Today we're going to talk about some of the things you have to think about before you get married. That is, before marriage, how do you measure whether the relationship will continue or not? Or how do you predict what you will look like when you get married?
A lot of people have asked me this question, so if I ask you this question, from your point of view, what do you think was the most important thing you valued before getting married? Maybe what comes to mind in everyone's mind may be character, or his character, and some people will say that he is self-motivated, whether he is filial piety or not, whether he has a sense of family responsibility, and so on.
These things are actually true, but what is a key factor? It is not easy for you to grasp, how do you judge that this person's character is good? You are not married to him, how do you know if he has family responsibility? What can you use to judge that he is self-motivated? Is this the truth, you can't always say, he read a book yesterday and he was self-motivated, so what if he doesn't read it in the future?
So I tell everyone that you have to measure the relationship before marriage, whether to continue with four words: the original family! Why? Because all of your concerns, his character, his character, his future sense of responsibility, his self-motivation, filial piety, etc., are all related to one thing, that is, his original family. His family of origin affected him by at least 70% or more...
According to our seven years of emotional counseling experience and the summary of more than 2,000 cases, basically when every student finds me, when there is a problem, I will ask her: What is your original family and each other's original family? Everyone talked about this, you may wish to stop and think about it, you think about yourself, your original family, what impact has it caused you?
Why do I say that the family of origin is so important, because in psychology there is a call: "mapping effect" We call it compulsive repetition, what does it mean? Most of us, the way to deal with intimate relationships is borrowed from parents, for example, parents used to quarrel, or the father is very strong, this man is likely to become strong later, there is another is that his father is very strong, he will later become a flattering personality, inner inferiority, it is also possible, this is the impact of the original family on him!
You have to avoid as much as possible, the original family has problems with the people, of course, as far as possible to avoid, can not say that you are all married, you find each other's single-parent family, forget it, that will not be! Just say you have a case where you have options and avoid as much as you can.
So what do you have to realize, a pattern of getting along with his parents, such as between his parents, is there any cheating? Whether one party is particularly strong, the other party has always been flattering, and then whether there is a frequent fight, or even obviously seen, that is, some divorce, etc., you can also find that his original family has affected him. Before marriage, women go to see the man's original family, which is more conducive to rational judgment of feelings.
After you understand this, in fact, there is a high probability that you can see what your marriage will look like in the future. In addition to looking at each other, you also have to look at yourself and summarize yourself. This is why, just now the teacher said that you have to summarize your problems, you know your own and understand each other, in order to better coordinate in the future process of getting along.
Men with growth ability know better how to continuously improve themselves through their own growth, get rid of the impact of their original family on him, and men who know how to grow up are more likely to shoulder the responsibilities in marriage. Finally, I also hope to refer to everyone's feelings.