Cultivate the most interesting and practical psychology every day
The development of human civilization is inseparable from the continuation of society, and from a more microscopic point of view, this continuation is actually a kind of addition to the continuation of countless families and populations.
Especially in the traditional Chinese concept, "having children" and population survival is almost an adult's mission, and the so-called "no filial piety has three, no posterity is greater" is a more exaggerated statement.
Therefore, under the influence of such collective consciousness, many concepts about fertility have arisen in the traditional Chinese concept, among which there are both places worth understanding and some cultural scum.
Among them, some of the concepts of "more is better", "son preference" and "mixing well is better than marrying well" are some of the more common ideas.
In today's society, such a concept still exists in some areas, and there are still people who suffer from such a concept.
event
When the media learned about this matter, they learned that the full-time mother, that is, xie yun, who asked for help, was sitting on the top of the 33rd floor of a residential building in a high-end residential area, planning to end his life, and rushed to save Xie Yun, only to find that Xie Yun, who was covered with bruises, was close to a mental breakdown.
Under questioning, Xie Yun said that he had been beaten by her in-laws for a long time by her husband, and it was difficult to support her, and she planned to end her life.
The reason why I will be abused by the family is only because I have given birth to two daughters in 5 years and have not given birth to boys for each other's family. What is the use of the in-laws saying to themselves that they will not have a son? Xie Yun said that his life does not matter, but he can't rest assured of his children.
For Xie Yun's statement, her husband and in-laws immediately denied it, saying that they had never had the idea of "preferring sons to daughters" in their families, and did not exert any violence on Xie Yun, but Xie Yun, in a short period of time, had sat on the roof of the building three times to plan to take his life, and they also felt very troubled.
Xie Yun's husband, Qiu Yuan, said that he runs a mahjong hall and a supermarket at home, and Xie Yun has stolen the supermarket due to playing with his mobile phone when he was looking at the store in the supermarket before, resulting in heavy losses.
And the real dissatisfaction point is because they have no job, the economic power in the family is in the hands of their parents, and they want to "be the masters of the house", so they are frequently forced to die.
For this kind of situation where "the public is justified, and the mother is reasonable", it is difficult for the outside world to judge what the origin of the problem is for a while.
However, from the accounts of the two people and their families, we can actually summarize some problems, which can be said to be buried under the surface of "son preference".
The source of contradictions between husband and wife
1. The "dominance" of life
The so-called "dominance" actually refers not only to a kind of discourse weight in the family status, but also to a sense of direction for life.
In this case, husband Qiu Yuan did not shy away from having no status in the family, because he had no job, he could only hope for the family's economic income, but he still had to rely on his parents' support to live after the year, and even "no matter how small the expenditure, he had to ask his parents for it." There is no doubt that this state of affairs is very detrimental to the harmony of family life.
It is true that in the family, parents will naturally be unconditionally kind to their children, no matter how old they are, they will still provide financial support when their children are short of money. But when a child has a family of her own, it is difficult to predict whether a son-in-law/daughter-in-law who is considered an "outsider" can be treated equally, and how this situation will change when the grandchildren are born.
Therefore, once it is difficult for both husband and wife to achieve independence of family status through their own economic income, then many contradictions will erupt at a certain point, such as childbirth.
2. The way of communication between husband and wife
As mentioned above, because Qiu Yuan's family conditions are relatively good, he can realize the freedom of life through the support of his parents, even if he does not work, he has the most basic living security, then Qiu Yuan has become somewhat "fearless" under such a premise, even if he treats his wife, he will often have no patience and try to take a "hands-on" approach to solve the problem.
For Xie Yun, his idea actually has a certain truth: he has always relied on the support of his in-laws and mother-in-law, and the husband and wife will inevitably be subject to the elderly and unable to have the life they want. Therefore, Xie Yun spent a lot of effort to pursue economic independence through part-time work and other means.
Qiu Yuan said that it is also in such a process that Xie Yun often leaves in order to go out to work, leaving a pile of "messes" at home to himself, catching himself off guard.
So this and the details actually imply that the communication between the husband and wife is not smooth, coupled with the fact that the two are amazingly introduced to each other, which further confirms this.
3. The influence of family concepts on small families
From the expression of relevant personnel, we can know that the reason why the marriage of Xie Yun and Qiu Yuan has developed to this point is actually inseparable from the family environment of the two people.
For her husband Qiu Yuan, his parents have a large right to speak in the family because they have a certain amount of capital, and the requirements for their son Qiu Yuan are not too high, even if he is not willing to have his own job, it does not matter. And Xie Yun said that after marriage, she found that Qiu Yuan often needed to listen to his mother's opinion before making a decision.
For his wife Xie Yun, whose parents live in the countryside and have a more traditional concept, after learning of their daughter's tragic experience, her parents' reaction is often to hope that her daughter can reach a reconciliation with her husband's family and continue to live from beginning to end.
Even after three light births, Xie Yun still said that as long as Qiu Yuan and his family can apologize, then she is willing to continue to live with him, which is undoubtedly influenced by her parents.
The above three points are some of the problems about the marriage of two people that can be summarized from the narratives of relevant personnel, and they are also problems that many people may encounter.
It is true that these traditional concepts represented by "son preference" should be outlawed, but it is difficult for us to demand that everyone accurately comply with it, nor can we restrain individuals through some external coercive forces.
As for whether Qiu Yuan and his parents really asked their daughter-in-law Xie Yun to give birth to a son for them in this case, and whether they were angry because they gave birth to two daughters in a row, it is difficult to confirm from their own opinions.
But behind these contradictions, we can know that for husband and wife, marriage is the appearance, the relationship is the core, and the children are the bond. If it is difficult to deal with various relationships, then once the conflict between the two people breaks out, the problem of children will become the final fuse.
Of course, neither the birth of a son nor a daughter should be a motive for the family to have an opinion of the child's mother, because procreation itself is great, hard, and worthy of praise.
- The End -
Author | Tommida
Edit | Wan'an
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Reference: Jean Piaget Biographie. (2020, January 29).