How to "spend" the child's pocket money, so that parents can rest assured? This is a problem that many parents feel entangled in.
Give more, afraid of children spending randomly, and develop the bad habit of spending money in a big way;
Giving less and afraid of children not spending enough, eyes hungry for other people's children's things, but to develop other bad habits.
What Nuo Mama wants to say is that children develop the habit of spending money indiscriminately, not because of the problem of giving more money to less, but because it is related to the education of their parents.
First, before managing the child, first control the parent's pocket
Many parents think that to control the child's spending, it is necessary to start with controlling the child's pocket money: the child has no money to spend, naturally he will not spend money indiscriminately.
This logic seems to be fine, but in practice you will find that the problem is far from being as simple as you think.
You will also be surprised to find that children will always have a way to "get money"!
Tong Tong was in the second grade, and when his mother cleaned his room a few days ago, she swept out a bunch of surprises: under Tong Tong's bed, a large cardboard box was filled with a bunch of things, toys, cards, villain books...
These things, the mother did not see tong tong take out at all, she did not know when tong tong bought this pile of things.
When Tong Tong returned home and saw his "secret treasure" being ruthlessly piled up in the corner by his mother, he was a little flustered and a little scared.
"When did you buy it?" Why when I buy these things, Mom and Dad don't know! ”
The mother questioned Tong Tong, and Tong Tong bowed her head and whispered, "I bought it with my own pocket money... Isn't pocket money just for me to spend myself? ”
Good fellow, this sentence makes Mom angry enough! The mother was so angry that she yelled at the child:
"You're a loser, I'm working hard to make money, and you're buying all this messy stuff!" Don't know how to cherish, all pocket money are handed over, not a penny is given to you, I see how else do you buy? ”
After saying that, my mother did not forget to tell me again: "In the future, I must buy things with my consent, otherwise I am not allowed to buy them!" ”
The self-aware tong tong looked at his mother in the storm and anger, and had to return to his room with tears in his eyes.
However, the mother soon found that since cutting off the child's pocket money, the son was more and more accustomed to pestering her to buy this and that. If he didn't buy it, he would gamble and even ask his mother with a straight face:
"Other classmates have it, why didn't I?" You don't give me pocket money, I can only ask you! ”
At the beginning, the mother will occasionally tolerate it, but the number of times is more, she is upset, and insists on not meeting the requirements of the child.
But it wasn't long before her mother found that even so, Tong Tong still had a way to think of getting money to buy what he wanted to buy.
Sometimes Tong Tong secretly asks his father to ask for it, sometimes Tong Tong will beg his grandparents or grandparents, and even occasionally when he goes out with his aunt and uncle, Tong Tong will also open his mouth to let adults buy him toys.
Tong Tong's performance is really very distressing to his mother.
To change into the habit of children spending money indiscriminately, the united front of parents is very important.
The mother makes the rules in the front, and the relatives break the rules in the back, and the child not only cannot form the correct values, but also feels dissatisfied with the mother, feeling that the mother is deliberately embarrassing herself. Over time, the child will also be like a wall grass, seeing the wind and steering, favoring parents who can satisfy their own side. In the long run, this is a bad impact on children.
Of course, parents should first guide their children before the united front, and correctly understand the matter of pocket money from the depths of their minds:
Pocket money can be spent, but not indiscriminately, and the money should be spent on meaningful things.
Only the principle of moderate use of pocket money accepted by children from the ideology, coupled with parents helping children control their desire to spend money, can children gradually develop good spending habits.
Second, just spend a little money on children? Be wary of getting caught up in the "ratchet effect"
Some parents will think: Since they have the ability to spend a small amount of money to buy things that their children like, let their children be satisfied, and make their children happy, why not enjoy it?
However, parents need to be vigilant and do not let their children's consumer psychology fall into the "ratchet effect".
When children are young, it may be a cost of one dollar and two dollars, but when they slowly enter the primary school stage and gradually come into contact with and understand society, they will have a deeper understanding of money. When children experience more benefits of money, the phenomenon of spending money indiscriminately is more frequent and more and more manipulative.
This kind of psychology of children is like the "ratchet effect", this consumption habit is irreversible after formation, and it is easy to adjust upwards, but it is difficult to adjust downwards.
When a child is a child, he is used to spending fifty-one hundred, and when he grows up, you let him return to the state of spending 5 yuan and 10 yuan, which is a more difficult thing to change.
It is easy to go from frugality to luxury, and it is too difficult to go from luxury to frugality.
Third, children are reluctant to spend money from a young age, and will they become miserly when they grow up?
There are also some parents who think: excessive control of children's spending, if the child develops the habit of not spending money from an early age, will he become a miser when he grows up?
Such concerns are not unreasonable, even the famous children's literature scholar Qin Wenjun was worried.
When Qin Wenjun's daughter was a child, she was particularly concerned about money, and all the money and pocket money were kept by herself. Not only carefully calculated, but also hidden secretly, as a mother, she has not found her daughter's hiding place for money for so many years.
However, such a rich teenager, when going out with his mother, often likes to "pick up the oil": when he sees what he likes, his daughter often sells cute and begs her mother to pay for her to buy it.
If Qin Wenjun refuses and insists on letting her daughter pay for herself, then her daughter will find a step for herself: Forget it, it is not interesting to buy this thing.
Although the performance of extreme restraint and desire in her daughter is a good tradition, its excessive degree has also confused and disturbed Qin Wenjun: Will the child become a miserly ghost?
Gradually, as the children grew up, Qin Wenjun found that her daughter would use her own money from time to time to buy cigarettes, melon seeds, and cakes for her grandparents, and even when she complained about the family's large expenses, her daughter generously donated money and helped each other free of charge, which made Qin Wenjun gradually relieved.
Compared with children of the same age who squander money for face and glory, isn't it also a good thing that their daughters take care of their own small money in moderation?
Fourth, how to cultivate children's correct concept of consumption?
1. Early detection, early traceability
Many children's bad spending habits often start with one thing. If this matter does not get the parents' attention in time, the child may slowly form a habit; once this habit is formed naturally, it is more difficult to help the child correct it.
Therefore, it is very important for parents to understand and pay attention to their children's consumption behavior and consumption trends in a timely manner. Find problems, trace back to the source, and be sure to eliminate problems in the bud.
2. Parents' education methods should be unified
Due to the inconsistent views of education between the two generations, there are often divergent views when educating children. A harsh, a pampered, but easy for children to develop bad consumption habits.
In particular, the elders have a "love compensation" psychology for their children, and there is no limit to love, which is a kind of harm to the children.
3, there is a problem, fundamentally find the cause
Many parents find that after their children spend money indiscriminately, they often stop using their children's pocket money one-size-fits-all, so as to achieve the purpose of allowing children to correct bad spending habits.
But in fact, this method treats the symptoms rather than the root cause, and it seems that the problem is solved, but in fact it is covered up more problems. Once children can't stand the drive of not being able to spend money, they will even think of various ways to meet their own needs behind their parents' backs: stealing money, borrowing money... Trigger more and worse behavior habits.
Therefore, helping children establish a correct concept of consumption from an early age is the fundamental way to solve the problem.
I am a Nuo mom, focusing on parent-child growth research, talking about parenting dry goods, writing parenting tips, paying attention to me, growing up together and improving ah~