In "Dear Child", where did Xiao Lu and Fang Yinuo's marriage go wrong? Yinuo is quite right in saying that even without Zhu Zhu, they would have to divorce. Their biggest problem isn't cheating, not a "third party," but the very thing about their marriage. In the play, Xiao Lu's three lies reveal the truth about their marital problems.
1, the first time to lie: "I did not eat"
As soon as Xiao Lu appeared, he told a lie. Fang Yinuo wanted to eat the noodles of the favorite old Hu family in the third trimester of pregnancy, so xiao Lu brought one. Xiao Lu ate one serving of noodles there, then packed two more and brought them back. Fang Yinuo saw that there was no pepper in the noodles, and he couldn't eat it, and then asked Xiao Lu: Have you eaten it?
Xiao Lu replied: I did not eat. Then pretend to be hungry and take a big bite of noodles. But before the TV series, we all knew that he had already eaten a noodle with a lot of peppers.
Why did he lie? Many viewers believe that he does not have the spirit of "sharing weal and woe". In fact, this is not the key to the problem, the key is why he ate but said he did not eat.
According to many people's views, it is not easy for the mother to get pregnant, the father must be considerate, the mother can not eat the noodles without peppers, the father should not eat, should accompany. In fact, this is a kind of "kidnapping". I believe that the reason why Xiao Lu did not dare to admit that he had eaten was because he was afraid of Yinuo accusing him of this.
The woman thinks that the man should be considerate of himself, so he has to eat whatever he wants; the man will only feel that doing so is just "torturing him". You think it will make him love you more, but in fact it will only make him feel that you are unreasonable.
This is the "invisible contradiction" caused by cognitive differences. Both sides think that they are right, they think that the other party does not understand themselves, but neither of them explains their own ideas, and they hold their breath in their hearts, and finally become the "last straw" that crushes the marriage.
There is also a detail in the play, that is, Yinuo is hungry, Xiao Lu made her noodles, but she hated the taste and said that she did not want to eat, and went to the toilet to see Xiao Lu eat the bowl of noodles, and she was very angry. But nothing was said.
In fact, here, she directly said her dissatisfaction without any emotion, and then took the opportunity to let Xiao Lu care about herself, ensuring that he would not do this next time.
But she didn't say it, Xiao Lu would never know.
Therefore, from the first time Xiao Lu lied, we can see that there was a communication problem between the husband and wife. They all have opinions about each other, but no one wants to communicate each other's thoughts well.
2, the second time lying: "My mother did not smoke"
The second time I lied was after my sister-in-law left and Xiao Lu's mother took over to watch the child. In fact, Xiao Lu's mother also wants to take care of the child, but people with addictions can't do it, so she watches others play mahjong, and smokes a cigarette under the persuasion of others.
Xiao Lu's mother smoked, and she didn't expect to hide it. So when Xiao Lu asked her, she admitted it and repeatedly promised not to smoke in the future.
Yinuo was originally sensitive to the smell of smoke, and she smelled smoke, so she must have smoked Xiao Lu's mother. She asked Xiao Lu to communicate, thinking that she hoped that her mother-in-law would not smoke next time.
Unexpectedly, Xiao Lu said to his mother that he would not smoke in the future in order to calm things down, and said to Yinuo that this time his mother really did not smoke.
What was the result of this lie? The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law escalated, Xiao Lu's mother said that she confessed to Xiao Lu that she smoked, and Yinuo thought that Xiao Lu allowed his mother to smoke, but only hid it from her.
From this incident, it can be seen that Xiao Lu's method of handling the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is really too bad. He thought that coaxing at both ends would do, but he did not expect that this way would not only fail to solve the problem, but would further intensify the contradiction.
Then contact Xiao Lu's attitude every time he deals with the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, when coaxing his mother, standing on the mother's point of view, let the mother endure, and when coaxing the daughter-in-law, let the daughter-in-law understand the mother.
In the end, no one could coax him to come, so he complained about it himself, so that both of them would feel sorry for themselves. At that time, when Xiao Xu and Xiao Lu's mother were fighting with Yinuo and Yinuo's mother, did he use this method?
When all kinds of contradictions overlap, it is actually a time when husband and wife should communicate seriously. However, Xiao Lu would not handle such a complicated relationship, and Yi Nuo did not realize that she should also find a way to solve the problem, so their marital rift became more and more obvious.
This problem is indeed to blame Xiao Lu. Xiao Lu should have a standard for handling the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, that is, there must be rules. For example, if he wants to agree with what Fang Yinuo said, then he must establish strict rules with his mother and communicate well with his mother; if he wants to agree with what his mother said, then he should communicate with Yinuo.
As a man, non-principle issues rely on "coaxing", and principle issues need to rely on "rules".
3, the third time lying: "I have to work overtime"
Xiao Lu lied for the third time, in fact, it implied that their husband and wife problems were already very serious.
Xiao Lu's behavior is just like many people on the Internet say, when he returns home, he doesn't want to go up, sits in the car and smokes, and wants to give himself a space to ease. At this time, Yinuo called him and asked him when he would come back, he heard the child's crying on the phone, and immediately ran away, saying that there was something overtime and could not go home. Then drove away.
Later, when he told Lao Xie, he also said that his workload this year was three times that of the previous one. Why? Reluctance to go home. Because home is no longer a warm harbor, but a burden.
Whether it is a man or a woman, once there is a "sense of burden" on the family, then the marriage has reached the brink of breakdown.
Why doesn't Xiao Lu want to go home? Some say he is evading responsibility. But "wife and children hot kangtou", that is a man's dream. If he hadn't been disgusted to the extreme, he couldn't have been unwilling to go home.
He didn't go home because his family made him feel depressed. Troublesome mother-in-law, Yinuo, who never gave him a good face, and children who cry at every turn, think about it, if you are busy with a day of work, will you want to go home?
Zhu Zhu asked Yinuo: Do you care about Xiao Lu? When divorced, Xiao Lu also asked Yinuo: Do you think you are not wrong? Yinuo and his mother have also always firmly believed that it is not enough to run this family by themselves and not let him worry about it?
After having children, there must be one party who has to pay a little more. And this kind of giving should not be carried with resentment and anger, otherwise you will only make the other party hate your giving more.
Marriage needs to be managed, especially for the first three years of having children. Don't ignore the relationship between husband and wife because of the child, and don't put the child's problem above the husband and wife relationship.
Wu Zhihong mentioned in "Why Home Hurts People" that the first law of healthy family relationship: husband and wife relationship is the NO.1 in the family. If Yinuo and Xiao Lu can understand this, maybe their marriage can be saved.
Unfortunately, as far as the play is concerned, they don't seem to understand this all along. They divorced and remarried separately, still not putting their spouses first, so there will be such absurd things later.
For those of us who watch the drama, seeing the problems from them and then reflecting on our marriage is the key.