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Because of love, we enter marriage.
Because of marriage or love, each other has crystallized again.
A good and romantic beginning, always with too many expectations and wishes.
However, grumbling, complaining, dissatisfied... One after the other came.
Kids coming? Was it a rescuer sent by Heaven? Or is it another factor that triggers some of the continued fermentation of emotions? Why do couples who were once in love have children and then start arguing and disagreeing? Children seem to have become the first hurdle that many people encounter in their married lives.
"Did you forget what to eat and drink for your child?"
"If only you could remember it."
"The child is crying in front of the couch!"
"Didn't you see that I was busy?"
"After the child goes to kindergarten, go to that bar, the learning atmosphere is good, and it is one of the best.."
"It's too far, it's too expensive, can it be realistic?"
.....
This is a scene that often happens in the home after most children are born.
Most of our young couples, or society as a whole, believe that children are the lubricant that enhances the relationship between husband and wife. In fact, this is a completely big misunderstanding, a trap. In other words, with children, the possibility of divorce will decline, but the happiness of each other will also be greatly reduced.
For nearly 30 years, researchers have studied the effects of children on marriage, and the conclusion is clear: children destroy marital relationships. If you compare it to couples without children, the happiness of relationships with children declines twice as fast as for childless couples. If you have an unintended pregnancy, the impact on the couple's relationship is even greater.
Ironically, despite the decline in marital satisfaction among new parents, the likelihood of divorce has also declined. As a result, with children, everyone suffers along with them. Of course, the decline in marital relationship satisfaction will inevitably affect the overall happiness.
After the birth of the child, it also changes the communication and interaction between the two couples. Parents are often alienated and hated by how they raise and educate their children, arguably over trivial matters such as feeding, bathing, dressing, diapers, etc.
Why did your love fall after the arrival of the child?
Is this still us? Endless grumbling, insults, anger, emotion? In addition to the intimacy of the sexual relationship, new parents are almost no longer willing to please each other in words and actions. This is the main reason why divorce is most likely in the years after marriage and children. German psychoanalyst Wolfgang Schmidbauer writes in his book: "We imagine how romantic it is to have a child, but reality really hits us in the head and hits us hard. ”
Children, work, husband and wife relationships, so many tasks are waiting for the couple to deal with. Tiredness, change, challenges, these real-world challenges have accelerated the disillusionment of many of our children. The first thing to be sacrificed is love, more precisely, the feelings of ease, pleasure, and lust when the two people are together no longer appear. When one or both people no longer have the energy or need to please each other, then love will gradually fade until it disappears. Treat the dear child, kiss and kiss, tease and tease, and for the ta who has a child with the co-birth, there is only bad emotion.
After having children, why do you always feel that the other party pays less than you?
Take the example of XiaoBao's mother.
For example, when it comes to the problem of the world between husband and wife.
After having children, many parents have less of a two-person world, even if they want to plan some actions, they also feel that it is enough to take the children and have fun with the family. In fact, throughout the program, their focus is on the child.
Let's talk about going to the movies at night.
In the past, after watching a movie, I would eat a Western food or a roadside dessert shop, a coffee shop to sit, listen to music, eat something, chat, life, very beautiful.
After having a child, if you are not careful before going out, you will be spit on by the child...
Or when you're watching a movie, you get a message that says, "Your child is awake, crying, and wanting a mother.", what should you do? Do you have to hurry home?
If the mother looks at the dirty clothes and looks at the baby's uncomfortable appearance, she will carry a strong sense of self-blame and guilt to end the trip and turn the night of the two into a bubble. The father on the side still had to rush to comfort, so he planned and rearranged it!
Tomorrow after tomorrow.
We didn't expect that to be the case. What couple can think that after having the child they are looking forward to, the relationship between the two has gradually drifted apart. Almost all soon-to-be parents think they have been able to handle new tasks, responsibilities, and emotions. When we test positive for pregnancy, we know our future will be related to our children, but we don't resent it. But in fact, it is a completely different feeling.
Although no one will take this small "disaster" seriously, the seeds of resentment have been sown. He might think, "You always have to go around the kids." She might ask herself, "Why does he always look like he's angry now?" ”
Lovers have expectations for happiness, but after these events, slowly the two of them will boil down some things to "you made me have a bad time". Heartache, blame, fault, etc. are like chronic poisons, affecting some people's marital relationships.
A good relationship between husband and wife is a nutrient that will accompany you throughout your life
If the birth of a child endangers the marital relationship, is the departure of the child good for the marriage? The absence of the child from the nest may improve the relationship between some couples, but for some couples, the child leaving the nest may make them feel that there is no need to continue to be together, because there is no other common interest except the child.
Perhaps it is necessary for us to think about the problem from another angle. Those who don't want to educate their children alone or just spend their weekends with them have to change their minds as much as they can, and you should be able to see that the other half is paying as much as you are. Among them, it only takes some understanding and empathy from each other to ease the relationship.
The noisy childhood will soon end, and it will eventually be each other who will support each other and stay with each other until they are old! In the early days of having children, the war is as deep as the waves, but no matter how big the flood waves, there will always be a moment of calm. Husbands and wives either learn to endure each other and know how to cherish; or, unable to integrate, run their own things.
However, the only constant is that in marriage, a good husband and wife relationship is the nutrition that accompanies each other's life. No matter which paragraph you are in, you must do everything you can to cherish it.
Source: Life is beautiful