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There is a saying on the Internet that says:
The sparrow is always envious of the canary's carefree food and clothing, and as everyone knows, the canary is also envious of the sparrow's freedom to fly.
In the NetEase cloud, there is also a similar hot comment:
The cats in the alley are free, but they have no home; the dogs in the walls have a home and have to bow their heads for the rest of their lives.
In this life, people can choose many ways to live, and each way of living has its own wonderful and flaws.
The same is true of marriage choices.
If you choose to be single, it means that you give up the warmth of marriage; your choice of marriage means that you give up the freedom to be single.
In real life, there is no absolutely perfect choice.
Knowingly, someone asked:
Why do I think that the marriages of the people around me are rarely happy, and if so, can I choose not to get married for the rest of my life?
One of the high-ranking replied:
No one can easily live a happy and happy life. Life is really hard, getting married has the pain of getting married, and not getting married has the pain of not getting married.
But you have to remember that human nature is to seek profit and avoid harm, if you can be very happy if you do not get married, then the lifestyle of marriage cannot be the mainstream value now.
Indeed, no matter how social climates and values change over the years, marriage will continue to be the mainstream choice for a long time to come.
01. Parents are getting older, and the female master after 80 returns to her hometown for a blind date
Netizen Xie Yun (pseudonym) also thought about lying flat and not marrying for the rest of his life.
Xie Yun is a post-80s female master, she studied at universities and graduate students in first-tier cities. For professional reasons, she has been taking on some practical private work at the graduate level.
It is precisely because of the accumulation of a lot of practical experience that when she is close to graduation, there are several large local enterprises that offer her high salaries.
Xie Yun's hometown is in a small city of the fourth and fifth tiers, there is no development potential to say, and her professional counterpart work is also very difficult to find.
What embarrassed Xie Yun was that she was the only daughter in the family, and her parents strongly hoped that she would return to her hometown to work. However, Xie Yun eventually insisted on staying in the big city.
During her work, Xie Yun also had a boyfriend.
The boyfriend is very good, the doctor is studying, getting along for more than two years, after the other party graduated, the two often had conflicts because of some practical problems.
At the time, Xie Yun was 28 years old, at a time when she was at her most stressful.
Parents are getting older, have age spots on their hands, have white hair on their heads, and have more physical problems, and the feeling of powerlessness that is pushed forward by time is too deep and too heavy.
Xie Yun felt deeply guilty, and after she fell out with her boyfriend, she decided to take the public examination first, and then returned to her hometown to develop after being admitted.
Xie Yun's ability is very strong, he passed it once without participating in the training institution, and it was a high score. At that time, many people advised her that her high score was not worth returning to the small county.
02. High-quality unmarried men in small counties are scarce, and blind dates have not been successful
At the age of 29, Xie Yun returned to his hometown and entered the system to work. At the same time, under the arrangement of the parents, a blind date began.
Xie Yun has received higher education, seen the prosperity of big cities, and experienced the baptism of the concept of free marriage, and her pursuit of marriage is much higher than that of simple county people.
And at that time, she was adapting to a new job, and her mentality was not correct. In addition, the brain drain in small counties is serious, and most of the outstanding men run to big cities to develop.
The men who stayed in the county town had more only children, and they all got married early.
In particular, unmarried men in the system are scarce, while unmarried women account for a large proportion. Xie Yun has been dating for several years and has not been successful.
Later, her mentality gradually changed, and she even began to plan for future unmarried.
Xie Yun's learning ability is very strong, she uses her leisure time to examine, and do part-time work online, her amateur income plus salary income, more than 250,000 a year.
She bought her first house for herself, with a 50% down payment, and the monthly mortgage was offset by the provident fund, and the repayment pressure was not great. She plans to save some money, buy some financial management, and buy another apartment in three years to make herself old.
However, as she grew older, she found herself less and less connected to society, except for work, except for her parents... Moreover, she has lost her enthusiasm for many things.
The number of times to go to the fitness card is getting less and less; eating and drinking, a person is too lazy to go; going out to travel, can not lift the spirit ...
Watching her parents get older, she knew that the days when their parents were leaving her were getting closer and closer.
At this time, Xie Yun had an inexplicable panic in her heart, and her mentality gradually changed, especially some time ago, after returning from attending her aunt's funeral, she suddenly wanted to get married and have a child.
03. Female masters admit that this is the minimum mate selection standard
As Jane Austen says in Sense and Sensibility:
The more I see in the world, the more I feel that I will never see a man in my life, and I will truly love.
Xie Yun also knows that the probability of meeting true love in a blind date is getting smaller and smaller, and she no longer has the luxury of asking for it. Now she just wants to find an object that is equal to her own.
Her parents saw that she was a bit "enlightened", and they went around asking matchmakers to help find a blind date.
In the eyes of local matchmakers, Xie Yun is a famous "nail household", and when the matchmaker helps her introduce, she is worried about wasting time and energy, so she makes specific requests.
Xie Yun said that my undergraduate and master's degrees are 211 pairs of first-class, and the man also wants at least one college; I am in the system, and the man is the best; the man's income cannot be too different from mine, and the annual salary should be more than 150,000 yuan.
The man's age should be within 40 years old, he must have a marriage house, full payment or loan; my parents have pensions, insurance, and the man's parents must also have; I am 165 in height, and the man cannot be less than 175...
The matchmaker listened and cried and laughed.
She complained to her face: "You are clearly embarrassing me, but also embarrassing yourself." ”
Xie Yun feels that he has lowered his requirements, in addition to requiring the man's height to be higher than himself, other aspects are already downward compatible.
She confessed to the matchmaker that this was her minimum mate selection standard.
The matchmaker saw her resolute attitude, shook her head and sighed, stood up and said: "You these conditions, pick one or two out to say, it is indeed not high, but to add together, in our county, there is no such perfect person, goodbye." ”
04. Marriage is not about finding the perfect person, but finding the right person
I once saw a small story on the Internet.
The Zen master asked the disciple: Do you think a grain of gold is good, or a pile of mud? Disciple answered: Of course it is gold.
Zen Master laughed: What if you were a seed?
There is no absolute distinction between good and bad in this world, and what suits you is the best.
The same goes for marriage.
Some men are good, but he's not necessarily a good partner; some men aren't necessarily good, but he may be a good partner for you.
Therefore, do not pursue perfection too much, and do not be bound by your own mate selection criteria, marriage is not to find a perfect person, but to find a suitable person.
As Zhang Xiaoxian once said:
No one is perfect, and there is no perfect marriage. We strive for perfection, and in the end we find that life is full of regrets and regrets. All the efforts in life are just to minimize regrets and regrets.
There is no perfect choice in life, there is no perfect marriage in the world, only through continuous running, the three views gradually move towards a unified partner.
Well, today is here, I hope that each issue of the story can bring friends a little emotional thinking, like Yu'er, please pay attention to me, give the article like collection recommended Oh, thank you we will see you in the next issue ~