Child Counseling: Four kinds of praise hurt the child

For the only child who is regarded as the pearl in the palm of his hand by his parents and grandparents, their growth is surrounded by appreciation, love and praise, and sweet words are like a variety of nutritional products that they face every day.

However, many children do not know how to cherish, and even some children hinder their happy growth because their parents do not talk about methods, have no purpose, and inappropriate exaggeration.

Child psychological counseling pointed out that the following kinds of praise will hurt children, and parents should be extra careful.

First, good words and bad words

Some parents are ostensibly praising their children, but the words they say give their children a lot of pressure, so that children feel blame and criticism.

For example, "You finally didn't do anything wrong today, what a good boy" "You did everything well today, very good, don't make it again tomorrow!"

The parents gave the task of taking care of the little goldfish to their 4-year-old son Tong Tong, who was very excited and responsible when he first started doing it.

But after two days, he either fed the goldfish twice a day or forgot to feed them for three days. But in the past three days, he has done a good job of completing his tasks, and every day he looks forward to his parents praising himself.

In fact, my mother also saw tong tong's progress and was very satisfied, but what came out of her mouth was "You have finally remembered what you should do these days, it is really the sun that hits the west, tomorrow don't forget it!"

Such praise is very reluctant, and implies criticism and accusation, which invisibly hits the enthusiasm of the child, making him feel that he has done a good job and done the right thing in vain, and in the eyes of his parents, he is always the child who does the wrong thing and will not do things, and cannot turn over.

Child Counselor Guidance:

In the face of children's behavior, parents may wish to affirm one by one, "Well, feed the fish, feed no more and no less, and the water is also changed." Look how happy and beautiful they are today!"

Although the child is small, what is needed is real praise, and I hope that parents can see all their efforts and get care little by little.

Second, blind comparison

The least need to bother with praise is to exaggerate in generality and without purpose.

The child happily shows you the drawings he has drawn in kindergarten, his eyes are looking forward to you, and you say with great concern, "The painting is awesome, you must be the best in your class!", or "You are awesome, much better than so-and-so.".

Children's own conditions are different, the starting point is also different, comparing children with others, obviously unfair.

Moreover, today you praised your child as the best of the children, better than so-and-so, and if tomorrow he does not reach today's level or loses to others in some way, you will feel very frustrated.

Therefore, blind comparison often puts pressure on the child.

Such a large and empty praise can not give the child a real sense of affirmation, but may make the child blindly confident - conceited, he blindly thinks that he is good, but he does not know where he is good, and it is difficult to form an objective understanding of himself and the appropriate judgment and discernment of things.

For the child's progress and advantages, parents should be very specific to point out where the child has done well, which aspects have made progress, and can not be generally praised.

The more specific the praise, the more clearly the child understands what good behavior is and produces a sense of real satisfaction.

Third, the requirements are harsh

One of the most common situations in which parents praise inappropriately is when they assign a "high standard" to their children.

For example, Jiajia won the "first place in the individual group" in a dance competition in the whole kindergarten, and her mother was full of joy, no matter the time, no matter the occasion, she often praised Jiajia in front of guests and friends, hung up Jiajia's "glorious history", and often said to Jiajia, "Jiajia is the best, she can get the first place in the whole kindergarten competition, and she will definitely get the first place in the city's competition in the future." ”

However, such a use of a grade to determine a "high standard" for the child, expect the child to be better and better every time, this praise has actually become the "baggage" of the child, has become the child's "tight curse", causing great psychological pressure to the child, it is difficult to correctly look at success or failure, some children therefore feel that as long as they do not meet the parents' "high standards", it is "pride, regression", resulting in inferiority and frustration.

In the face of the child's already existing achievements, if parents hope that the child can go further, they can affirm the child's current performance, and then mention a higher goal, that is, the "recent development zone", so that the child can do it through their own efforts.

Parents can say to their children, "You're doing a good job, can you have another one?" You have entered the twenty-fifth place in the class, can you continue to work hard, surpass yourself further, and get the twentieth place."

After the praise, it is followed by helping the child to set a new goal of "half a step higher", so that he will not pause, nor will he lose confidence by suffering unnecessary setbacks.

Conclusion of the Child Counselor:

Children need to praise, but they can't brag.

When praising their children, parents should "discuss things on the facts", "be specific and clear", and "guide according to the situation", and encourage children to do better in this regard.

It should be noted that when adults praise children, attitude and tone are sometimes more important than words.

When praising children, we must be sincere, we must be from the heart, seek truth from facts, and cannot be openly exaggerated, exaggerated, and blindly compared.