As the saying goes, you raise me small, I raise you old, parents have the obligation to raise their children, children have the obligation to support their parents.
If parents fail to fulfill their obligation to raise their children, that is to say, they are born without raising them, and their children refuse to care about their later life, people know the truth, and public opinion will often side with them. However, parents have fulfilled their obligations and loved their children as much as possible, but their children have not the slightest filial piety, and they cannot say it.
Lin Zexu said: "If you have a bad heart, feng shui is useless; your parents are disrespectful and it is useless to worship god." ”
In real life, there is no shortage of children who lack filial piety. Some children are accustomed to reaching out to their parents, desperately squeezing the surplus value of their parents, and when their parents can no longer help them, they abandon their parents and even ignore their parents, and some children take the obligation to support their parents as a weight in exchange for benefits.
On the issue of old-age care, the elderly are best to make two-handed preparations, while relying on raising children to prevent aging, keep the interests in their hands, and leave a back road for themselves, in order to avoid the bleakness of the evening scene.
In just one week, Aunt Lin's son and daughter-in-law went to the door three times, and when they mentioned their son's family, Aunt Lin was very disappointed.
01. I funded the marriage room, I paid for the confinement, I brought my grandson, and I thought I did not treat my daughter-in-law badly;
"First of all, I have to say that I don't think I'm a bad mother, I'm not a bad mother-in-law, I didn't treat my son and daughter-in-law badly."
Aunt Lin is 64 years old, has a son and a daughter, and her son is three years younger than her daughter. When the children were young, Aunt Lin and her husband were working hard outside the home, and they had no time to take care of the family, and the children grew up under the care of their in-laws and mother-in-law.
After the children grew up, Aunt Lin also broke her heart for their marriage. The daughter is overwhelmed by love, and wants to marry a man who is useless except for bragging and drawing big cakes, and no matter how Aunt Lin opposes it, it will not help. In desperation, Aunt Lin had to agree to this marriage.
When her son got married, Aunt Lin paid a sum of money, paid a down payment to her son and daughter-in-law, and bought a marriage house, which was a two-bedroom apartment with the names of her son and daughter-in-law written on it.
The daughter-in-law gave birth to a grandson, and when she was confined, because Aunt Lin's mother-in-law was ill, Aunt Lin could not open her body, so she gave a sum of money and asked her son to pick a sister-in-law for her daughter-in-law to help take care of her.
After the death of the mother-in-law, the wife stayed in the hometown, Aunt Lin went to the son's house, to help the son and daughter-in-law with the grandson, until the grandson was 7 years old, Aunt Lin found that the daughter-in-law no longer welcomed herself, nor did she stay nostalgic, and returned to her hometown.
"I funded the marriage room, I paid for the confinement, I brought my grandson, they hated me, I don't like people, I don't drag people back, and I go back to my hometown to live." You say, where am I sorry for them? Am I a terrible mother-in-law? ”
However, Aunt Lin's son lacked filial piety, and the daughter-in-law was not satisfied, and set his sights on the property of Aunt Lin's elderly family.
02. My daughter's life is not good after divorce, I divided her a small house, is there a mistake?
Aunt Lin and her husband have worked hard for many years, made a sum of money, bought two houses in their hometown, a set of more than 110 square meters, three bedrooms, two halls and two bathrooms, close to the city center, Aunt Lin and her husband are living, a small area, more than 80 square meters, is a two-bedroom apartment, far from the city center, was rented out.
The reason why Aunt Lin fell out with her son and daughter-in-law was because of the distribution of property.
"My 39-year-old daughter is divorced, with a 10-year-old granddaughter, and she is married to someone who! He said that my daughter was a housewife, had no job, had no contribution to the family, and not only refused to share her house, but also did not give much to her property. After my daughter's divorce, because of the long-term lack of work, no savings, and with children, life is particularly bad, looking at me is painful! She used to be my daughter in the palm of my hand! ”
Seeing the bad situation of her daughter and granddaughter, Aunt Lin couldn't sit still and discussed with her wife: "Let's give that small house to my daughter, let her have a place to live with her granddaughter, you can also find a job nearby, we can also do a favor and take care of the children." ”
The wife agreed to Aunt Lin's suggestion and distributed the property. They lived in the big house temporarily, and when they died, they left it to their sons, and the small house was transferred to their daughter.
The daughter heard her parents' decision, hugged her parents and cried bitterly, apologized for her wayward marriage in the first place, and repeatedly promised that she would honor her parents in the future. However, the son and daughter-in-law were not happy.
03. After listening to a word from a relative, I decided to keep the house in my hands and be better for myself;
Knowing that Aunt Lin and his wife were going to transfer the small house to their sister, Aunt Lin's son felt unhappy, but did not dare to say anything, but the daughter-in-law made a fuss.
"Why should the daughter who marries out spill the water, and divide the property of the mother's family?" These two houses belong to my husband and my son, so why infringe on our interests? ”
At the beginning, Aunt Lin also said to her daughter-in-law in a good voice, telling her daughter's difficulty and her love for her daughter,And even promised to transfer the big house to them now, but the daughter-in-law still did not forgive, the more she said the more unkind, and even let Aunt Lin choose one of the two: "Either 2 houses are given to us, or I don't care about the pension, after you are sick, you need someone to serve, all look for the big sister, don't look for me, don't expect me and my husband to contribute money." ”
Hearing the daughter-in-law's words, Aunt Lin was angry and replied directly: "Those 1 set is not your share." ”
At first, Aunt Lin was talking angrily, but after listening to her relatives, Aunt Lin began to think carefully about this matter.
"Relatives said that my son and daughter-in-law did not seem to be filial piety people, and even if they got a house, they would not honor us. If my wife and I had transferred the house to them now, they would have been kicked out. Instead of expecting them to retire, we should hold the house in our hands, even if we sell it later, we will have money to see a doctor and live in a nursing home. ”
Thinking about the reaction of her son's family, Aunt Lin felt extremely cold, and after consulting with her wife, she made a decision, the small house was given to her daughter as usual, as for the big house, it was not for the time being to give to anyone, and when they were about to leave, they would say, who would be filial piety to whom, otherwise it would be sold, and the money would be spent by themselves. It is also the decision of Aunt Lin's two old families that makes the son's family more dissatisfied, and every three to five years they go to the door to make trouble, and Aunt Lin's attitude is very resolute.
04. Children with these two signs, raising children to prevent old age is unreliable, or keep the property to yourself!
There is a classic line in the movie "The Godfather": "Softness without boundaries will only make the other party inch; unprincipled benevolence will only let the other party do whatever it wants." ”
This sentence applies equally well when placed in parent-child relationships. Even parents have no obligation to accommodate their children all the time, to respond to their needs, and they have no obligation to sacrifice everything they have to meet all the needs of their children.
To be precise, parental obligations to their children continue until the child reaches adulthood. After the children become adults, they should be independent and take on their own lives, at this time, when the children are in need, the parents help, it is loving, it is the heartache of the children, not to help, but also the duty, after all, people have their own lives, should not sacrifice their own life for others.
Miyazaki said: "Don't rely on a person easily, it will become your habit, when the separation comes, you lose not a certain person, but the pillar of your spirit, no matter when and where, learn to walk independently, it will make you walk more calmly." ”
Children with these two signs, raising children to prevent old age is unreliable, or keep the property to yourself!
The first is the child who is bent on nibbling on the old and refuses to be independent. If he can't be independent and can't even support himself, how can he be able to support his parents? Nibbling on the old and taking it for granted, such children will not think of honoring their parents.
The second is to use the old-age pension as a weight, to blackmail parents to make cattle and horses for themselves and to satisfy their own desires. Supporting parents is the obligation of children, and as long as parents fulfill their responsibility to raise their children, children should fulfill the basic obligation of supporting their parents. To blackmail parents with the matter of old-age care, such children are egoists, and there is no filial piety at all.
In the old age, people leave a way back for themselves, do not pin all their hopes for the elderly on their children, so as not to pit themselves.
END.
Today's topic: Do you think Aunt Lin is qualified as a mother and mother-in-law? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.