Hello everyone, I'm Mommy.
Have you watched the TV series "Dear Child"?
Starring Qin Hao and Ren Suxi, as soon as it was broadcast, it caused widespread controversy, and even was scolded on the hot search many times.
Many people say that it sells anxiety and makes people afraid of marriage and childbearing, only because its plot is too real, and the cruel truth of chicken feathers and fertility in marriage is vividly portrayed.
However, is the plot real and unpretentious to sell anxiety?
I don't think so.
Cover your eyes and turn a blind eye, the problem will not disappear, the truth will not change.
What's even more cruel is that married and fertile people understand that the reality is far more complicated than what the show presents.
01
The naked truth about fertility
"I finally saw a real pregnant woman in a domestic drama", this is a mother's evaluation after watching "Dear Child".
The plot kicks off, and Ren Suxi (the heroine) in the mirror is removing her makeup.
The makeup remover wiped off the makeup surface little by little, revealing the real skin, staring at the pregnancy spots growing on the face, Ren Suxi was stunned for a while.
Then she took off her coat, revealing her pregnant belly.
In the eyes of many people, this is a "not pretty" belly.
It was large, surrounded by stretch marks, and there was a long black line above and below its navel.
But only the mother knows how real this belly is.
Looking at the somewhat strange self in the mirror, Ren Suxi couldn't help but cry.
But soon, she took another deep breath and struggled to squeeze out a smile.
Sad for the change of body, but the thought that you are giving birth to a new life, you can quickly put away your unhappiness.
This kind of complicated emotion, I think everyone will have it during pregnancy.
In the third trimester, Ren Suxi could not lie down comfortably, so he had to sleep on the sofa.
The legs and feet were also puffy, and each step was difficult.
Due to his relatively strong personality, when the amniotic fluid broke, Ren Suxi did not panic at all.
The pain of having a child is also dismissive.
But when it came to the contractions, the pain was so painful that she cried out, "I am not born."
During production, I cried and worked hard.
Fortunately, mother and daughter are safe.
The first time he hugged his daughter, Ren Suxi was so excited that he burst into tears, and he couldn't believe that he really gave birth to someone.
Then I worried that the child would have to experience his own suffering in the future.
In just a dozen seconds, it portrays the truest emotions of a new mother.
I thought that after giving birth to a child, the "sin" would be finished.
Unexpectedly, the birth of a child is just the beginning.
Ren Suxi, who had just finished giving birth, was incontinent of fecals and dirty his lower body.
She was ashamed and sad, unwilling to let any family member touch her, but she did not have the strength to deal with it herself.
In the end, Ren Suxi was forced to lose his self-esteem and acquiesce to her husband (played by Qin Hao, the male protagonist) to help him clean up his body.
At the same time, postpartum urinary leakage also found her. Just sneeze and go to the bathroom to deal with it.
In addition to physical changes, there are also big differences in the state of life.
As a new mother, although I have read a lot of parenting books before, the actual process of taking children is still busy.
Milk swells, children make milk at night, get up many times at night to feed... Since giving birth to the child, Ren Suxi has not slept a whole night.
Although someone came to help later, she only rested slightly, and the physical fatigue was still obvious.
Before giving birth, Ren Suxi was determined to be a hot mother in the new era, and easily cope with feeding and education.
After personally taking the child, Ren Suxi sighed to his girlfriend, "After having children, I really feel that I can't afford to live."
Physical trauma and great changes in life are the most naked birth truths.
02
Fragile marital relationships
"Whether the marriage is good or not, you will know if you have a child."
In the play, Ren Suxi and Qin Hao have been married for many years, and the relationship between husband and wife has always been very good.
Before giving birth, Qin Hao will massage Ren Suxi's legs; will sleep with her on the sofa; will intimately cut apples for her...
Although there will also be a little friction between the two people, it is more sweet.
However, after giving birth, everything changed.
First of all, Qin Hao's unreliability made Ren Suxi resentful.
Before giving birth, Qin Hao was persuaded to go to work, and after finishing his work, he did not rush back to the hospital, but went home to drink beer and watch TV.
After giving birth, Qin Hao went to send the placenta to his mother for the first time, because the mother felt that the placenta was greatly supplemented, and eating it was good for the body, resulting in Ren Suxi being pushed to the ward alone after giving birth to the child.
When the child was a few months old, Qin Hao was busy working, socializing almost every day, drinking until he was unconscious, and only returning home in the middle of the night.
The child has a high fever and wants to go to the hospital, but Ren Suxi can't get through her husband's phone.
The milked crucian carp was sold out, and Qin Hao bought the catfish on his own initiative and went home.
……
Big things and small things, Qin Hao revealed that he was unreliable everywhere.
At the same time, the parenting differences between the two are getting bigger and bigger.
Ren Suxi is a mother in the new era, following the concept of scientific parenting and raising children according to books.
Qin Hao is a father with a large nerve bar, and he feels that raising children does not have to be too nervous.
After the birth of the child, Ren Suxi became a walking parenting book, and Qin Hao did not know three questions.
Ren Suxi worries that the mother-in-law's traditional way of taking care of the child is not good, and Qin Hao will question her "how my mother raised two children, how can it be unsuitable for children."
When the child cried incessantly, ren Suxi was worried about the child's health, but Qin Hao did not think so: "The child's crying more is good for lung capacity."
Of course, the most critical point is that the two cannot understand each other and cannot communicate well when arguing.
Ren Suxi desperately gave birth to a child and took good care of the child; Qin Hao worked hard to earn money to give his family a better life.
They are all working hard for the family, but they can't understand each other.
As the children grow older, so does the communication between husband and wife, and all the topics revolve around the children.
The hidden problems in marriage, which surfaced with the arrival of children, were gradually magnified.
They are no longer a loving couple, but more like roommates.
03
The eroded female self
"After being a mother, I was no longer me."
From the day of pregnancy, Ren Suxi was shrouded in the framework of her motherhood.
Originally, she loved to eat spicy, but for the sake of the children in her belly, she could only accept meals without peppers.
After surviving the unbearable pregnancy, after the birth of the child, everyone said to her was "what the mother should do" and "how you can't let the child do".
It was as if after becoming a mother, she should only live for the sake of her children.
At first, Ren Suxi was disgusted by this remark, and she hoped to become a free mother in a new era.
But after experiencing unreliable sisters-in-law, mother-in-law with conflicting parenting concepts, and strong mothers, she realized that only she was the biological mother of her children, and many parenting responsibilities could only be borne by herself.
Gradually, she changed from an anxious new mother to a tough mother who was mainly a child.
Although "motherhood is just" sounds uncomfortable, this is a naked reality.
During confinement, Ren Suxi also consciously exercised his body and controlled his diet, just in order to recover his figure as soon as possible.
But after a few months of becoming a mother, she gave up appearance management.
The belongings in the bag are filled with diapers and breast pumps.
When her girlfriend gave her a lipstick, hoping that she could change back to the delicate Ren Suxi she had before, she could only smile bitterly.
Because she would rather sleep than dress up.
In real life, as long as you devote yourself to carrying a baby, you will naturally lose a lot of your own time.
It's not that you get lazy when you have children, but you don't have the energy to clean up after yourself.
As a working mother, the child is less than 1 year old, ren Suxi returned to school to teach.
Originally just an ordinary teacher, she was suddenly promoted to class teacher.
In the eyes of other teachers, being a class teacher is a happy event, but Ren Suxi is not happy.
Because it means she gets busier at work and spends less time with and caring for her children.
After much thought, in order to have more energy to take care of the children, she eventually refused to be the class teacher.
The "motherly responsibility" defined by the outside world did not make Ren Suxi compromise.
But struggling to protect the child's heart made her gradually lose herself.
The process of going from "me" to "so-and-so mom" is much faster than expected.
04
What does "Dear Little Child" mean to us?
The naked truth of fertility, the fragile relationship between husband and wife, and the eroded female self are the most authentic corners of life.
We are accustomed to watching the beauty of film and television works, and we always think that it is easy to get pregnant and have children, and the husband is very reliable after marriage, but in fact, it is not.
There are many good marriages, but unfortunate marriages do exist.
"Dear Little Child" is "scolded" because it shoots out the real suffering, and many people worry that unmarried women will fear marriage and childbearing after seeing these truths.
But as director @Hu Kun821 said, fear comes from the unknown.
Instead of being caught off guard by the unknown truth about marriage and childbearing, it is better to understand the whole picture in advance.
Many problems, such as the degree of labor pain, the child's jaundice, etc., if you understand clearly in advance, you can at least be mentally prepared, and when you really encounter these problems, you can better solve them.
For many married women, it's also a great opportunity to take a fresh look at the family.
There are no pure bad guys in Dear Kids, only different personalities and positions.
The husband only cares about making money, the wife only cares about the children, and two people with different personalities and positions are gradually separated.
The reality is the same.
Many times, family members are because of less communication and understanding, resulting in small problems escalating.
Marriage is complicated, there is more communication between husband and wife, and there is more sense of boundaries in everything, and maybe life will be very different.
Perhaps, we should thank this drama for coming out, it makes more people aware of the negative problems that may be encountered in marriage and childbirth.
It also allows more people to see that everyone's marriage will have a chicken feather, and true heroism is to still love life after recognizing the truth of life.
Light up "watching", may all women be brave and confident, step by step forward.