1. The girlfriend is more pure, the acquaintance has stopped at kissing for a year, and finally once drank too much and lived together. When she woke up the next day, she looked at the tissues on the floor and angrily punched me in the chest: "

1. The girlfriend is relatively pure, and the acquaintance ends with kissing for a year, and finally once she drank too much and lived together. When she woke up the next day, she looked at the tissues on the floor and punched me in the chest angrily: "Have you considered my feelings?" My first time was gone, why didn't you wake me up? "Sleeper, should I tell her that last night she rolled up the quilt by herself, I can't pull it, I'm cold and runny nose, I use so many tissues?"

2. One of my wife's favorite clothes sold out, so she bought me a plaid shirt. After I put on my new clothes, my wife got angry and rolled her eyes at me. In the afternoon, I was walking by the small river with my wife in my new shirt, and I happened to see a beautiful big rooster and a not-so-pretty black hen foraging by the river. I exclaimed: Look how beautiful that rooster is, how ugly that hen is! My wife looked at me whitely when she heard it, and said: You see that rooster can't even lay eggs, and what is the use of not dressing beautifully!

3. On the weekend, Lei Lei was resting at home, and suddenly it was sleeting outside, and then there was a sudden power outage. Lei Lei was wearing shorts, no top, and went to the corridor to see the distribution box. Just after opening, a cool breeze blew over, and Lei Lei couldn't help but shiver. Just in time, Yu Ju just went upstairs and passed by, saw this scene, and kicked Lei Lei out more than a meter away. Finally he said: I thought you were electrocuted!

4. On this day, I accompanied my buddies on a blind date, and when we saw the girl, my jaw dropped. Girls are ugly, we both see a little do not believe their own eyes, how can there be a girl can look so ugly. The girls didn't look at the buddies, and the girls said: It's just that I'm not good enough to deserve you. Friend: It's okay, although you look ugly, shorter, next to you, full of pimples, and a little darker, but I don't mind at all. Then they got married.

5. After the college entrance examination, I was admitted to Sun Yat-sen University with a score of 730. In the evening, I returned to the dormitory after self-study to see a buddy writing an application for membership in the student union. Dude asked me, "What is the number of today?" Me: "I can't remember, you can't tell if you read the newspaper." The buddy picked up the newspaper and looked at it and said, "This is yesterday's newspaper!" I doubted the IQ of my buddies: "You're so stupid, just add a step to the date!" "Dude suddenly realized, and then neatly wrote "February 30th"...?

6. The district had a power outage, and I walked up the stairs in the dark. Just arrived at the 2nd floor, just like a woman bumping into a full heart. Before she could make a sound, I grabbed her and shouted: Wife? Just listen to her while patting her chest and saying: Scared the old woman to death. ay? Why are you sure it's me? I blurted out without thinking: Old husband and wife, I don't know it's you, and your size is still very recognizable.

7. This morning, late, I hurriedly rode an electric car to walk backwards on the path, only to be caught by the inspectors. I thought he would give me a ticket, but he actually asked me to write a check and send it to the circle of friends! I carefully asked: There are many customers in the circle of friends, can you send QQ to watch? Unexpectedly, he actually agreed, and said: It can be OK, but it must be more than 500 likes!

8. Go back to school, the distance is a little far, take a train of nearly ten hours. Halfway hungry, soaked a bucket of instant noodles, just about to eat, sitting on the opposite side of a big brother smiled and asked me: Sister, what do you taste? I was stunned for a moment, smiled and said: Spicy beef flavor. He listened, suddenly smiled and patted his instant noodle bucket, and proudly said: Let's this, seafood! I listened to my heart for a while, and I said that I was several grades higher than me... I said helplessly: Big brother, we are all eating instant noodles, can you not pretend!

9. The rich man and the female secretary went on a business trip together in a caravan, and the rich man immediately threw himself into the arms of the female secretary. The rich man felt particularly embarrassed and said, "I'm sorry, the brakes are not stable for a while." The female secretary directly grabbed the rich man's neck and roared: "What does it matter to turn off the brakes, get on the car for two minutes, you kick me 9 times!" What do you really mean? ”

10. The sister-in-law divorced her husband, afraid of being laughed at when she returned to the village, so she temporarily arranged to live in my house, lived for more than half a year, and did not expect that the sister-in-law was pregnant. After my mother-in-law found me, she said to me: Son-in-law, your sister-in-law's belly is now getting bigger every day, and you have more friends, just help her find an honest person like you. You help your sister-in-law find an honest person like you. I raised the corner of my mouth slightly, looked at my sister-in-law, and said to my mother-in-law: Good. "

11. A taxi driver carrying two men, on the way, two men took out kitchen knives to intimidate. The driver remembered that the car was equipped with an alarm device bought by the XX department, so he secretly pressed the alarm button. The alarm system immediately emitted a voice: "Comrade driver, your alarm we have received, the alarm center has used GPS, lock your vehicle!" ”?

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