Author: Mr. Crispy
Source: Mr. Crispy
01
Oswald Schwartz once said:
"An unhappy marriage is tantamount to living to hell."
A hot search a few days ago, this sentence was vividly interpreted.
On the 19th, Wang Moufei, deputy manager of the comprehensive department of Shaanxi Airport New Silk Road Trading Co., Ltd., and the surveillance video of his wife who was abused went viral on the Internet.
The man in the video first angrily hammers his wife back and forth on the head.
The hand was very fierce, and even jumped up.
The wife did not resist.
There was only one reason: she was still holding the child in her arms.
The child was so frightened that he cried and cried out to his mother in panic.
While bearing the heavy punch of her husband, the wife comforted the child: the baby is not afraid.
But the man was almost crazy, and he didn't care if he would accidentally hurt the child.
The wife wanted to get up and take the child aside, but she was pulled back by her husband.
Lock her throat and press her on the couch and beat her violently.
Not a single child with a couch high saw the situation and rushed up desperately.
He kept shouting bitterly, "Mommy! But he was ruthlessly thrown away by his father.
In the face of a tall and powerful husband, the wife has little ability to fight back.
Ran away again and again, and was caught again and again.
During this time, the child's grandmother also seemed to try to persuade, but it did not work.
Surprisingly, she ignored the dishes and chopsticks and walked away.
Crazy husbands, indifferent mothers-in-law, helpless children...
In the video of more than half a minute, every minute and every second is written of despair.
As soon as the video came out, it quickly attracted the attention of all parties.
Under the condemnation of public opinion, Wang Moufei's unit also gave him a serious warning and dismissal.
There are also netizens who pull out: domestic violence men usually look at Dun Hou honestly in the unit, only promises.
I didn't expect to go home and face my wife, but it was this face.
Just yesterday, the Xi'an Municipal Public Security Bureau announced the results of the treatment: the man who committed domestic violence was detained for 5 days.
The circular said that the woman who was abused by the family was also criticized and educated for "excessive words, which led to the escalation of the conflict".
At present, "the two sides have understood each other".
Perhaps in consideration of the reality of marriage, the wife has forgiven the abusive husband.
This reversal result also made netizens shout surprises: Is this marriage still left for the New Year?!
Everyone sympathized with the wife, and at the same time lamented that it was really "a poor person must have something to hate."
In this domestic violence case that began with anger and finally endured, what made me more distressed was another person.
It was standing next to it, crying and crying with tears in his heart, witnessing the whole child.
The man's fist, hitting the mother, landed in the child's heart.
Today's fear may become a bruise that can no longer be removed, and it will accompany his entire life.
02
Soon after, the suspected beaten wife also sent a long text in response to the matter.
He said that this was not the first time he had been abused by his husband.
The reason why I have never been divorced is because "my parents let me endure for the sake of having a complete family for my children."
This sentence is both familiar and regrettable.
Similar words seem to have been heard countless times:
"If it weren't for the child, I would have left her/him a long time ago."
How many parents are like her.
For the sake of a so-called complete family, to maintain the feelings of separation between each other.
But if we think about it, is it really right to continue a painful marriage for the sake of our children?
A scene by Xiao S in the variety show "Strange Life" made a deep impression on me.
A video of her third daughter's birthday party was released on the show.
This 6-year-old girl, facing the birthday cake, solemnly made her wish:
"I want the three of us, always and ever, not to get married."
Surprised isn't it?
Most children at such a young age should not expect the beautiful love of a prince and a princess in a fairy tale?
How can you be so pessimistic about marriage?
But if you have learned about The Marriage of Little S, you may not feel strange.
The husband is constantly lace and gossip.
Once she was drunk late at night and cried bitterly during the live broadcast.
The daughter carefully asked, "Did Daddy hurt you?" ”
They all say that marriage is a matter of cold and warm self-knowledge.
But don't forget, children, are also your witnesses.
You think your marriage has nothing to do with your children, and they don't know everything about you, they all see it in their eyes.
Even better than you understand your pain.
Keigo Higashino once said, "Many children with complete families end up living unhappily. ”
Whether a child is happy or not does not depend on the integrity of the family.
For children, the most cruel thing is not the divorce of parents.
Rather, a family is clearly in crisis and fragmentation.
But parents are still superstitious, so that families can make their children happy.
How many people don't know yet.
Growing up in a loveless home is a child's lifelong nightmare than being crippled.
03
In the documentary "Mirror", such a family was recorded.
The protagonist, Ozawa, is a violent problem teenager.
He had a very bad temper, and often when anger came up, he beat his mother.
But when it comes to his behavior, he not only does not feel that it is contrary to ethics, but even always has a face.
The problem, in fact, was with his parents.
Ozawa's father was a big macho man.
When he and his wife disagreed, they quarreled.
Whenever he was impatient, he would do something to his wife.
Growing up like this, Ozawa didn't feel there was anything wrong with violence.
Instead, I feel that this is a way to solve the problem.
Over time, like the name of this film, the father became Ozawa's mirror.
Children who grow up in a family that always outputs negative emotions are actually just two situations.
A kind of child like the beginning, in the face of parental quarrels, will cry, will make trouble.
That's because they love you, but it also means they're hurt because of it.
So they become more and more fearful, vulnerable, sensitive.
The other, commonplace, indifferent bystanders.
Eventually, like Ozawa, there will be psychological problems.
And either way, you have to lose your life to cure these things.
04
Psychologist Wu Zhihong wrote in "Why Love Hurts":
"Dad, mom and child are actually an emotional triangle.
Dad and child, mom and child, dad and mom this is that relationship is equally important.
Assuming that all three relationships are loving and harmonious, the child will form a very healthy pattern of love.
When he grows up, he will project this pattern of love into his love and family. ”
vice versa.
If a child grows up in an insecure environment.
Then when he grows up, it will be difficult to shape a good relationship.
The Island Moods band wrote a song called "Toys."
The author records the fears that the author felt from his parents' relationship.
The comments section of this song, I still dare not look closely.
It's full of heartbreaking stories.
Some people say: don't dare to get married. Because of the fear of meeting Dad, become Mom.
Some people say: Growing up in a domestic violence family, it is becoming more and more emotional.
Some people will not dare to fall in love with people from harmonious families because of their inferiority, because they feel out of place.
Some people will choose to hurt themselves because they are helpless to let their parents' quarrels end.
It's not just divorce that's devastating for children.
Living in a deformed, unhealthy emotional relationship for a long time can have far more consequences than you might think.
There is a problem in Zhihu: what you know when you grow up.
One of the answers was extremely heartfelt: "Since childhood, when my parents quarreled, my father would beat my mother." When I went to college, I learned that, it turns out, not every family is like this.
There is only one obligation in a person's life, and that is to learn to love.
There is only one kind of happiness in a person's life, and that is knowing love.
In the process of a child gradually becoming an adult, what is more terrible than not getting love is not understanding what love is, and thus losing the ability to love.
So, if there really are irreconcilable contradictions in the marriage.
Don't drag it out.
Remember, when something is broken, it is broken, and no matter how you repair it, the crack is still there.
We'd rather always remember what it looked like when it was its best, rather than reluctantly piece it together and hold on to the broken places for the rest of our lives.
05
I always agree with one point: marriage is slower and divorce is faster.
Marriage is slower because the meaning of marriage is to support each other and nourish each other, not to consume each other.
Thousands of things in the world can be accommodated, but marriage is not.
Sometimes, walking slowly is not a bad thing.
A lot of people are in too much of a hurry, really.
Sometimes we have to think about it for half a month to pick a dress, but it only takes a few days to pick a partner.
We can prepare for the college entrance examination for a few years and a job for more than ten months.
But when it came time to find a lifelong partner, it was so impatient.
But in fact, this is more important to you than a diploma, a job.
Who you marry and who you live with is really different.
What kind of partner you choose is actually what kind of way of life you choose for the rest of your life.
Divorce is faster because truly mature adults must learn to stop losses in time.
Mr. Yi Zhongtian said that if life is in the wrong direction, stopping is progress.
Marrying the wrong person, looking away, is not so terrible.
Adults are normal.
As long as you know how to get out in time.
Don't feel worthless for your previous efforts, because that's nothing compared to your later happiness.
If you love, love deeply, if you don't love, be decisive.
Remember, your marriage isn't just about finding a suitable partner for yourself.
You are also picking a qualified father, or mother for your child.
Only when you have a complete self can you give the next generation true freedom.
Light up [Like] + [Watch], zero tolerance for domestic violence, brave to protect yourself and the people you love.
Su Xin: Columnist. Racing in the workplace, but also love words. About the workplace, about life, about marriage, about women, I write my heart by hand. WeChat public account: Su Xin (ID: suxin98498). He is the author of "In the Hard World, Cultivate a Gentle Heart" and "Time is on the Left, Dust is on the Right".