1. Last night, my husband and I went to bed after taking a bath, and when we slept in a confused way, I suddenly felt that someone had locked my neck, and it felt like a hug, and I was struggling to die

1. Last night, my husband and I went to bed after taking a bath, and when we slept in a confused way, I suddenly felt that someone locked my neck, and it felt like a hug, and I struggled to the death, and finally woke my husband up. My husband let go of me and said that he dreamed of fighting with thieves, and I was sweating at that time, and I could still be in danger of my life this year!

2. At night, after work, I asked my daughter, "What about your father and sister-in-law?" Daughter: "They are in the house, Daddy wants to take off Auntie's skirt, Auntie doesn't want to, Daddy has to take it off, you can take a look!" I was shocked and quickly kicked open the bedroom door, which was empty. The daughter pointed to the kitchen: "There! "I ran to the kitchen with lightning speed and was about to get angry. I saw my husband pulling on my sister's apron and saying, "Quick, take off the apron, in our house, how can I let you cook!" ”......

3. It was snowing, I just got off the bus, and I slipped. I thought no one was seeing, but I felt like someone was lifting me up from behind. Turning my head to see that it was a handsome boy, next to him was a girl, and the couple helped me together, thanked me and left. I felt that my back was extremely desolate. Told my friend, my friend said, they must be a person can not help you... Suddenly I felt even more sad.

4. I scored 211 on the college entrance examination, and then I didn't go to college to work for a company that sold building materials. At that time, doing the work of carrying, that is, more than 5,000 yuan a month, including food and housing. Talking to a teacher that day, he said that there was a master in the company who saved money and spent more than 20 a month, and he spent more than 100 a month. I said, sometimes I have to spend more than 100 on a meal! Later he left, and I suddenly remembered the joke my mother said, my dad spent 100 yuan a year...

5. The daughter-in-law is like crazy these days, slimming, slimming face and rhinoplasty are used. Today she asked me beautifully: Husband, do you see that my face has become better? I glanced at it and pointed to my daughter without speaking. The wife thought for a moment and said: My daughter is a typical melon face. Do you mean that I am the same as my daughter, but also a melon face? I asked: You are her mother, do you know who Melon's mother is? Wife: Sunflowers, what's wrong... You're looking for a fight!

6. The daughter-in-law wants to fool her husband and leaves a note: I have had enough with you! I'm leaving! Then hide under the bed to observe the husband's reaction. The husband came home and saw the note, sang and danced, changed his clothes, and called: Baby, the ladies are finally gone, and it is really blind to marry her, you wait for me, I will go to see you immediately! Boom! Close the door and go! The wife did not expect this to be the case, grief-stricken, crawled out from under the bed, ready to pack up and leave home, watching her husband write under his own note: You idiot, I have seen your feet, I went out to buy you old brown sugar!

7. Dad looked out the window and sighed, "Crops, how many crops have been damaged by this hail!" The old mother looked out the window and sighed: "Vegetables, tomorrow's vegetable price is going up again because of hail!" The younger brother looked out the window and sighed: "Girlfriend, I am going to pick you up against the hail, you must be moved!" I looked out the window and sighed: "My car, you have been hurt by hail, the insurance company must pay!" The wife looked out the window and sighed: "Romance, holding your lover's hand and walking in the hail is so beautiful!" The son looked out the window and sighed, "Oh my God, how delicious would it be if sugar had been added to this hailstone!" ”

8. The female colleague opened Huabei for the first time, accidentally used 1.2 million, and finally I helped her, she married me without asking for a bride price. On her wedding day, she asked me in her wedding dress, "Honey, do I look good today?" Me: "Well, the whole has a feeling of willow and dark flowers." She was immediately happy: "You mean I'm beautiful, aren't you?" Me: "Another village, women!" ” 

9. When the abbot was forty-eight years old, the matchmaker brought 100 pictures of the girls for him to choose. Matchmaker: "What's going on here?" Abbot: "The legs are too long, waste pants." Matchmaker: "What about this?" Abbot: "Fingers are too long, waste gloves." Matchmaker: "What about this?" Abbot: "The face is too long, a waste of masks." Matchmaker: "What about this?" Abbot: "Hair is too long, waste of shampoo." Matchmaker: "What about this?" Abbot: "Well, that's not bad. So the abbot and the girl began to associate. On this day, the matchmaker met the abbot and asked him: "I heard that you are looking for a girlfriend, when will you get married?" Abbot: "What is the marriage?" Divided! Matchmaker: "Why?" Abbot: "I mentioned it, and after the interaction, I found out that her toes were too long." Matchmaker: "What are the toes?" Abbot: "Waste of socks!" ”

10. At that time, the girlfriend was only 19 years old when she married her husband. On the 20th anniversary of the marriage, the girlfriend thought that her husband would remember this meaningful day. In the evening, her husband said to his girlfriend: You know what? After a pause, the girlfriend thought happily that her husband finally remembered. Her husband then said, "I've raised you for 1 year longer than your father."

11. In high school, there was a girl in the class who had been admired for a long time, who was simply the goddess in my mind, and one day she asked me to borrow money and promised me that she would pay it back, but I was still hesitant. The goddess asked: What are the worries? I said: My mother said that the more beautiful the woman, the more she can't believe it. As a result, the goddess said: You believe your mother's words so much, it seems that your mother's appearance is really not ordinary.

12. After getting married, I bought a new house, and just moved in today, so I invited my girlfriend to come and see it together. I was afraid that my girlfriend would not see it, so I opened the window, picked up the big fluorescent red panties of my husband who was basking on the balcony, waved them while shouting, look here, look here. After a long time, many people downstairs came to watch. I didn't see my girlfriend stop their car. It also caused a group of big aunts to talk about it at the bottom.

13. Father: Did you steal twenty dollars? The son nodded, and the father slapped him twice! Son: Have you not eaten? The father changed into a stick and continued to fight, son: I see you don't want to live! The father beat his son half to death, son: I see that you have not eaten and took twenty dollars to buy a Snickers shelf for you to eat. My father took the snicker and ate it and fought harder.

#Funny##搞笑段子 #