed to her.

5, quarrel with my wife, I volunteered to sleep on the sofa, in the middle of the night by my wife with water splashed awake, I was about to go mad, my wife tugged at my ear and pulled me up. The wife crossed her waist and stared at her eyes and yelled, you roll me back to bed to sleep, almost cheated by you, this sofa is more expensive than the bed in the bedroom! She kicked me in the towel and slammed me into the bedroom, and then she lay down on the couch with her pillow and quilt in her arms. So, the 1,000 yuan I put under the bed in the bedroom was finally saved, thinking about the 200 yuan under the sofa cushion, I finally realized that fish and bear paws can not be combined, in case there is a 50% chance, can get it back. At five o'clock in the morning, I was woken up by the sound and saw my wife sneaking out a handful of banknotes from under the right cushion of the sofa, visually measuring 5,000 yuan, which...

6. Dad bought 30 years of big music pitch, and finally planted a grand prize of 86 million yuan. He immediately bought a villa with a sea view, and today we are moving to a new home. I stepped on a stool to get the air conditioner on the wall, and suddenly the electricity leaked, and the electricity was not very big. I casually said to my dad: Dad, I was electrocuted. Then I heard my dad roar and kick me off the stool!

7. After I was expelled from Tsinghua after I fought with the principal, I transferred to Fudan to study. When they arrived at the new school just in time for the cleaning, the students were all working with sickles and shovels. I accidentally cut a hole in my foot and shed a lot of blood. The head teacher, an eighteen- or nineteen-year-old girl, was frightened when she saw it, and immediately took me to the nearby health center. But she couldn't run after a while, and she wouldn't let me go, saying she would bleed more. Dragged me all the way, and then the doctor said: How did you do it, how is the knee abrasion so serious!?

8, a rich man from India came to China to travel, got off the plane and booked a ticket back to India on the way to the hotel, and quietly left China without playing. After returning to India, the rich father asked his son strangely: "How did you come back when you first arrived in China?!" The son said with some trepidation: "It's not good, China is going to attack the mainland, the streets and alleys are posted with slogans, writing "print", "laser printing", "fast printing", door-to-door printing, 3D printing." If I hadn't run so fast, I'm afraid I wouldn't have seen you!" Father said: Thanks to the fact that you have learned a little Chinese before, thank you!

9. After graduation, I wanted to start my own business, and my dad gave me 1 million yuan of entrepreneurial chicken gold. I bought a shop near the high street and opened a fruit supermarket to sell fruit. On this day came a small couple, the woman picked up good things in payment, the man went out to drive the car, and the fire waited for the woman to come out. He peeled a lychee by hand, and he was about to eat it when he glanced at the woman. Take it in your hand and wait for her daughter to come out, and then give it to her girlfriend to eat. I watched and sighed at my first love, who expected a sentence to come from behind: There are bugs for me to eat?

10, to a strange big city to find a job, the job was not found, inadvertently found an Internet café, can only go in to open a member. Just sat down, across from them sat two men, a bald head, a knife scar face, playing a game of fighting. The two men singled out each other, slapping the keyboard while swearing and grinning, and making harsh remarks to each other. When the scolding was fierce, the bald man slammed the computer desk and said, "Go, there is a kind of going out with me to practice!" Scarface's man was also unambiguous, saying, "Just go!" Out of kindness, I ran to the bar and said to the boss, and reminded: "In case of an accident, I may be jointly and severally liable!" The boss looked at me strangely and said, "I want to fight early, they are getting off the plane." ”

11, a brother's personality is to love to brag, usually in front of friends to pretend. Drinking on this day, this buddy and we talked about what kind of wine they usually feel comfortable drinking. He listened for a moment and came to the spirit and said, "Old wight fuck! We listened, looked at him in surprise, oops! Foreign wine, I was immediately impressed. But I still came home at night and thought, "I'll go!" Isn't it just plain bullshit! ”

#Funny Moment# #年度搞笑名场面 #